Pee-Jay

I agree with Cat Walker.. this threat havent gotten you anywhere. I hope Cat Walker knows what he is talking about, 24 and presumebly not married. Cranston, I believe that you are 41/42 yrs and a very successful man. Life have had its up and downs with you, but I am sure that by now you know exactly what your heart says. In this last 16 yrs you have done introspection, shared your heart with your most closest friends including your wife. I won't even be surprised that you had these thoughts already 16 yrs ago. I am not for divorse, but I am also not for that a man of 42 would waist his life feeling depressed and not loved ... Well I am exactly in the same situation, only I am 1,5 yrs married. My story is a bit more complicated though, but comes down to the same facts. .... What does are heart says .. The answer is somewhere deep inside you. Would you stay or would you go!!! I'll pray for you my friend..

That is indeed wisdom ... Well she does not want to be confronted with it. I always knew that this would put pressure on our marriage later, but she plays her cards safe. I also adviced her to go and see someone to talk to, but the "two month period" which I gave her to short things out- well she really did not do anything. Sorry for portraying her in a negative way, but I guess you know it is only for discussion sake. Okay if she does not want to see anyone .. what is rightful and honourable for me to do in this situations from a lady's sensitive perspective... and yes the bed is also waiting. Waiting on your insight ...

Thanks guys for your inputs... As I mentioned we've been trying different tactics, incl. all the unconventional stuff. But something lacks and that is her willingness and drive to add her bit to deed. I mean I have been trying now for a long time ... And yes we did manage to have some great exp. , but my tank of patience are running out as well. The way I see it is that romance is a giveand take ... but with us it seems that I am the only giving. My wife also loves to receives in different ways, but is so passive on the giving side ...

Hey agent ... just to let you know that it is not so much the size issue, but more the interest/desire part. I mean if she lost 'it' after we married-and struggled with it for more than a year now ... questions is, will this ever change??? I need some romantic sex ...

Well I am married for almost a year and a half now. Problem is that my wife and I are experiencing difficulty in bed. Through our courting phase of our relationship we had some good sex and naturally that would be another tick on the "Yes I want to marry her or No I need to run away" sheet. I consider myself a very passionate lover as i am African .. ha ha!! She also confirmed it many times before ... Now after a year and a half of trying different tactics to get her into it I am tired ... Tired of getting her in the mood. Yes, i know that sex needs lots of foreplay. Fact is, that ain't the problem .. She is just not interested in coming half way. She says that I am to BIG ... I have also given her a period of two months to short herself out. To get advice from others ect. But she hasn't used this time effectively- she did not even do anything about it. She then promised me that things will change, but now after a month or two have passed by things are going the same way ... What should I do?? We really love each other, but at the same time this can rip us a part ... Okay, enough complains ... Question for the more experienced ladies .. How do I get my lady on the saddle??? Or is it a common phenomanon after lady's receive that ring on the finger? If there is any younger girls with some kinky advice, please drop a note too. Men are also welcome to share their wisdom ... Thanks guys ..

Hey you 3 ... thanks for your quick responce. I am sure that I am able to use these "objective advice" to work things out for myself. Sometimes it is healthy to get feedback from a different perspective and that is exactly why I've tried this site ....... I hope to get some more ideas from you.

As you can see I only registered today and to be honest it is actually my first encounter to "post" my most deepest thoughts on the World Wide Web ... I will try to be straight to the point, but please take time to give me some real thought through advice ... because I am very vulnerable at the mo, which can influence my "options" very easily. Okay, I am an South-African guy (26) married to a Dutch lady (26) for nearly a year and a half, which provides us with an multicultural confrontration. Well we have been dating for about four years and a half before tying the knot. I met her in South-Africa and we fell inlove ... She use to be this quiet, insecure and intriging women, I use to think it was because she was living in Africa far from her own surroundings. But the more I got to know her the more I fell inlove with her, but soon I realized that she had some undealt issues (child abuse, even family incest by the grandfather and brother). At first I wanted to help and support her but later I realized that her character was so formed by events. The very things which attracted me to her later came between us ... Later I moved to the Netherlands, giving up my family and friends, my security and my beloved country. In this process I needed to learn and accept a new culture. These things were very hard for me and looking back this experience took its toll on my personality. Soon I also realized that my then girlfriend was still very attached to her family and basically the negotaitor between her divorced parents. And neither did she try to understand my cultural intergration process nor did she make it any easier for me. The weight or balance were so uneven and I felt so betrayed, but like I said, I still choosed to marry her. Eventhough I saw the signs a year and a half ago I still tried to be committed to her. I am a person that like to look for the challenges in life.... I hope that this is enough background ... Well a year and a half has past now and eventhough we are happy, I also don't know how long this will last neither do I know if this is what I want. The once secure and confident man that left his country in search for new horizons, the man that helped and supported everyone ... are now paralyzed by his situation with his wife. The problem is that I don't see any future for us together or have lost hope. My wife on the other hand refused to believe it, but she still don't see the complications and strain that her family life and childhood has on our marriage. Everything always use to be "my" problem, because me wife simply don't want to be confronted with the problem, which makes evrything eventually my problem. We tried to see several counsellors in the last four years, but it is always I that need to change. But we never bring up the situation in her family and the childhood stuff mainly because it is such an sensitive issue, but this at the end puts me on the "correctional seat". And I am sick of it ...All my wife's sisters went for counselling in the past, but she is the only that never saw the importance of it. I feel that she is living in denial and that she always tried to stuff it down under, like it usuallly happens in her family. Now that we are married I am carrying this burdon with her, but it is uncarriable ... I want to get a divorce, but don't even know want to do or I don't even know if I am selfish or if my feelings are just ... lets me just say that I don't know what to do anymore. When I will make my decision I will be confronted with so many things, but I feel so young and incompotent to make it .. yet I am already married. I feel like my whole world is coming down on me. As I have vented now for a moment, please try to capture the nucleus of my story and help to give my objective answers or questions. I appreciate you taking time to help me/ us. Also remember our multicultural situation .. Greetings from a lonely African boy in the hard West. Pee-Jay