Ross_K

MacGuyver even if they are "glamor" pics, you're fine and the girls around here (I'm near Newport, Rhode Island) would attack you on sight, that would be the good kind of attack and that's no B/S either I can't see that, I mean, attraction is universal not cultural (as far as looks is concerned anyway) so you may even have gangs etc.? Yeah there's gangs just like everywhere else, but I've never heard of any 'big' or notorious ones. >The type of people arond me a totally not my kind of people. BINGO! What do you mean? Like, that's my answer for why I can't get a woman? slightlybent Ross, i'm noticing that you say "what if" a lot. I guess. "what if" i look different than i do i my mirror image (what about your pics?) I also (well, at least to me) look really bad in some of my pics as well. "what if" nobody will ever like me (the odds are unrealistic; there are plenty of married people who are nowhere near as good-looking as you) Well I know some people do like me, as for being attracted to me, well I've seen no evidence of that offline. "what if" i can't think of something to say to a girl (awkward pauses happen to everyone, and you're not so thick that you would just stand there forever) To be honest there have been times where I've just sat there forever with someone, a lot of times with a lot of people I do find it very hard to carry along a conversation, and just end up not being able to think of anything to say whatsoever. "what if" i can't be desensitized (well, find out!!!) I don't think I can do it unless there's a really good chance that I can. catch yourself next time you start to say that. stop what-iffing, and start why-notting. I'll try. Kyoshiro Ogari Holy smokes!! 1,500 reads in less than 2 days. Ross, you certainly know how to get attention to yourself. I have a foolproof trick if you indeed think you are ugly. I was going to use it myself. Find 4 ugly guys with no fashion sense and chronic bad breath, plan a night out on the town and hit the club scene. I guarentee you'll be the hot guy of the group. But if your confidence is really low, make sure your friends are near you at all times so that you will continuously look hot hot hot. If you took that advice seriously, you need help. How come? If I knew a few ugly people who I could go out with that'd be a good idea. I'd be so scared of them being hit on and me not getting hit on though, that'd be soul crushing. If you saw how ridiculous that advice is, then you have to look at your perception of yourself and your looks in the same way. See yourself as an individual, not as a guy among the pack. I think I do see myself as an individual and not as a guy among the pack.

1, are the pics current and of you? We're all judging those pics because you said they areof you. The answers could be different if they do not look like you. Yes, they're all current and of me 2, I never made fun of you It totally came accross like that. but reasoning hasn't worked so far so "toughlove" is what you're getting now. think, Good cop/Bad cop Okay fair enough, you do seem like an okay dude. 3, you're not alone, we all have that problem to one extent or another. someone else posted "desensitize" and you need to understand that you will not be accepted by everyone. Deal with the people who accept you for what you are and the interests that you have and can share. The thing that scares me is what if I can't be desensized by experiencing it all the time. Going through it all for weeks or months or whatever wouldn't be so bad and I think it would be doable if I knew I was going to come out of it at the other end better and not having that kind of thing bothering me anymore. But it's basically impossible if you don't know if it will definatley work and the fact is I could come out of it at the other end even more 'damaged'. I think the thing that would really help me is that realising the way people treat you doesn't reflect you as a person or how you come accross to other people. Then I guess it wouldn't effect my self esteem of confidence for a start once I really believe it. But is that really true though. It kinda feels like most people haven't been treated as badly and/or as often or in the same way as I've been. I'm not familiar w/ how everyday life is over there so; What type of neighborhood do you live in? low/middle/upper class? type of people around you? Friendly/stuckup/quiet? the Girls go for what type? the Guys are brutal or reasonable? Neighbourhood is a mix between middle and lower. The type of people around me are totally not my kind of people. The majority of the older ones seems very friendly, most of the younger people seem to be just * * * * *s though, who enjoy making comments and doing stuff at you or whatever. The girls mainly seem to either go for the alpha males, or ones who have the nice car, nice job, earns a lot of money, go getter. Like I've said, feel like I don't have anything in common with the guys round here and they have a totally different lifestyle. Most seem to either think they're really great or they're just * * * * *s who like hurling abuse or whatever.

I think one example of playing hard to get would be sorta like teasing you, they'd flirt with you but at the same time they'd sorta act like they're not interested. Then again maybe I'm totally wrong.

I know, I think having the confidence and getting rid of the nervousness would really help me. Also, you're right, I won't be going in with high expectations, things should happen, but for some weird reason they might not. I'll just see what happens.

I'd just like to say, I am taking on board everything that everyone is saying. And I have actually saved all of these pages. Some things that have been said actually have made a lightbulb go ping in my head, like the confort zone thing and whatever. So thanks guys, it is appreciated.

2, everyone has told you that in how many threads now? and you don't listen. Told me what, that I'm attractive? Maybe it's you who doesn't listen then, I've talked about all the photograph crap time and time again. What difference does 1 photo make? it's fine, nobody is expecting perfection and you posted 3 pics in the other thread and you look almost the same in every one so tell everyone what's the real problem? Maybe you like only 1 girl and she doesn't like you? Okay fine, I look really nice looking in the bad pics and I look the same in all 3, it's just hard to see that, that's all. And what if I don't look like any of them in real life and I do look really bad? 3, 52, don't push it and you created the problem. The only piss, is what you want to happen. I created the problem? How?I'm really looking forward to this explaination. The only piss is what I want to happen? Have I ever said that is what I wanted, or is it just some random crap that got made up in your brain? You created the problem by not doing anything to help yourself or even go out and just talk to people which will help your actual "look" in public. Are you trying to hang out with some so called elite/cool kids crowd that won't accept you? There's more to life than that. I am doing things to help myself. Enough people have told you what is needed time and time again. Confidence can e had by anyone no matter how shy they are. This is what I want to work on. You're 30 and need someone to tell you you're ok enough looking? Yes, read through the topic again thoroughly and maybe you'll understand why. Although I doubt you will, you obviously haven't shown that much intelligence so far, no, really. How many people need to say it? Do you have a quota to meet with answers? If you must know, I have a very high IQ, it's the 99.996 percentile group. Read my first response in this post. We all know your ready but you won't accept it. No, I'm not ready. Where did you get the so called proof that I am from? From counseling and helping many many people similar to you. There is no set mold anyone has to fit, be an individual in any way you want but tell yourself "I'm fine, who cares what some people think, I can't please everyone". You're a counseller and yet you make fun of me and my situation. Doesn't really seem like the right kind of attitude a counseller should have. Anyway, I'm sorry, it doesn't matter if you have counselled similar people to me. I am not ready, there's no way I could just suddenly jump outside now, go to the pub and sit in there on my own all night and go walking up to strange women trying to talk to them. Honestly dude, there's absolutley no reason for me to lie. The attitude of "I'm fine, who cares what some people think, I can't please everyone" is a good attitude and one that I have, I didn't have it always but it was something I found out myself. Still, not being accepted, ridiculed, treated badly or whatever (online it doesn't bother me, it's offline when it does) still manages to somehow feel absolutley soul crushing and destroys my self esteem and any confidence that I have. To the point where I don't even want to go out any more. Why I'm that sensitive I honestly don't know. Time to stop w/ the oh poor me scenarios you're using for excuses, put the textbooks down and go out into reality no matter what it brings. Ignorence is bliss. I'm far from that Ken You are to an extent with my situation. p.s. Lol@McGuyver, he's been replying to my post now for 15 minutes, thinking of the comebacks must be hurting his brain. I had to go to the store for cigs, fags? you call them. Yeah, a lot of people call them fags over here, personally though I just call em cigs myself, I'm trying to give up completely. You will need at least 3 PhD's to help you if you want to take me on brain wise

Yeah I know. I guess I need to start trying to look at the positive side of things more.

As for the toastmasters, it's something I'll look into. *EDIT* I've had a look on the net but the nearest ones are around 18 miles away. Do you go to it once a week or something? Lol@McGuyver, he's been replying to my post now for 15 minutes, thinking of the comebacks must be hurting his brain.

1, you answered your own question. How? 2, everyone has told you that in how many threads now? and you don't listen. Told me what, that I'm attractive? Maybe it's you who doesn't listen then, I've talked about all the photograph crap time and time again. 3, 52, don't push it and you created the problem. The only piss, is what you want to happen. I created the problem? How?I'm really looking forward to this explaination. The only piss is what I want to happen? Have I ever said that is what I wanted, or is it just some random crap that got made up in your brain? You're 30 and need someone to tell you you're ok enough looking? Yes, read through the topic again thoroughly and maybe you'll understand why. Although I doubt you will, you obviously haven't shown that much intelligence so far, no, really. We all know your ready but you won't accept it. No, I'm not ready. Where did you get the so called proof that I am from? Time to stop w/ the oh poor me scenarios you're using for excuses, put the textbooks down and go out into reality no matter what it brings. Ignorence is bliss. You will get shut down but you need to keep trying, it's not like the first girl you meet is going to marry you on the spot. You will go through many relationships before that happens. We all did. I'm quite aware of that.

If you've already made them then PM them. Otherwise I don't want to waste your time if I can't follow through.

Why be like that MacGuyver? You've got to remember I've not come on here and asked for advise on how to get a girl (and if I ever have it'll be so I know what to do when I'm able too) I basically just asked about how I could find proof that it's possible for women to be attracted to me offline. This is what always happens, I'll make a topic about something on here, and then people will start trying to give me advice (which I really appreciate) on how to get someone, I'll be honest with them and tell them why I wouldn't be able to do it or whatever, and then suddenly people start turning on me saying 'we're giving you loads of advice but you're not taking it, you just want attention', or 'you're just making excuses', or whatever And now people like MacGuyver are taking the piss out of my situation. You're 53 dude, you should know better.

Well, the only thing I can think of that I'd be good at is mechanical stuff like fixing cars or whatever, and I did actually go to two places to learn it, unfortunatley I was bullied at both of them and had to leave. So that dream is out of the window. Yeah, I've got a sense of humour but I seriously doubt I'd be able to do standup.

I didn't mean to come off as rude in those other posts. I know people don't believe me but I am actually trying here, and I am looking for solutions, it's just that severe SA makes it incredibily hard. And I am trying to beat that, and I suppose it's what I need to beat first before trying to get someone.

Yeah it does seem like he has a point. But near enough anywhere for me isn't a comfort zone. Perhaps I need to look into changing certain places or areas in my life into comfort zones, would that be possible?

You don't understand. And why would I make excuses anyway?

Well it's quite hard trying to do something about it right now since I'm dealing with SA. I've even had an offer online, (which would require me to have to travel really far) but even with that I'm incredibily anxious, stressed ect, and I don't know if I'll definatley be able to follow through with it. SA is frigging crippling and I hate it.

How many times do I have to repeat that photos can be decpetive? Yes I may look like how I do on my avatar and good photos and be quite attractive in real life, but then again I may not. And no, I don't love to argue. I just want to try and understand things more.

All the women in this topic seem to be saying the opposite though, I suppose the more you get to know a person who you aren't physically attracted too and the more you really like their personality they can sort of become more physically attractive to you.

This is what I worry about.

Yeah but surely you still need to be physically attracted to the person?

It's okay dude. No, I'm not gay, I've never once saw a man and felt attracted to him, but there's been 1000's of occasions where I've seen a hot girl and thought how great it would be to.... you get the idea.

The feedback I've got from them offline though is that they don't like me. I know people will just say I'm being negative or unconfident but it's true. Whenever I've been about to be set up, I can always tell the girl is going to come out with a negative response (even though I see no reason for them too, and accroding to how I look to myself in the mirror I look like I should be able to attract a lot of girls) and they do always come out with some sort of a negative responce, even ones that aren't nice looking. Like they'll look at my friend as though he's crazy, or they'll tell him to * * * * off, or they'll say 'no he's really ugly' I always get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach like 'I knew she was going to respond like that, why? What's wrong with me?' But do any of my friends get this? No. The girls will always go for them for some reason.

I personally find a lot of girls (ones I don't know) in real life intimidating, depending on the situation.

Thanks SB. SA does make things really tough, if it wasn't for that, trust me, I would have already have hooked up with someone on something like adultfriendfinder or hired an escort by now.

*Marks for trolling*