metro_girl

Sometimes the cycle of violence gets worse when the woman becomes pregnant. That can be a very dangerous time for you. You should reconsider having a baby with him. You'll be tied to him and won't be able to leave.

My younger son ended up being born with clubfeet.

My older sister was born with clubfeet in 1964. She wore casts and braces on her legs, and she was okay before she started school, except she had to wear these shoes that today are in style - like Doc Marten's.

Thanks for the advice. I know there aren't any guarantees. It's just that the craving and "baby fever" that I felt in my early twenties to have a baby, really isn't there as much. I'm honestly looking at what my life would be like without children. Maybe I was just burned out from being a special ed teacher for so long.

I always thought that I wanted children. Now, at 36, I'm not as confident. I know the more time passes, the more I'm making a decision in the direction to not have children. Part of my concern is that I was a teacher in my twenties and early thirties and I worked in special education. I saw that a lot of people love babies until they aren't cute any more. I also worked with kids with special needs. I am concerned about having a baby at my age, and about having a baby with special needs. How do you get over those fears and forge ahead with having a baby? I know the older I get the more high-risk a pregnancy can be. I would appreciate any advice from parents.

You're a 16 year old guy, so of course, you don't like long phone conversations. When I was in high school, I could talk to my friends non-stop for hours. Maybe let her know when you call that you can only talk for about 20 minutes and then you have to go.

Background:

 

I began dating this girl in September (after having talked for months) - we hit it off great. She is 24 (Cancer), I'm 27 (Gemini). She had broke up with a guy over a year prior (whom she had been broken up with about twice - they dated for about 2 years - and he had given her a promise ring, etc. - one day he just broke it off with her calling her a narcissist.

 

On to my story:

 

In the first few months of dating we had amazing sex (all the time) and things were great. She is the type of person who talks alot.

I'm not sure why your post caught my attention. I'm just seeing this possibly from a different angle. Do you believe in horoscopes and that's why it matters if she's a Cancer and you're a Gemini? Is that rational and logical?

Also, if someone from her past called her a narcissist and then broke it off with her, and she confided this to you, is it fair that you're now doing the same thing to her and using a confidence she shared with you as a weapon of "logic" against her? That sounds really cruel.

The other point is, you say that in the first few months of dating you had amazing sex all the time and things were "great", but, then it sounds like she wanted to actually start talking with you. Do you see how that sounds? It sounds like things were great for you in the beginning because of the great sex until she wanted to start talking. Women can sometimes want that.

You come accross as sounding a little condascending, like you're the rational and logical one, and she doesn't know how to "refute" your arguments. Is it enjoyable arguing? Sometimes different personalities just don't work well together. Is it possible that you have stopped giving her the kind of love and attention you gave her in the beginning? What's so wrong with jewelery as a gift from the right man under the right circumstances? Sometimes guys will change after the beginning of the relationship, after they think they've "won" her over, which can make the woman seem even more needy for attention.

Depending on the field, having a Ph.D. is a minimum requirement for certain jobs, like having an MBA. I wouldn't hold it against a woman if she has a Ph.D. What difference does it make if she has more formal education? There are multiple ways that people can be intelligent. You're hopefully secure enough to not be intimidated by her education. If it's something you feel you're lacking, then you should go back to school. The other thing is, I think that more and more women are getting educated beyond their male peers. It's a fact that many men will have to learn to handle and appreciate . . . and maybe catch up.

I guess they meet up.

You want to know if they do meet up. I found myself in a situation I never wanted or anticipated as an "ex". This man stopped seeing me and started seeing this other woman. i don't think he was cheating on me with her. He continued to see me, meet me places, call me, email, etc. He was out of town a lot for work, so he wasn't seeing much of her either. I wasn't clear about anything. I wanted to get back with him. We now work in the same building together and see eachother every day. The ex is a problem if there's no closure, even if your guy is still angry with her. I couldn't believe how "my" guy was acting. He was with me intimately a month before proposing marriage to her, when she thought they were exclusive. I thought they were broken up, but really, I didn't think much about her because as far as I was concerned, he was with me first. He logistically thought that it made more sense to marry her, but he still wanted to be with me. I'm the one who had to put a stop to it.

If your boyfriend was never sexually intimate with his ex, then I wouldn't be as concerned. Once they've had sex, sometimes that's a difficult bond to break for one or the other. He's hanging out with some chick who has seen him naked.

Please don't take this the wrong way. How do gay guys know they won't change their mind about being gay if they had an intimate relationship with a woman? What if there's some blueprint in their minds about what they want based on ealier childhood or adolescent experiences, or even a controlling mother and no strong positive male role models? For example, I grew up in an Italian-American household. My grandparents were born in Italy. I lived in a Little Italy neighborhood. My ideal man for the longest time was a Rocky Balboa-type. If a man deviated from that norm, I wasn't at all attracted to him. Blonde-haired and blue-eyed men were not at all attractive to me. They seemed weak and prissy. As I grew up and moved away from my neighborhood and went to college, I realized I wasn't all that attracted any more to the Rocky Balboas. I used to think I had to be married to an Italian guy who was Catholic and who came from a "good" family (meaning he lived in my neighborhood and my family knew him). I am now going out with a guy who is about four years younger who has light brown hair and blue eyes, who grew up in a smaller Midwest town. He's kind and polite. I'm not even remotely attracted to the Rocky types anymore. It's taken me a while to figure that out. I think who you're attracted to does change throughout the course of your life. Just IMHO.

You don't mention your BMI (body mass index). Your age and your starting weight AND height and your muscle tone have a lot to do with the extra 20 lbs. I'm no fitness expert or nutritionist. I've read a lot about how women lose about 5 lbs. of muscle each decade and gain the same amount in fat unless they work out with weights or do some type of strength training. So, maybe you're eating the same way and you need to change how you're exercising. The other point is this: I've easily gained 20 lbs in the last twenty years and I get more compliments now than I did when I was younger. I used to wear a size 3 (loosely), eat whatever I wanted, and NEVER had an ounce of fat. I struggled to gain weight. Then, I turned 25 and my metabolism really did change. I now happily wear a size 6. For some people, going up three dress sizes and 20 lbs. may sound like a lot. For me, it was a healthy direction. If you go to a gym, they can check your BMI and let you know how should approach nutrition and exercise. Muscle weighs more than fat. Try using measurements or even how your clothes fit and feel. I have a lot of cute clothes (not bragging) but if they start to feel too tight, I know I need to cut out something fattening from my diet. I don't own a scale, and I don't obsess over calories. I look at food portions and whether I'm eating enough fruits, veggies, lean protein, and whole grains throughout the day. Starting at the grocery store is important too. I don't buy the chips, etc. The other thing is, with weight training, you will see the greatest improvement over aerobics alone. And, you can't keep up with your boyfriend and eat and drink the way he does.

Seriously, why does it always have to be "our issue"? Like we are ultimately wrong and they are ultimately "right"? Forget it.

 

If what the bible says, that we were all created equal and "love thy neighbour", why do we have to continiously jump through hoops to constantly prove ourselves? While they sit on their arrogant behinds and reap the benefits of our civilisation?

There would be no civilization if a sperm and an egg did not meet. If everyone believed that homosexuality was ultimately right and heterosexuality was ultimately wrong, unless I'm misunderstanding you, then we would cease to exist. There would be no procreation. Maybe that makes heterosexuals arrogant?

For me, and maybe for the writer and the film director, it would have seemed odd if the two rough cowboys had embraced gently and softly for their first sexual encounter. Have you ever watched young men rough-housing together, minus the sexual tension? They sometimes start out where they're playing around, and then they can end up pounding on each other in a "brawl". I used to teach junior high and high school, and young men punch each other on the shoulder, smack each other, etc. without any anger or brutality, just joking around with each other, and sometimes it turns rough. Their show of emotions can sometimes change on a dime. Aren't Ennis and Jack supposed to be young men in the opening scenes? Just IMHO.

I thought the film glossed over what was happening in the '70s. Ennis was divorced. Why didn't he and Jake just move to San Fran? I don't think their feelings for each other were really explained or explored in depth, other than maybe Ennis was just in denial.

"The only part of BrokeBack that I didn't understand was how did Jack know that Ennis would give into his advances? That was very bold. He could have risked ruining his reputation had Ennis rejected him..."

Jack made advances at the cowboy in the bar also, when he offered to buy him a drink, and the cowboy turned him down.

"And I don't get the anger and brutality in some of the scenes. I thought it was cute the way Jack tried to lasso Ennis, but then they get into a brawl? Perhaps ennis wanted to pretend it never happened? I don't know...

Anyway, my only complaint was that there weren't enough love scenes and not enough naked Jake scenes."

What's the point of a man having sex with another man just like he would have sex with a woman? Why not just have sex with a woman? I thought the anger and brutality in some of the scenes was more realistic for these two characters who were supposed to be rough cowboys, than if they had tenderly embraced each other in their first experiences with one another. Where would those type of tender emotions even come from?

I think there are still a lot of male actors in Hollywood today who are in the closet, married and having kids for publicity, because the public doesn't know what to do with a leading "man" who is gay. Why is that? IMHO when most people pay about $8 to see a movie, they want to fantasize a little. If you're watching a hot guy passionately romance a woman, and then later learn that when the camera stops rolling he'd rather be with a man, it's a little disappointing. If you asked most straight men how much they would need to be paid to play the part of a gay man and to kiss another man, I think they would need to be paid a lot of money. So, that's why people tend to question if male actors who play gay roles really are gay.

In Brokeback Mountain if these men weren't playing the role of gay men, they wouldn't be getting these award nominations. They are really acting. (I hope.) Sorry. I don't want Jake and Heath to be gay.

I just saw the movie today. I've been a huge fan of Jake Gyllenhaal since he was in October Sky - very different character. I'm a straight woman. I think there were only about five men in the entire movie theatre. It was mostly women. I think very few men will see this movie in public, unless they are openly gay.

Do you think a lot of straight women will now start to question their straight husbands and boyfriends if they take extended fishing trips but bring home no fish? In the year 2005, how common do you think it is for men to live a heterosexual public life and get married and have children, while they have private homosexual relationships? Is it much more common than we think?

My biggest question from the movie is whether Ennis was really gay. If he hadn't been alone on that mountain in the tent with Jack, would he have ever longed to be with another man? Jack sought those experiences out on more than one occasion, not that Ennis wasn't special to him. As a straight woman, I was left feeling completely confused about how Jack and Ennis could "act" except for the two or three times a year they were together and could truly be themselves. I also found myself wondering if the actors were really acting. I know people on here will post to say it doesn't matter, but I'm a woman who likes to think that Jake and Heath are straight. Seeing them kissing each other just sickened me a little. I don't mean to offend anyone. I just felt like I had been lied to all these years by these actors themselves, if that makes any sense.

Sorry for the long post. I thought it was a good movie, a tear-jerker.

It's a character flaw. I've never cheated in a relationship. I'm not sure if I've ever been cheated on. I usually end bad relationships before it gets to that stage. For some people, it's easier to find another person than to even mention there are difficulties or problems to work out in the relationship. For others, like for a lot of women who cheat, it's all about the outrageous flirting and attention from other men. It seems men are afraid to leave relationships unless they have someone else in the wings.

I was matched online on December 2 with this man who lives less than 10 miles away, which I thought was great for both of us. I don't want a LDR. We went through the match service rounds of communication, exchanged a couple emails, he asked if I wanted to meet him. I told him that yes I would like to meet him, but I needed his full name first, which he gave me. We exchanged basic information, etc. exchanged some more emails. He asked me if I would be interested in getting a glass of wine maybe after the holidays. So then, the other day, I get this email from him:

"How are you? I've been busy lately. I'm feeling some stress.

I'm sorry for not making more time for you. I'm just buried right now. Hopefully it changes in a week or so."

Is he just not that into me? (Yes, I've read that book!). He can't be so busy that he can't find 20 minutes or so to meet me. What do you think? I sent him a short email reply back about hoping his schedule lightens up in the near future, etc. that I had relatives in town for the holidays, which is true.

Any thoughts? Is he interested or not?

ocrob: I'm laughing because you're right. Sometimes I can be perceived as a little uptight that the people I work with like to get on my nerves about it. Mainly, I would like our contract renewed. We've already had several people leave for the same reasons I've given. I'm generally happy with the contract and feel it's very important work. I waited a long time for the funding and for the contract to be awarded. I can't and won't walk away from it.

I sent my new team lead who works for another company an email letting him know I'm be working from home for the remainder of the contract. That's the best solution for me so far. I probably have a bigger workload than the annoying guy playing music because I'm more competent. However, if the work doesn't get done, the contract will suffer which directly affects me.

Thanks for the advice. I will see how it goes.

I hope I can give you some good advice since I'm almost 20 years older than you. It still feels like yesterday when I was going through the same problem as you . . . getting worried sick over a boy, even one that you care about deeply. If I could tell my 17-year-old self any advice, I would tell her, that this is really the best time of your life. Please don't shed one more tear over this. You may not be with this boy the rest of your life, but you will be with yourself. I wish that when I was your age I would have spent more time enjoying life and loving myself and less time worrying about the boys and what they were doing, thinking, and feeling.

I used to teach junior high and high school, and then I taught college. It changed my perspective being a teacher. ALL the kids were cute (don't take that the wrong way). When I was a teenager, my braces bothered me and I didn't like smiling. As a teacher, I noticed that almost all the kids had braces and it didn't make them any less cute and they still got attention from the opposite sex.

You're probably just very critical of yourself. It's natural to feel jealous of kids who you think are prettier, more popular, or richer. You have no idea what kind of problems they may have. When you see a girl with beautiful hair and it makes you jealous, how do you know it didn't take her a year to grow her hair back from having chemotherapy? That's just an example. No one has a perfect or flawless life, no matter how it looks.

Also, I think it's going to be tough to be exclusively dating one boy when you're as young as you are. If it bothers you that he's sending notes back and forth with another girl, you should talk to him about it. Ask him if he would mind if you sent notes to another guy.

They usually tell you. You can also tell because they don't usually know what they're doing. Bra straps? Very complex. Only a man with experience knows how to quickly remove a woman's clothes. Also, they usually take a loooooong time to make a move, hold hands, kiss, etc. They usually confuse love and sex or lust. They tend to fall in love very quickly with the first woman who has sex with them or especially blow jobs, hand jobs, etc.

I really appreciate the advice. I don't think I provided enough background. The person annoying me is great friends with the owner of the company I work for. Going to a higher level won't help.

I need to deal with him and mostly his one employee using better communication skills. Their behavior is immature and childish and they know it's getting on my nerves. Typically, we all get along and are the type to drink beer together after work, etc. It's just that the music played aloud bothers me and distracts me from reading a computer screen or taking a business call. Plus, when his one team member wasn't here yesterday, he didn't play the music.

I've tried playing my music aloud also but it's still distracting, and for me, the fact is we're in an office and it's not professional when others outside of our organization stop by.

The incident can't really be "reported". It's not that kind of environment, and the team lead is very tight with the project manager. I can't rewrite the contract. The contract requires that people with so many years of experience in a certain field be hired, although they lack experience and knowledge with this particular project. I just received an email that there's been a change in leadership for my team, and at least one of the team leads in the room will no longer be the team lead, unfortunately, not the one playing the music. The one playing the music behaves like a child. He really wants to be a writer and has his own web site, etc. He would rather be anywhere but where he is. He was moved from one team where he was ineffective, to my team where he was ineffective and then to his own team where he has only one employee, the employee who claims to like his music. I now have a team lead who doesn't work for the same company I work for, not sure how that will work, but we'll see.

I'm still not really sure how to break the team of the bad habit of taking me for granted. I do a lot of little things and pay attention to the finer details that most wouldn't notice, but that could amount to huge problems. When I step back and let someone else do it, the results are usually more work for me to fix mistakes. These are people with years more work experience than I have. They just lack a certain aptitude or familiarity with the software that we rely on so heavily. We've tried training classes, etc. but really they would rather someone else do it for them.

This might sound silly. I share an office (which is a converted classroom) with four other people. Two of them are team leaders, to whom I submit my timesheets and weekly reports. We're all salaried professionals. I was the first person hired and I have the most education and experience, helped to write the contract (which gave everyone else their jobs.)

My most recent conflict sounds ridiculous. One of the team leaders plays music from his computer loudly enough to fill the office. I've asked him nicely in person and via email to use his headset, since I use a headset. The problem is that I can't keep my headset on all day long to drown out his music. It's become more of a power-play with one other person in the office saying that she likes his music and wants to hear it. They tell me that I'm the only one in the office who is bothered by it.When this one person wasn't here yesterday, things were fine and the team leader didn't play the music.

So, even if I'm the only person who is bothered by it, how can this be resolved? Since Thanksgiving, he's been playing Christmas music, and then when it's not Christmas music, it's country. It's driving me nuts and I can't get much work done. He yelled at me today when I asked him nicely if he could please use his headset. He said he didn't care if I asked nicely and he was tired of hearing it. I walked out and said that I would be working from home until after New Year's. I have permission to do this by the way.

Please help. I feel like I work for people who walk all over me and that I'm not allowed to have conflicts resolved. When it's not this, it will be something else. And quitting and filing grievances, etc. aren't not good solutions for me. I would like communication advice to resolve this conflict and future conflicts.

Wait, you're asking if you're boosting her ego? She gets pregnant with your baby, and then you think you find someone better so you leave her. The two of you get divorced. Next, you move in with two women, regardless of whether they are attractive, this bothers your ex. Of course, she doesn't trust you and you know that you've given her good reason. Your relationship moved very quickly with her since she got pregnant. Why not just try to start from the beginning? Date each other. Really romance her and treat her like a princess. Be good to her, since you say you love her and she's the mother of your child. However, I really have my doubts about this. If the other relationship had worked out for you, you wouldn't want her back. What if the grass is actually greener on the other side? Are you still capable of being faithful?

For me, I think my lack of sexual experience wouldn't have made a difference if I had been with a man who really was a good lover. Sometimes the men I dated weren't even good kissers or good dancers, but they expect women to give them blow jobs, etc. that are out of this world. Men who have a lot of experience and still aren't great lovers in my book, are a little on the selfish side, and no other woman has clued them in that maybe they really aren't that great in bed. They have the "experience" and they know what they want and what makes them feel good, but still not the moves it takes to be a great lover.