justlookin

The ? is how do I tell if my GF has had a promiscuous lifestyle.(Not the ? of is right or wrong)We all are unique individuals and we all have different preferences for our lives.Personally I think whattheheck has the right to know,especially if it is going to affect his future..It does seem a little late to be asking now, considering he as fallen for this person.I have noticed in relationships that people seem to tell the other person only what they want to hear to gain thier trust,and As time goes on,_-Well we all know what usually happens.I do not think there is a 100% chance yet of knowing how many people your partner has been inimate with,But with the scientific study of DNA i think it is possible in the future.(Wouldn't that be a surprise to all).To some,Sex is the most intimate contact 2 human beings can have,Some are not intrested and others use it for pleasure ect.

Hey cyprian,Was just reading some of your posts and others on your situation,Sorry about how you are being treated.I was in a simular situation with the No contact .Only mistake I made before I started no contack was (No Closure) Personally I believe there should be Closure before the no contact applies.A time to say goodbye to the individual and the relationship as you knew it.The fact is( People change People )some for the good and some for the bad,you have entered a new world of Distust with this individual and it will never be the same.

Just ask him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel the Fear and do it anyway!!!

LOL Ta Ree yeah that is me in the pic, thank you!! (blush)

 

Justlookin - As a guy, would you be more likely to try to sleep with someone sooner if you weren't really digging them?

People have different views and opinions about Sex,my view is that Sex between a Man and a Woman is the most intimate contact they can have,it is sacred to me.Personally I would not try and sleep with someone sooner or later if I was not digging them.Most people can only put on a mask for soo long and then the real person comes out in time.

Personally I think that friendship should be applied for a quanity of time to find out if you really like someone.Once the Sexual act occurs it seems to me that we can not get back to that status of friendship.It is like we bypass it and have nothing to build our relationship on.

acutally, it's really weird, after talking to my friengs and having a long hard think about it, i've come to the conclusion that he

must be gay

... it all makes perfect sense, i mean we went out for like 3.5 months and not once,

not once did he want to touch

me... and i don't know, it all adds up, i was his 1st gf, maybe he was just checking to make sure of his sexuality. my friends bestie, is a homosexual male, and he said when we my ex for the 1st time, he was pretty convinced that he was... but still, are my friends just saying this to make me feel better or do they honestly feel that too? i guess time will tell, maybe i'll continue to be friends with him, you never know, if he is, then it'll deffinatly explane afew things and really clear the air... (and it would have made him doing what he did b4 i truly fall for him a good thing) argh! i dno, i'll kp you posted

 

I do not think it is fair to come to the conclusion that he is gay without asking Him.I personally think that he showed deep respect for you by not touching you in a sexual manner.Just think about how much worse you would feel if Sex did happen.

From past lessons learned by me,when two people get together alone,(like it or not) a relationship develops.If I was in your shoes and I knew my girlfriend was going to do something simular,I would deffiantly have a chat with her about mutual respect and honest communication.Kinda the same thing happened to me a few yrs back and I did not confront Her.Well if it ever happens again I know what to do.I would ask you how would he feel if he knew that you we're doing what he is doing?Would He confront you?

She dumped me last year.

Now I puff a cigar every other day.

It's safer than dating

.

Ya I kinda agree with Dako,Cigars do not have the ability to make us miserable.

[/php]That seems odd to me. All people argue. Passions rise, adrenaline rushes, and negative feelings and doubts are dealt with. The difference between healthy/unhealthy is in how it is resolved and consistency of respect. Never fighting is NOT a badge of a winning relationship.

All that said, perhaps it was just time for the relationship to end. Many lovely furfilling relationships are not life-long or nearly as long as we'd like.

I don't know.

I'm sorry for the pain you are in. I truly do feel that you need to establish some space from him for at least a while......to figure out where you are and to get over this hurt.

Best wishes.

Two yrs is a long time to just throw away in two days.I think that time is your best allie,especially since you two are not used to argueing.I think that he really cares for you,by making sure you are not alone.Maybe you two just need a short break from each other.

Married 9 years. Wife is a nurse. I'm a teacher.

She prefers to hang out with co-workers, church groups, and the kids to spending time with me. I feel ignored, unappreciated, taken for granted. I'm extremely good to her, maybe too good. Maybe that's the problem?

I've never seriously contemplated cheating on her or divorcing her. But I'm to the point where either of those sounds like valid options to me. Mainly, though, I think I just a pen pal or two in a forum like this. Know what I mean?

 

Thanx,

To me marriage is not about I--but about-- WE!,I think she is being very insensitive to you,Especially if she is not inviting you to join in her in her activities.Trying to change someone is impossible,I would suggest changing yourself.

Some of the most miserable people I know are married,so I would have to be on the side that says most married people are unhappy,.90% of people who go to marriage counselying have one of two major issues(SEX or MONEY) or both.I would have to agree with lunabell and billyjean on the responsibility issue.When I was married me and my wife we're very irresponsible,especially with the money issue.When the bills started pilying up and we we're having a hard time paying them,well we started blaming each other and saying hurtful things.Once hurtful words come out of our mouths they echo around the world and inside the persons brain we said them too.So all of a sudden it is no longer about money but about the way we hurt each other.Bottom line is! I think that if we had learned to be financially responsible we never would of said those things to each other.

Thank you for all of your replies.

 

Melrich, I think you are right, i don't want to demonise her..

 

Miss M you are also right, she knows how to manipulate. But that may not mean that she's evil. HOwevr my paranoia when dealing with people like this is well warranted.

 

And if never fails, no matter how pretty the other women is, she always has to make it an issue because SHE thinks I'm prettier then her. I am so sick of women who can't be real friends to me because of their own insecurities. I think its petty.

 

I don't choose my friends by looks, i choose them by their intergrity and morals and positivity. I could care less if they looked like Halle Berry or not. Maybe i'm in the minority.

 

Ya I find that kinda intresting in life how we choose our friends.I have learned that there is a difference between friends and aquantances.After reading your post it made me look back on a simular situation about 20 yrs ago.I met this guy that was simular to your situation,he had trouble with people and keeping friends with his constant unconscience sabatoge,I am not sure why,but something inside me said

(EVERYONE NEEDS A FRIEND).So I chose to stick with it!Well guess what I am still His only friend just took me a while to understand Him, When the darkest days of my life came, about 4 yrs ago He was one of the few that stood by my Side with vigilance.I kinda agree with Melrich,and have learned to pick my friends real close and that there is always two sides of a story.

Hi, me and my boyfriend love each other dearly, but he smokes. Not as much as he used to (due to my constant nagging) but I'm getting sick of seeing him light up and him not knowing the damage it's causing to his body. We're having a weekend away by the sea in a couple of days and I'm thinking of telling him to enjoy it while he can because he wont see me for a while after that, to make him take me seriously and that it upsets me. I know it won't be long before he comes to his senses and realises that he wants me more than his fags.

 

What does everyone think about this? This is my last resort, I love him too much to lose him to cancer.

I smoked when I was younger and stopped for 18yrs,with the pressures of life and all the stress that goes with it.I started again about 2 yrs ago and do agree that smoking is very unhealthy and my old additude was that people who smoke do not like themselves very much,considering what it does to our health.I smoke about 5 a day and think that it is better then all the meds docs try and give me to reduce my stress level.To be honest with you,since I started I no longer take any medication,including high blood pressure,it is the lowest in 8 yrs.I am currently working and learning about the things that stress me out. I know Nicotine is a drug,but in the meantime I feel safer with it then all those meds the doc tries to get me to take for stress.My question to you jayjay is,did he smoke when you met him?and if he did what was your thoughts then and why have they changed now.

I'm not defending either side here... but a man will naturally continue wanting to do more for a woman if it PLEASES her. If she does not show appreciation or give thanks for the things he does each day, naturally who would want to keep doing things.

 

It's all a matter of appreciating what each person in the relationship does for one another.... no matter how little the task completed is.

 

My best friend once told me a man who truly loves you will always say "bless you" when you sneeze.

I think truckerbabe has a good insight on the way people respond to being appreciated,she has defiantly found a nugget of truth.

I am happy for you M,I did not mean to come off negatively on religion,but have seen what it has done when used in the wrong way.Good luck on your new Journey!

M you already go to church with her don't you? it's just that you don't "love God" the way she does right?

Sounds to me like religion has done it again!! (Seperation and Division).If she has recently been babtised,I will guarantee it that she is being counseled by others,especially in the direction to be like them (perfect).Only problem is no one is perfect,and she thinks they are and wants to be like them.She probably only see these people at church,They will not allow her to see Thier personal lives because if she does she will see thier imperfections and thereforeeee realize that she is just as good as them.Religion is one of the oldest con games in the world if used inappropriately.One of the first areas organized religions attack is convincing us there is something wrong with us and we have to be like them.Control is the main objective!usually applied by Guilt,Manipulation,and intimidation in a very settle way.(It is a form of brainwash)I was in a simular situation as you a few yrs ago,but I was the one listening to others about who was compatible with me according to them.I have since learned the hard way to make my own choices,and not believe just because they believe.My suggestion to you B!! if you really love her! go with her everytime she goes to church and see who,where and what is going on.Sounds to me like they have a plan for her and you are not part of it.

Hun, if she got married so quick after you...you sure you want her back?

 

When we we're dating she wanted to get married to me in the same time frame that she married him.I thought that since she was only devorced 6mths from her husband of 18 yrs that she needed more time to heal.In the year and a half that we dated we got along fine with only two major disagreements.The 2nd disagreement was on the phone and we never saw each other again.We we're like a month away of getting married.I guess I feel like I only saw half the garbage in the relationship and did not experience all of it and gave up too easly.Not sure if I would want her back to get married,but I would diffenately like to see the other half of the garbage if it was there.

I think it depends on the individual,I have seen both men and women respond the same way with heartbreak.Sometimes I wonder if it is a inheritance. Maybe it has something to do with the way we we're raised and how we are taught and conditioned.

It is sad what religion does in the name of God. I am sorry about your parents,I think they mean well,but to push thier beliefs on you and others is wrong.

 

 

We both believed in keeping our faiths and in regards to kids teach them both and let them pick the one they want to follow.

My parents meant well, and i know that they wanted their child to have a good life.

As for my BF i do not think he will ever even think of coming back, since he is desperately looking into dating and because he was the dumper.(wish he was like you i would wait as long as it takes if i am garenteed that there will be a return).

 

Question for you did you realise that you loved your GF after you had dated other people?

 

Not sure what 2 religions you are teaching them to pick from,but I assure you there are more then two!!.I was the dumper,and I did not think it was approporiate for me to date while I was healing from the breakup,I stayed busy remodeling my house,working, ECT until she remarried.I loved her when I broke up with her,but it took me 4 mths to figure out that I let others influence me to the break up,that is when I realized that I really loved her and started hurting.(Darkest days of my life).I think like your parents they meant well,but it was like they we're more concerned about thier image.It is kinda like God has a plan for our lives and so does everyone else.To answer your question,yes I realized I loved her after I dated,I thought it would be easy to replace her,(but she captured my heart) it made me feel so empty to date and I felt like I was loosing part of my self or soul.There are no 100% guarantees of returns,but if we stay healthy and do our homework and research our chances get better.

Ok now you guys got me thinking because mine kept coming back every six months for like 5 years...I guess he was just stubborn.

I tried to go back Mun,But she was Married

I didnt know guys come around in 6 months. ..

 

Guys being the dumpee, I have a question for you. My BF asked me to marry me, I said yes, he told his family while i was there, I told my family, who freaked out as i expected(we both are of different religions, so the freak out).

 

 
[php]Now after all that we went through in the last year, he says to me 2mths ago that he cant take the thought that some day my parents will hurt him and his kids some way, so no he does not want to go on with the relationship[/php]
. 

This was the 4th time he dumped me, i had kept going back to him before cause i love him a lot and i changed my ways to fix his complains. But now this .

 

So question what is going on in this guys mind . I love him otherwise i would have counted his bad points over the good. I have NC with him since the last 2 mths, but miss him in every second of it. He on the other hand i know is not with someone, but is really flirting a lot with girls 10 years younger then him. I do not know more, but only want to know if there is a way i can twist the arm of faith and be back with him.

 

When we were together we got along very well, well enough to think that we want to be married. He was married before, but got divorced 5 years before he met me, has two kids.

 

Please i know i probably sound crazy but it takes sooo long to find a person you want to spend a life with and they do to (atleast in my case initially). This is the first person i fell head over heels for and I know he did to, I just dont understand... guys tell me if you know something[/quote

 

I was dating a gal for a year and a half in a simular situation,we got along great!I was told by the church that we we're unequally yoked,,(Religion).It was also insinuated to me that if I married her I would be excommunicated.It is sad what religion does in the name of God.I am sorry about your parents,I think they mean well,but to push thier beliefs on you and others is wrong.Who's life is it?.So do you or your x believe in your different religions because your parents do,or because of what you we're taught,or do you believe because of your own personal discovery? I broke up with mine on the phone,never to see her again.(Kinda like your X)I tried to repair the situation after I realized that I loved Her 4 mths later,but to my surprise she was already in another relationship,and married 4 mths later.(In the Church by the way)Long story there I still wrestle with the fact that I did not listen to my heart,but I listened to others.It should of been my choice to go on with the relationship and see if it worked.I have learned!----To allow others to make our choices for us is the safe way,if things go wrong we can blame them.(I still blame them) LOL-If we make our own choices we can only blame ourselves.It sounds like religion has devided again.

There is nothing wrong with you being friends,but it seems to me that he is taking advantage of that friendship by being disrespectful and harmful to you.I mean my God girl,how many others is he sleeping with,you are sleeping with everyone he is.Ever heard of STD"S,maybe the reason he takes a shower when he is done is because he feels dirty,or his thoughts of you are!That would seriously make me feel bad and maybe that is why you seem so confused.I can understand your fear of losing him,but apparently you never had him.This Guy needs a true awaking and only you can do it.Cut off the Sex completely for a month and see what happens.He is taking advantage of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Touche'..................D____ is just a space taker, at least for me, huh?

Thanks, I needed that.

 

What am I afraid of? Losing what? Someone once told me "It is better to have nothing, than to have NOTHING"! so true.

I agree with all the others that have been trying to help you,I think that if you really wanted to do N/C you would.I think it was Einsteins definition of Insanity that helped me. We keep doing the same thing over and over and we expect something different to happen each time.

Love is one of the most powerful forces in the world, sometimes we get confused at the real meaning of it.

I have found that reading about others and getting feedback from people who do not know me is very therapeutic.After reading your last post (passions)your situation is very familiar.This thread has helped me alot.I still think that what you are looking for is closure,but at the same time I have to agree with the good advice from scout,novaseeker and shes to smart,we need to get mentaly,emotionally,and physically healthy first.

Like I mentioned scout,

We are all different,just thought I would put some of my personal experience in as maybe some help,and let (passions) know that He is not alone and that there are others on here that are experiencing the same thing and can relate.You say that it seems that he got closure!I also assumed that there was closure when I broke it off with my first girlfriend,but deep inside i knew not.She tried to win me back and I said no,I told her things about her that bothered me and indicated why i was leaving the relationship!There was no closure and we both new it,her more then me.We both had so many questions to ask and we answered them honestly,that is when closure happened.Someyimes I find it very hard not to be just honest with others,but Myself.