dpc036

so it was her choice to break up? it sounds like she has maybe decided her decision was right. the temptations might be there to call her but i wouldnt.

being straight is the best way

i feel as though my difficulty in making this choice is messing the kids and most of all freckilii around too much.

Shadows Light when i say the responsibilties of taking on someone elses kids. i am saying that i am going to have to contribute to the feeding, housing etc. yes i know she has been looking after them for 4 years, she has done a great job and im certainly not saying she would be "dumping" anything on me. but i dont think i am the type of person to not contribute in some way, if i did take on the responsibility. i think the fact that the children will or even have become attached to me just adds extra pressure. i really dont want to mess them around anymore than they may already have been. theres no "ill give it a go and see if it works" here or at least i dont think there is. as kw1202 says i have discussed this with her or at least we've tried to talk it through. but i still have concerns. she has a link to this discussion so she can read what i am saying for those times when i perhaps cant explain myself to her. Hi freckilii by the way!!

Yes we do try and talk about this but generally dont get anywhere. i think she finds it difficult to see what my problem is. she is of the opinion that if i love her as much as i say i do id just be able to do it. i can see her point and i think it has been said in this discussion. but i still dont think it is as simple as that. with a more "conventional" (lets say) relationship i'd have time to grow into the responsibilities of children and marriage etc together with her. instead now id be thrown straight into it. id go from only really having to look after myself to looking after a family. she has had her hands full bringin them up on her own and i know it has been hard for her. but she has done a great job and the kids are generally well behaved. i know kids are kids and they will have their "moments". the kids have grown attached, this was something i was conscious of in the early days. and the fact that they have makes the discission even more difficult. im not only thinking of myself. but the kids feelings and of course the girls.

I have been seeing her for 4 years. i know that she will put the kids first, it is hard to take sometimes but i think im ok with it most of the time. yes there has been some adjustment on my part as it is all new me to me. that is a good point. and her kids are something else i know i now need to take into account.

that in its self kind of controls when we get free time. he only has the kids once a week and isnt usually that helpful. looking at it from his point of view i can kinda see his problem with me. but i guess thats just me bein reasonable. the guy is a loser. meeting and being with the girl has made me think further and hard about the future than i ever probably would have. the fact she has kids has made me think about having them, about settling down buying a house and all that sort of stuff. but do i want my own kids to be even associated with this guy. maybe my "rose tinted" view of how a marriage/family should be needs updating! she is a really great girl and i think that makes it such a head wrecker. and i feel like the fact i am even considering it says how much she means to me.

firstly thanks everyone for your input. vert correct at this point im not married. but the girl is keen to settle down she is a few years older than me and has had her wild times i suppose. so i think she is looking at her life alot at the moment and thinks she should be settled in a long term relationship, ie marriage. we have talked this over and over i obviously have my concerns and cant seem to get the answers from her. she is perhaps to close to it all. i realise nobody can give me "the answer" thats somethin i have to do. but it would be such a life changing choice. i think ive always sort of had an idea in my head how marriage would be as vert said the girl means the world to me and at the moment its wrecking my head. roofergirl thank you for the kind offer of the pm. the way i have looked at it is if the roles where reversed (i had the kids) surely it would slightly easier for the girl as more than likely i wouldnt permanently have my kids as in most situations they'd live with the mother. and yes the "other parent" is a serious problem and has been from day one.

does the fact im even asking the question say it all?

but is that not putting any sort of plans or aspirations i have on hold?

thanks for the reply. its difficult to really know if its right. am i at that point where i should be settling down and taking on such large instant responsibility?? i appreciate what your saying that if i love her then i should do it but i dont think its as simple as that. id say i love her alot. and the kids are great and i care alot for them. but it totally changes the make up of the relationship when we all spend time together as opposed to just me and the girl.

not taking them. taking them on, as in moving in with the partner and paying for them etc all that comes with it.

At 26 would you take on a partners kids?