fulton1734

Hello...this is my story, which I have debated on and off for about 1 year or so.... I am 25, and have been dating a girl for almost 3 years now. When we first met, everything was great.....it wasn't sweep me off my feet amazing....but everything was good....and we quickly got together and very serious. Things were pretty good, and we have never had any major problems with anything....we never argue....we simply never have problems. However, for the past year or so....I have been feeling that at some point, I have to realize if this is a person I can spend my life with, or not...and if not. You would think after 3 years you could know that. And....I basically am losing all feelings for her....don't get me wrong, I care about her deeply....but it is turning into that...she's my best pal love....not, I am passionate about you love. And, I have been debating if you should break up with someone when you dont have a good reason. I have never been in a long term relationship...this being my first. I just feel like my heart isnt there anymore....and I have no feelings. She often is a bit annoying, but in that...little sister kind of way. I just cant make up my mind, because she is the best person I have ever met, and she is so great to me, and we get along so well...and we never have problems.....but what about the something my heart is missing? Is my heart full of it?...just messing with my head? My friends all think she just isnt the one....but it is so hard to make that choice when nothing has happenned to cause me to leave her. I fell as if I have so much invested in this relationship, and I DO love her....but its as if she is just my little sis......which obviously, isnt desireable. Can you break up with someone you love?...and go to nothing? I was always under the impression that when you break up with someone you should feel immediately happy...but i know if i do, it will be as if I was broken up with. But it always comes back to my heart.....and i just feel like there is something else my heart needs. If anyone can advise......I need it. I have been 51/49 % break up one day, and 49/51 stay together the next for over a year........and i can't do it much longer.....listen to my heart, or my head? Thanks

Well, my feelings for Catherine have never changed.....for years....no matter who I have dated, or seen....my feelings for Catherine were always on top...even if they were in the back of my mind. So, I dont think my current relationship has much to do with it.....because nothing with Catherine has ever changed in the past 5-7 years. My current situation is simple...we have been together almost 3 years now.....and we have never had any problems really, she is great to me, and she would do anything for me, and we have had just a very easy going 3 years together. The only reason I am unhappy, is not because she has done anything...its simply because I no longer feel anything towards her. I honestly feel like I am dating my sister half of the time....any feelings of...passion, or emotion, and anything from the heart is gone....she is just turned into my best friend, and nothing more....but we are still together. We have had to spend much of the three years living apart, as she is in med school in chicago.....and she is finally moving back to my city this summer.....and I don't think I can be with her because it will be obvious day to day that my feelings for her arent there..... so it is hard..because i have someone who would do anything for me, she loves me....we never fight.....and we get along great, she is my best friend......but as far as from the heart, I dont feel anything towards her anymore...... I think I am level-headed enough to separate between my 7 years of feelings for catherine.......and what they mean to me....and whats going on in my current situation. I would not just leave my current girlfriend under the hopes I will get back together with catherine someday......but at the same time....knowing I have stronger feelings for someone from my past....should say a lot about what I should do with my current girlfriend. I haven't thought about catherine too much in the past couple of years....and my issues with my current girlfriend have been going on for about a year now.....so i dont think there is a relationship between the two issues.... just a coincidence...but.....who knows.

Does anyone think I am crazy for feeling this way about someone who I dated for a couple of summers when I was 19-21......and havent seen for 5 years?.......I feel as though there is always a place for her in my heart, even should i live to be 105 and never see her again, that wont change.......but I often dont think i should trust my heart....and listen to my brain... Does anyone think I am being non-sensible? Or is it simply true that I cannot ignore my gut feeling and heart? I often think my gut and my heart are conspiring to mess with me....

Thanks guys....but what are your thoughts regarding the fact that I am currently in a 3 year relationship?......is this a bad idea?....as I have to be honest with myself....if things worked out with Catherine (the girl I am trying to get in touch with).....I would have a hard time saying no. So, is this a bad choice?.......or do you feel as though everything will work itself out as it happens? I agree....I have regretted not seeing her for years..and i always kept her in the back of my mind.....and just recently, I opened myself up to fully thinking about her again..and I can't remember feeling so strongly......it hurt when I thought I may never see her again...i couldnt sleep for days. So, I to think I should do it......but when I ask my friends about her, and her story, they will wonder what I am up to...as they know I am in a current relationship.....(which they all tell me I shouldnt be in anyway!) Wow, it seems i have more problems than I first thought......as I explain this......I begin to realize i have several issues to deal with. Thanks again!

Thanks! I suppose my only worry is that I have to kind of dig to get her contact info, as I cant find anything listed in the phone book, and would have to ring up a few people to get the info......and she may be put off by: how did he find me, and why is he calling? I don't think she would feel this way, but after 5 years, you never know. I dont even know if she lives in the state anymore...I have no idea whats going on. I just was unsure if this is a road I should travel, or if I was likely setting myself up for disaster. I have in a way been opening the doors to some rooms lately that I have not been in for awhile, and it is causing for some strange feelings....strong feelings. I also left out a fairly large factor in this story....I have been dating someone for almost 3 years.......which makes going about getting in touch with her a bit more touchy.....but my current relationship is another story to assess!....I am not the happiest camper when it comes to my current relationship.....there isn't anything particularly wrong with it, I just dont feel anything anymore.....which perhaps explains my desire to finally go back and get Catherine....if it isnt too late! Thanks again for your advice...I liked the quote. Thomas

Hello... When I was 18-21, I had dated on and off with an amazing girl. Everything was absolutely great between the two of us, we loved each other, over and over..... but we were young and things just couldnt work out.....a few silly misunderstandings and a change to long-distance forced the relationship to fade away. I don't believe there were/are any hard feelings from the break-up, and for the past 5-6 years, she has always been in my mind. I have dated since, several times, and everyone is compared to her in my mind. I am now 25, and I have not seen or spoken to her in over 5 years. I had always hoped that we would bump into each other, or see each other through mutual friends....but it somehow never happenned. The closest I got to seeing her was seeing her pass by on a busy intersection in her car a couple of years ago. I told myself the other day that I honestly dont know if I will ever see her again, and it made me sick. I have since been thinking about getting in touch with her, even though I dont know how to go about doing so. I don't necessarily want to get back together with her, as it has been so long, and people change......and she could be married for all I know....but I just need to see her, and get her back in touch. My question is, how long is too long to get back in touch with someone like this? Is it inappropriate to find her phone number and give her a call to say hello and to get back in touch? I am not the most outgoing person, and am a bit uncomfortble with the idea of doing this....although I so badly want to. I can no longer ignore my feelings for her that have been dwelling for the past 5 years. I have by no means been obsessed...it's just that I know she was important to me....but we were silly young people.....and my feelings for her wont ever change with time. So, is it ok to pursue her?.....to get in touch?.....or should i let fate decide if we bump into each other. We have several mutual friends, and I am sure if I wanted, I could get in touch.....but I dont know if 5 years is too long...and she may not want to bump into someone from her past. Can someone help me! Thank you.... Thomas