Wyatt

Thanks, Cecelius, Shidoshi. The points you two brought up are always in the back of my head. Again, there is a lot more to the story, but I think the core elements that are causing me problems have already been expressed. I agree with the notion that there are few men that are actively seeking out female friendships because they "just don't like" hanging out with guys. That just doesn't make sense unless the guy wants to be labeled or is labeled homosexual. But if we reverse the situation and we have a woman who "just doesn't like" hanging out with other women, we don't automatically assume that she is more manly than female (in some cases), we just say that she is tired of all the jealousy and resentment that is supposedly inherent in female relationships. I've never actively seeked out female friends, maybe to my dismay. But it was just my natural inclination to have the typical friendships most guys have: their "buddies". The only women friends I have ever had were former love interests and the occasional buddy's girlfriend. That's it. I know I am missing out on having more female friends, but that isn't what my post is about. It's about getting to the real truth behind certain male/female relationships. Thanks again for your replies. This is a much more ineresting topic than I had hoped it would be.

Thanks for your thoughts on the matter. The problem that I have is that it's very hard to convey an entire view of a relationship when all a post can do (unless you write a book) is give the gist of the situation. The truth is, I can understand why some women prefer the company of men as friends. Yes, they can be catty and downright mean to each other. There are a lot of issues that come out of female/female friendships that would never arise between men. And a man is more than happy to share a women's company because it can broaden many perspectives in areas a man could never understand. This I get. But I always wonder about the women who prefer male friends over women not so much because of the supportive nature involved, but rather the increased attention the woman will most likely get from a male friend rather than a woman friend. What I mean is, the type of woman who likes being the centerpiece to a group of admirers. It's this quality that bothers me. Now I know there are all types of relationships out there, but it is this certain quality that some women posess that raises concern over trust issues in myself, and it is this quality that I think causes me the most problems. It's a little vague, I know, but again, this is just a post and not my entire viewpoint. Anyway, I'm just theorizing here. I do appreciate the comments and I will try to keep my head in perspective.

***UPDATE*** Just wanted to give everybody an update to the situation since you all took the time to respond. Since my post here's what's happened: I never confronted her about the guy calling because I knew nothing was actually going on between them. I'm not going to put a leash on her just because I'm paranoid. But, I also wasn't going to ignore my intuition and the obvious fact that she is keeping "something" from me. That being said, we attended an event last weekend which included a lot of drinking, which I am wary of because she has always become somewhat unreasonable when she drinks. But we did it and at one point in the evening, quite out of the blue, she started questioning our relationship, not sure of her feelings, etc. etc. I asked her if there was somebody else. She said, no, there isn't. Then got mad and said she has never cheated on anyone in her life and asked how I could ask her that. I replied, "Because I have to ask since I don't understand where any of this is coming from." The argument went on (in a public bar, mind you....but in a lowered tone) and eventually I asked if she had been thinking of dating other people and she looked away and said, "I don't know....maybe." Well, of course I felt hurt, but validated. I was also under the influence quite a bit, but I felt almost relieved in a way. Anyway, after that she didn't want to continue the conversation (although she said she still loved me, she was tired of arguing). I was finished also, at that point. I proceeded to ignore her the rest of the night and continued drinking until I was absolutely wasted. I had friends there and they took care of me since they knew something was up. I told everybody we broke up and it was over, etc. She told them everything was fine, that we were just having an argument. I left without her (but gave her my keys to go home). Not a great move, but I was not in a good frame of mind. I woke up the next day not remembering a thing about breaking up, but was told what happened. I eventually got a ride home and she was at my place. We talked it over and she apologized for what she said. She didn't know why she said it. I told her I was sorry, too. We talked a bit more and were honest about how we felt about what happened and it made us closer than before. Of course, I think she was being truthful about thinking about dating other people, but I think she realizes now what we have. I'll keep you posted on any new events.

My girlfriend has a few friends that are guys and when we first started dating it bothered the hell out of me when she would want to go somewhere with one of them. She is very attractive and I can see why men would like hanging out with her. She knows that it bothered me, but she said they've been friends for a long time. I learned to deal with it, but I never trusted a "nice" guy who is always around offering to go places with a woman. I've met most of these guys and for the most part (except maybe two) I don't think any of them have any intentions (at least anymore) but it still bothers me sometimes. In my opinion, it's very rare that there is a mutually platonic friendship between a man and a woman. I think there is at least a little bit of attraction one way or another. Some people may disagree, but I believe those are few compared to the rest. You should be able to go to the game, but ask yourself if you are going to the game for the sake of the game or because somebody is paying attention to you.

Wow...do I feel your pain. I posted about my girlfriend having guy friends and I am pretty sure she keeps in contact with ex-boyfriends occasionally. I also think about her being with men before me all the time and it just kills me. It's stupid to think people can't have a past, we all did, but I understand what you mean....you just can't get it out of your head.

Thanks for everyone's reply, I really do appreciate the honesty and personal experience. I agree that we need to talk about it. We did, in fact, talk about it once not that long ago because she said she felt I was uncomfortable when she would hang out with her guy friends. I told her, yeah, at first, but I'm better now. She went on to say that she never dated any of them, and listed each by name, but (and here's the kicker) she never mentioned this other guy's name in the list. Again, I felt like she was trying to cover something up. But, honestly, she does nothing to lead me to believe that anything is happening and let me point out that I don't believe they have seen each other since that one night at his workplace. She hasn't cheated before to my knowledge, but I guess you could call her a bit "naive". What also bothers me is that I agree with the poster above who said that men usually have more than just friendship in mind, even if they say they don't. Hell, once I hung around a girl for almost two years as a "good friend" but I was totally infatuated with her and she had a boyfriend, too. And I agree, this guy wasn't calling at all until he saw her out. My gut is just screaming something is up although she is almost always with me. My head gets the best of me, I know. I'll most likely have to bring it up but I can't and won't say that I was checking up on her. I just don't want her to come to me one day and say, "Hey, I'm meeting you-know-who out later...."

All right, I'll try to keep this manageable. There's a lot more to this, but here are the main issues: My girlfriend has a lot of guy friends. When we met over a year ago it bothered the hell out of me, but since then I've met most of them and hung out. For the most part it's fine. Not that I entirely love the fact that she perfers hanging out with them rather than women, but I can understand it. She is a very attractive girl and I would be naive to assume men won't talk to her and flirt a little. Yes, my insecurities get the best of me and that is a huge problem right now, but I'm doing the best I can to just be OK with it all, but it is very difficult, which brings me to the real issue. She has this one guy "friend" whom she rarely talks about, but calls and receives calls from every now and then. When we first began dating they talked more often, but it became less frequent in the last six months. But, two weeks ago she said she wanted to go out with her friends (male and female) to the bar where this guy worked (without me, at her request) and I just played it cool since It had been a while since she had gone out. I didn't want to assume or overanalyze anything. However, since then, he started calling again. The first time was on Valentine's Day and now again a couple of day's ago he called again, and now she called him last night. (Don't ask me how I know all this either because she never tells me that she has spoken with him.....ever. No, I'm not proud of myself for snooping). I know they "dated" before, but she never said so (I overheard a conversation once). He's a "friend". The worst part about it is that I have no reason whatsoever to think anything is going on. We are together a lot, and the nights we aren't, she calls and everything is fine. I know she thinks about marriage, but I just can't get over the fact that she won't tell me anything about him when she talks about everyone else. So, what I guess I'm asking is this: I know somebody out there has had a similar situation, so I'd like to know how he/she dealt with this paranoia, or, was there actually something to all of it? I've always had anxiety and depressive issues, but it's been getting worse lately. Half my time is spent brooding and overanalyzing her relationship with this guy. Just a note, I saw a doctor and I am taking medication to alleviate my anxiety, but it's early yet. I know that I am being too paranoid, but venting like this helps since it's been building up for so long. Anyway, I'd appreciate any thoughts.