I have been in a relationship for 6-years & we live together. (I am 30) I have been miserable now for 5 years. I don't feel like the relationship is working. She loves me, but I just don't have those same feelings. I have not touched her (meaning sex, kissing) in 5 years. (She wants to have sex but I dont) I fight with her over insignificant things.
I have been fantisizing about other woman (noone inparticular, just ones I make up in my head).
I just feel like she is controlling. I have no friends. I used to have friends, but they are all gone. I am living a miserable existence. I tell her I need some gay friends & losing weight, but she gets jealous & mad. Saying that I am going to meet someone else & leave her when I lose weight, etc. If I am on the phone or receive a phone call she "jokes" that I am talking to my gf. I have no life. I can't go anywhere alone without her being with me. We don't go out b/c it is a miserable experience. If I talk to other people at a bar (women) she gets upset & starts fighting with me. When I take a day off from work she does to. Isnt it enough that we ar together 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. I need some free time. I want to see other people. I want to know what it is like to be in love. I can't take it anymore.
My self-esteem is so low. I am afraid of leaving her. Afraid that I won't meet anyone else. Afraid that I will be alone. I feel old. I feel ugly. I have put on so much weight b/c I am depressed all of the time.
I am not blaming her for these issues. She is a great person. I love her like I would love my sister & that is all. I just dont want to be intimate with her b/c I am unattracted to her. I am afraid to break it off. Thinking that I am making a huge mistake.
I am posting here b/c I have noone to talk to about this. No friends. My family doesnt know I am gay.