kim42

I also agree with what others have said - you already showed him that you're interested so it's his turn now, I wouldn't text him again. Try to stay busy in the meantime - I know, easier said than done, but I'm sure you have more interesting things to do than just to wait for his message! 🙂

Wait at least one day to see if he sends you a message, however, if he doesn't text you by tomorrow, I would assume he's probably not that interested. I'm from Europe, so maybe it's different over here, but usually when a guy likes you and wants to see you again, he will either text you right after the first date, or the next day.

I moved abroad several years ago, I definitely don't regret it, although it was very hard at the beginning. It seems there will be no language barrier for you, so it should be easier. I see my family twice a year, and it's okay for me, but I know it's not for everyone.

Thank you, Batya, I don't feel that I have to defend myself, I get that not everyone might be able to understand my situation, but this thread has definitely helped me to realize some things, so all is well.

I know it's an extreme reaction, that's why I have started this thread. I think I'll be more comfortable in these situations with time.

From my perspective, it feels like I am the center of attention - I find this small talk unnecessary and it makes me uncomfortable. I think it also has to do with the fact that I come from a culture where we don't do small talk at shops, so I'm still not used to it.

I usually drink tap water, some tea and recently I have replaced coffee with decaf coffee. I have to admit I drink diet Coke sometimes. I like mulled wine too.

Thanks to spinstermanquee's comment, I have realized it's probably because I don't like being the center of attention - I just want to buy what I need to buy and leave the shop.

Thank you everyone for your comments, I appreciate your help! I think this reply describes pretty much how I feel in these situations. I think this is the main issue – I just hate being the center of attention, so if someone at the coffee shop recognizes me, it makes me feel uncomfortable because I just want to buy my coffee (it’s decaf by the way 🙂 ) peacefully and not have to deal with unwanted attention. I know this is regular customer service, and as I said before, everyone has been very nice to me so far, but I simply don’t like this – even at my previous work, I used to hate celebrating my birthday with my coworkers (it was obligatory) – the idea behind it was nice, but I hated being the center of attention – I am much more comfortable watching these situations from afar. I think it might be due to my upbringing as well – it was a little chaotic, with an emotionally distant parent. Either way, thank you spinstermanquee, I think I understand myself a little better now.

I think it's cool too, I hope I can enjoy these situations rather then feeling ashamed, appreciate your comment.

I think I have definitely have a fear of abandonment, I am trying to untangle my issues one after another. I don't want to avoid these situations, I tell myself each time that nothing bad has happened to me, and that people were actually nice to me - I just want to become more comfortable, hopefully one day I won't feel anxious at all. Thank you for your comment!

Yes, I’ve been to therapy a few times. I think it might stem from my lack of self-confidence – one of my deepest fears is that if someone gets to know me a little more, they won’t like me anymore and stop talking to me. It is hard to explain, maybe I am afraid that people will judge me because I have a favorite coffee shop? I know it sounds ridiculous. I think it’s this fear of being judged.

Hey everyone, I don’t know if anyone has experienced something similar, I hope someone can help me. So I have this thing that when I have a favorite shop or a restaurant that I go to frequently to the point that sometimes the staff recognizes me, I have this intense feeling of shame. I can’t explain why, everyone has been nice to me in these situations so far, but this small talk triggers so much anxiety within me. I would like to change it, but I don’t know how. I realize that these are not life-threatening situations, and maybe some people would even become friends with the restaurant owners, but when it happens to me, I just want to disappear. I know I’m not doing anything bad – I just feel so embarrassed that they recognize me. For example, there this one coffee shop that I really like, and the last time I was there to buy coffee, the barista said that it was nice to see me again, and this casual sentence made me feel so bad, I could feel my face turning red and I felt so ashamed. Even typing this feels weird, is there anything I can do to stop feeling like this? I know there’s nothing wrong with having a favorite place, all my friends have their favorite spots, I don’t know why I get so anxious. I’m not hiding anything, I am naturally a little shy but I would like to approach these situations in a more normal way. Thank you for reading this, I hope that someone can understand me.

If i were him, I would probably accept by now that there is no reply and I should let it go. I deleted that email, and I also blocked him on this social media platform so he cannot stalk me anymore. Thank you everyone for your help - I finally have some sort of balance in my life, and I don't need additional stress in my life.

Thank you, Blue, for your kind words.

I'm not saying he's a bad person, I just don't want to be in contact with him.

Thank you Cherylyn, me saying that I'm not looking for any advice probably didn't come out right - I'm sorry, I can't even write down my thoughts properly. I was thinking about the respectful rejection thing, but I kind of feel he might not respect my decision and he might keep pushing me to talk to him, and I just don't want any of that at the moment.

Hi everyone, the situation below bothers me, and I am looking to vent. So I have a half sibling that I never met, a little older than me. I know about their existence, but we have never been in touch, and I have no desire to talk or meet with him (I have personal reasons for keeping my distance). This half sibling has reached out to me several times in the last couple of months, he even somehow found out my email address and sent me an email with some family pictures. I didn’t like this as it felt invasive. He thinks that I don’t know about him. I am quite surprised that he is trying so hard to get in touch as he has not been speaking with my parent for many years. I didn’t reply to any of these attempts to communicate, and I hope he will eventually understand that I don’t want any contact with him. I am not looking for any advice, as I said I just need to vent, we don’t really talk about this in my family and this thing is making me uncomfortable. Please don’t judge me because of how I feel about this – the first marriage of one of my parents has caused a lot of trouble in my family, and I had to grow up with this. Thank you for reading.

This is something I didn't realize before, and I would be intimated in such situations. Now that I see that the outcome is not scary, I feel more confident.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I'd focus on your new boyfriend and forget about this man. The above description seems kind of creepy to me, I think you dodged a bullet.

So I saw this “mean” person again this weekend – it’s a group of friends and she was there, so it’s not like I was looking for her company. She tried to behave to me in a similar way like last time – she interrupted me twice as I was speaking to say something “funny” or to talk about herself. I wasn’t quiet this time – at first, I gave a sarcastic reply, and the next time I told her that I would like to finish my sentence. Then she stopped interrupting me, and later that day she texted me to apologize. Thank you everyone for your comments, it really helped me to have more confidence in myself, and to trust my gut. I didn’t know I could speak up for myself without feeling guilty or like a bad person. I feel much better than last week when I was just sitting silently.

that's a good point, I never thought about it like that, I would be so focused on the fact if I'm not overreacting. It's almost as if I needed someone to tell me that my feelings are valid and to confirm that person was indeed rude to me - if that makes sense. Thank you for all your help, I feel like I understand myself more 🙂

I definitely want to change this, I want to overcome this fear and stand up for myself - I know it's strange to be afraid of this as an adult. I think it has to do with how I was raised as child, I was told that I was being oversensitive and somehow it has stuck with me, so when I am in a situation when someone is rude to me, instead of defending myself, I start to question what's going on, and I feel bad for saying something.

Yes, I've read that list, it is incredibly helpful 🙂

Yes, this is something I need to to - to show them that I'm not weak. This is why I started this thread because I don't want to be the one who gets teased/picked on.