kim42

I like this, I'm not sure if I am confident enough to react like this but I feel more prepared now, thank you!

I think I am afraid of speaking up in such situations because I don’t want to come off as someone who is “difficult” or doesn’t have a sense of humor. But I’m almost 30 so I should learn to say something, I think I can’t avoid confrontation forever.

Thank you everyone for your replies. This was a group of friends, not coworkers. I’m not close with this person, she was sober. There were 4 of us, all girls, and my good friend texted me the other day that she felt bad for not saying something, she didn’t like how that person behaved to me, but she didn’t know what to do. Banter is okay, I would not mind friendly teasing, but I think this was too much. Some examples – we were discussing something, and after I expressed my opinion – the subject wasn’t heavy or anything – she said several times “that is not true” in a rather condescending way. Now I don’t mind if someone disagrees with me, that’s fine but I didn’t like how she said that, and she didn’t react like this to anyone but me. Also, when I was telling a story, she would interrupt me at least three times with some “funny” remarks – she was trying to imply that my story wasn’t relevant. I don’t think I was being oversensitive, there were more moments like this, but now I know that I will try to speak up if this happens again. The thing that bothered me the most is that she was like this only with me, not with the 2 people. And as I mentioned, this is not the first time that I find myself in this situation, that someone is mean to me, and it was always a woman that I would barely know. I was always friendly with these people, so I’m not sure what I did to “deserve” this behavior. I don’t like confrontation, but I am determined to say something if I find myself in this situation again.

Hi everyone, I have a hard time standing up for myself in some situations, and it has happened to me twice that someone was not nice to me (not the same person), and I didn’t say or do anything. And later I felt upset that I didn’t say anything in the moment. So both times I was part of a small group of people, we were having dinner, and one person would just start making fun of me, interrupt me while I was speaking, basically trying to be “funny” on my expense. As I said, I didn’t react in that moment, I just let it be because I didn’t know how to react. I knew it wasn’t cool but I didn’t know what to do. I was scared to stand up for myself because I didn’t want to ruin the dinner. I think I would say something if it was just me and the “mean” person, but since this was a group thing, I didn’t want to spoil the mood for everyone. I don’t know why I end up in this kind of situation, I’m usually the more quiet/shy one, definitely not someone who wants a lot of attention. I am not close to the people who were not nice to me – the first time it was someone I barely knew, and the second time an acquaintance – so not my friends, just part of the group. My question is - is it okay to say something when someone is treating me like this? I don’t think I did something that would trigger this behavior, I avoid conflict and heated arguments, I feel that these people choose me because I am the shy one/the nice one. Like they know that I won’t say anything, and they can continue being mean to me. I don’t mind teasing or when my friends are making fun of me in a friendly way, that’s fine, I just don’t feel comfortable when someone clearly chooses me as a target to make fun of me, in front of everyone else. I would like to learn how to react in these situations and what to say to these people, so they stop this behavior. I don’t want to be quiet the next time this happens. Also, both times I felt that something was wrong, but I still wasn’t sure if I just wasn’t overacting in my head, and it was only after my friends told me that that person was mean to me that I realized that my feelings were valid. I’d just like to be more self-confident and learn how to set boundaries. I know this is long, sorry, I hope it makes sense!

I came here as well to write about it, because where I live people don't really care. Its' so sad 😥

I feel stressed about the current situation in Ukraine 💛💙 My family lives in Eastern Europe, they are all safe but it's still hard for me.

Thank you, this is really helpful

Yes, a long term relationship is something I look for.

I'll try to answer all of these 🙂 I don't really care what his profession is (as long as it's not something illegal), I like educated men with good manners who like to read books and learn new things. Gambling is a no-no, drinking is okay I guess, if he's not an alcoholic of course. As for traveling he destinations don't matter that much, just someone who likes discovering new places and cultures. Just someone who sees traveling as an adventure.

There are more qualities, I just didn't want to list them all 😄

I like men who are smart, easy-going, with an open mind and a good sense of humor. And they should like travelling. I don't think I am too demanding.

I meant that I need to learn to do this. I'm sorry, as I said several times, English is not my first language, so I may not use the most correct word all the time to express myself but I don't think it's necessary to analyze every word I say.

This is something I really need to learn, thank you.

Thank you, Lambert, this has helped me a lot 💜

We don't talk that much lately, and he also takes longer to reply to my messages, so I'm scared he might reject me. It seems it has probably fizzled out.

Thanks everyone for your input, I’ll try to reply to all of you, and explain some things. Disclaimer: English is not my first language, please be patient with me🙂 Yes, this is the same guy that I mentioned in my December thread. I stopped talking to him for a while because I wasn't sure if he was interested. He started to talk to me again in January, we would talk a lot, he would comment on my social media, we have many things in common and I like his sense of humor, he’s also very smart. He’s definitely more shy than extroverted. Usually when a guy would talk to me like this, and comment on my Facebook, he would end up asking me out – based on my experience – so I thought this guy would do the same, but it didn’t happen so yes, it’s frustrating. I tried to flirt, I tried to be more open as I didn’t show much interest last year (I'm rather shy myself), but he’s been giving me mixed signals so far. I know it’s ridiculous to wait for him this long, I know I should just move on. The rational part of me knows I need to let go because he’s wasting my time. I don’t know why I’m stuck on him, I think he gave me some hope in January, and because I didn’t go on many dates with other men, I was too focused on him. We’re in the same group of people that organizes events and get togethers, I don’t want to stop going to these events as many of my friends are there, and it’s an occasion to meet new people/men too. The thing is that my hobbies are very feminine/girly, even my dancing class is for women only, so I am happy when I can be in a mixed group occasionally. Someone asked me which qualities I look for in a man. Of course there are some things that are important to me when dating someone, I think I need to focus on this rather than analyzing why a guy is not interested in me.

Yes, Rose, it's the same man. I just need to move on from him, I feel silly that I keep waiting for him to do something.

I'm sorry, I know it's hard for everyone. As for the weirdos from dating apps, they usually just want sex. In real life, I've met men who were clingy after the first date, or they would have a girlfriend.

That's a good question, I am definitely more concerned with whether or not they like me. I don't know why I am like this, I think it should be the other way around but it's as if I needed to tick a man off my list in my head - ok, he likes me. I know this must sound unhealthy 😐

He didn't ask me out, but we would talk a lot, and he was also all over my social media, so I thought he might be interested, but maybe I have read too much into these signals.

So I felt sad and out of my luck yesterday because of this guy who seemed to be interested, but he's been giving me mixed signals, and it seems he likes someone else too, and I feel he's just keeping me around if his plans don't work out. I don't know why I have this feeling that a man would fill the void in my life, maybe I shouldn't try so hard.

Thank you, Batya, this is something I need to work on. I tend to to overthink and overanalyze how a man behaves and the things he does, or doesn't do, and that's part of the reason why I feel drained I guess.

Thanks everyone, I was feeling down today. I used to be excited about dating and meeting someone, but now I just can't be bothered anymore.

Hello everyone, Lately I’ve been feeling emotionally drained when it comes to dating and meeting men in general. I just feel out of my luck, every time I like someone, they either have a girlfriend, or they show interest only to disappear later. I know this happens to a lot of people, but lately I feel like I’m only attracting men I’m not interested in. The ironic thing is that I get a lot of attention from men, but for some reason not from those that I like. I’m not the biggest extrovert, but I’ve been working on this and I have joined different groups to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people. This has been successful so far, but my dating life is still a mess. I’m also on this dating app but there are mostly weirdos. I have a steady job, my coworkers like me, I have many friends, I have hobbies and I’ve tried to stay social even during the pandemic (without breaking the rules 😊 ), so from the outside my life looks all good but I feel so lonely sometimes. People usually like me, I get many compliments from men and women, it’s true I can be a little shy at first, but I don’t think I am high maintenance or something. I’ve bee trying to show more interest when I like someone because before I’d just wait for a guy to make a move, but it hasn’t changed much. I don’t want to turn into a cynical woman who will hate all men, I try hard to keep a positive mindset, but I feel like I’ll never find someone who’s compatible with me. I sometimes wonder how other women find a boyfriend or end up a with a guy they I like. I don’t mean it in a jealous way, I’m truly curious because I think I am doing something wrong here. I don’t know if this makes sense, I’m sorry, I’m just sad today and emotionally exhausted from everything.

Oh I talked to many people, it was not just him, I wouldn't have talked to him myself if he hadn't approached me.