nEwGiRlie

Hi everyone. I started university this sept. I have already graduated last year and obtained my associates, but decided to further my education, beccause I am into art,a nd the more degrees i have, the better chance I have geting a job that really works out for me. Here is my problem, which is getting me extremely depressed, and paranoid. I have to live my parents for now because I can't afford living on my own. I apreciate my parents letting me stay, so much. But, they are going through a difficult time with their marriage. Theyve been like this for about a year. Dad is cheating on mom, and mom is tired of it. They look like they get along at times, then mom tells me she wants him out, but he wont give in so easily, so he stays. Whatever they are going through, even though at times I feel i should get my nose out of their problem, I think it affects me and find a way to help mom out, because she's the one suffering most. I feel sad that dad at times acts like a teenager. He says stupid and childish things to mom. Anyway, that is not the only problem I have. I have been panicking recently about bills & school. I don't feel motivated what so ever. I dont even feel the need to get out of bed. I am dating someone who is wonderful to me, and he is trying his hardest to calm me down, and help me out. He tells everytime I have a panic attack, that there are people who love me dearly, and will support any decision I make, including him. And the only way I can stop feeling panicky, is to the get off my pretty butt and do something to help myself out, no matter what it is...like working out, or organizing my bills, and keeping up with my payments. College is taking so much out of me, not so much with homework, and schedule conflicts with my part time job, but the costy situation. I can't afford college, yet, I am attending it. I figured i willl always be in debt, so why not start early so I can pay some of it. At times, I regret enrolling, but some other times, I defend my reasons why I did. There is no win win situation, unless I do good in school, and after graduation, I get a job that satisfies me, earn good money, etc... Anywho, I wish I could feel motivation, knowing that I have reasons to, I still don't do it. Honestly, there are times that I start depending too much in other people. Like my parents, my boyfriend, and friends, which I hardly have. I feel old, and I feel like I am running out of time to better my life, to get organized with my bills, my time with boyfriend, and family. I know, this is not a perfect world. I am scared of never being able to be independent. I am afraid of becoming dependent and giving up. Why must I feel so lazy, so lacked of interest? My room is a mess, I dont even check my mail anymore..and it could be something important. why am I not doing the things I thought I enjoyed. For example paint, draw, excercise, do well in school. My lack of interest is affecting every aspect of my life. I am so terrified that if I don't stop this, my life, as I know it, will end up being a pathetic one. How can I manage to get up in the mornings, and either follow a schedule, or so something productive? I know I have a job that pays a bit, and a boyfriend that is so wonderful to me, but Why is that NOT HELPING ME MUCH?? Someone, is there a plan or schedule I should follow?? Should I write down small realistic goals, to start off?? Thanx so much for reading, everyone.

Hello somanaomi. First of all, thank you for taking your time to post. I didn't say they are involved- I said maybe they are or they aren't. About the grades, our own instructor let everyone in the class know she's the ONLY one with a 'perfect grade' and he wasnt kiddin, and that is the reason why a few classmates, not only me...go a bit concern. At the end of the day he apologized anyway, so it doesnt matter anymore. But again, thank you for your post Take care, newbie

Well, one of my classmates did mention this to the instructor this morning. Since it is kinda affecting the whole group. I guess our teacher realized and apologized to the whole class. Now things are better. Thanx for the advice. Newbie

Well in all honesty, (girls)we are always competitive with everything we do and jealousy is part of our lives, but moving to what I really care for the most- MY GRADE. It is not only me who have noticed the unique attention SHE receives- I have had chats about this to other students (including guys) and they too notice that when it comes to showing our work etc... He concentrates on her the most. Ok, so let me explain a bit better to make it clearer. So far she's the only one who have been receiving the highest grade out of all of US and all she does when in class is talk talk and talk(on the CELLPHONE most of the times). A little strange...don't you think? Anywho, whatever is happening between those two, I don't want it to affect my grade. I don't think is fair for a person to pass a class just by looks. If that turns out to be the only way, then I will too have to look like I am going out on a date. Though, I prefer doing in it on a real date. Thanx for your advice, shadylady and Iceman. I appreciate it! Newbie

Hello everyone! I am very happy to have found this site. I have so many things going on in my life and i need to let it all out. First of all, I started college not so long ago. So far it's been fine- Having a good time with my new friends etc.. but I have noticed something from one of my teachers (design). Let me start from the beginning. We are a class of um..about 20 or 15, depends if everyone comes (lol). There's this girl who I think everyone considers her pretty. She's got the blonde hair, make up on, petite, blue eyes. That doesnt bother me at all. What does concerns me a bit is that our design teacher pays more attention to her than the rest of us girls in class. We are 5 girls in THE WHOLE CLASS! Yes, I do understand that out of the 5 girls, she's the one who comes to class as she were to go on a date. She wears lots of make up, dresses up in stylish clothes etc. I don't think our teacher has any involment with her, but it would be very crappy if I found out he's more interested on what she does just because of the way she looks. I don't consider myself ugly, I do dress a bit more casual than her....but DOES THAT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH getting a GOOD GRADE or having the teaChers appreciation of the work I do in class?? Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you so much, Newbie