DropToZero

People also lead other people on, aka "string them along" because they want to keep someone around until they find someone better.

I dont know about your "guys" comment...but as for this one, I think it's true. I met someone, and initially I wasn't attracted to her that much, but I found she liked me and we kissed at a party, long story from there. At the time though, I felt like all I was really trying to do was just "get" with someone because I was getting over another girl. But do to this whole "story," somehow over these past few months this girl has still held my interest due to her insane complexity when it comes to guys...she even has me confused now(insane meaning, just how strong it is and hard to figure out too haha). I dont know though, these days, with all that's gone on between her and I, I still sometimes feel we both are just "stringing" one another along till we find someone better.

good post man, I also had the same sort of thing. I've gotten over mine to a certain point, but I would LOVE to become better at it. Like you had said, get a job where you are forced to meet and talk to people(because I've got a job where you see the same 25 people every day). Yeah, I'm comfortable with them, but I've been trying to get a second job like you had where I have to meet and talk with random people because I want to be even better at it. I want to be able to approach anyone, and I think a job like that would help me...too bad almost every time I've applied at one, they all want "someone with experience"...it's getting really annoying...no one will train anyone any more...even though I pick up just about anything very quickly. Maybe you know how I could possibly convince a supervisor or manager to hire me? How did you get your job?

My personal situation, a long time ago...like about last summer or something maybe around this time, I was invited to a party by a very good friend I had made in classes. She and I weren't really close, but we flirted etc...but even in my opinion, I never really had looked at her "that" way, I will admit I was really attracted to her, but that's as far as it went because...I just didn't "like" her like that. Anyways, one night she'd invited me to a party and I was drunk(or close to) sitting down on a couch, and she was up and around talking to everyone, and I grabbed her hand getting her attention and talking to her (not hard, but like held), and even I knew in that instance, it was just kind of uncomfortable, you can tell when something's not really "right" about it. She didn't really react or pull away, just stayed there for a second and talked.

It didn't do anything though, it only lasted like a couple seconds, and we've never really spoke of it. And no it didn't hurt the relationship at all, we're still really good friends and I've been invited to her house plenty of times after that. Personally though, just make sure you "know" if she's into you mutually before you go and do something like that.

Perfect example of how women can never be happy. Its a sad sad day.

lol....so true...

I'm going to be honest as you wanted...

So...honestly, no...don't give her your number like that. I know you've not done this, so maybe if you want to trial and error this and see what happens, go for it and see the results. But I can almost prove the fact that she either will say "I have a b/f/I'm not interested" or ...just plain not call you, then you'll feel awkward going in there.

Number two, all retail/customer type jobs, require people to be friendly with customers, it's just how they are(otherwise they wouldn't visit again). So you really have to be careful to distinguish a fake/forced smile and friendliness from a true one, and it's really hard with people with those types of jobs.

You want the truth, flirt, cause that's your only way in to find out if she's just being friendly for her job purposes or if she responds to it and flirts back. Again, this isn't easy, because it's very hard to know if she's doing it for her job, but then, and only then, say "I've got to run, sorry", turn away to leave, then turn back and say "What's your phone number?" From there on in, what happens...happens... If she says one of the above still, like I have a b/f, just say okay and leave(don't fret over it either, it's just one girl). If she says she's no, just be like "Aww It won't hurt, I'm only going to call you like 20 times a day"(jokingly), and if she still says no, just say bye and leave. Good luck

Hmmm...wow me answering this could definitely give me away, but he goes.

I have always deleted the name from messenger(RIGHT AFTER BREAK UP-ASAP), but I never block unless they're not leaving me alone. In my even more recent situation, there's a reason that works two ways as to why I do that. One being, I WILL NOT drive myself crazy, and read every away message or be tempted to IM etc... It's an out-of-sight, out-of-mind type thing, and it's easier once their name is gone to think about wanting to talk. Trust me, I've left the name on there before and made myself crazy reading profiles and away messages. Number two reason being(to show why this works), I don't block so THEY CAN read all my messages, and in the most recent event, a girl I had been dating but I was really pissed at her, and I recently found out(like I used to do), she drove herself nuts night after night reading my messages and profiles(I always have songs on them, many having to do with what was even going on). Literally...she was so worried what I thought of her, when I'd stop being mad, why I hadn't blocked her etc...sorry, it works though, and it's not my problem that she didnt block me.

In the end though, I usually even don't have girl's s/n that I'm dating on my messenger because I don't want to know every second what she's out and up to because and away message is up. Try it though, so far I've done pretty well keeping myself in control using the above.

Haha, nice, like this poem, I think everyone's felt that way from time to time. Even me now, hope it gets better though...for you and me.

Yeah, we've all done it man, but the advice that you want to make this all better, is something you're not going to want to hear. In order to get a girl to 'come back' in a sense, you've got to pull back yourself even further. I know you don't want to think of your "next girl," but that's the only way to show that you don't need her and are secure with yourself. You need to keep dating, going out, having fun meeting others. That's the only way, your begging or pleading or trying to contact her in any way will be seen as neediness, and it will only push her away further. So, just do it yourself, you have to pull back and stay strong if you really want her to come back...pretty much N/C. I mean, even if she does call in the next month, maybe don't pick up and then call her back a few days later. If she doesn't call, you have to get it set in your mind that it's just time to let go, I wouldn't even wait that long...but you've gotta make it look like you're moving on even if it's making you feel bad inside cause you think she's "your one girl." Good luck!

No, I dont think you have any problems haha, at least I'm sort of going through the same thing. I can't really find anyone either, everyone seems like you said, just unlikeable or just a total turn-off lately...sucks kind of, maybe it's just cause I'm so set on the fact that all girls do is cause drama and that's the last thing I really want right now. Good luck tho...if ever we find what we're looking for...

I had an interesting, but short insight yesterday from my best friend, someone I've known for the past 10+ years, and we've always been great friends and don't judge each other and are always happy for one another when something good comes along(no matter what it be). Like I said, I will not judge him for this either, because I know it has to do with just the way people see the world, but I thought I'd see what others think.

Anyways, we were talking, and I brought up the idea of cheating in a relationship/marriage (because of friend of ours does it a little too often) and the fact that I don't agree with it, because...obviously, it destroys trust and makes other feel very precarious in the future when it comes to commitment. The issue being, my friend thinks it's okay to cheat in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, yet when you're in a marriage, it's wrong. Well...I didn't sit there and argue it, because it was too late at night, and I didn't feel like getting into a discussion.

I cannot understand how people think that way, and I would like to know others inputs. I think cheating is wrong...period, yet I know people are not perfect and we make mistakes, and sometimes things happen. But for someone to think it's okay to cheat in a word-based relationship(b/f&g/f) vs. marriage(on paper agreement basically with vows taken), I cannot understand. I want to know how anyone could think that, I mean if you cheat on someone when you're in a b/f & g/f relationship, why would they EVER want to get MORE involved with you(i.e. marriage). It just doesn't make sense, how can you build a relationship with someone in that way, if you think cheating is okay outside of marriage(because that's how the world is-in my friend's words).

I guess this is sort of a rant, but I would like to see or hear from others on what they think of this.

Hi everyone,

 

When a man is attempting to convince a girl that he's the one for her (during the initial attraction/flirting moments or during a date) what are the many things that cause him to self-destruct, to the point where the girl thinks "mmm, he's just not for me..I'll pass"?

 

What are the common pitfalls that a man should try to steer clear of, concerning his: voice projection, verbal and non-verbal communication style, looks, personality, intelligence, sexiness (or lack thereof) ?

Well first of all, never try and convince a girl you're the one for her, in ANY way. That is your number one fall because you will always come off as trying too hard and it'll make you look bad, and more than likely she'll pick up on it. Being yourself first and foremost will remove any chance of you trying to hard because you need NOT care what she thinks and whether or not she likes you, that's her problem, her choice. You just be yourself and in the end that will show through, girl's(and guys) aren't attracted by choice you have to understand. It's just a gut feeling, never try to convince someone their right for you or otherwise.

As for the second question, that can go along with just being yourself. Though I know there are some guys that are better at it than others, if you really want to get help, find a few girl friends of yours, and ask them to observe you in a general manner. Now I know it won't be the same cause they're your friends and not a date, but see if they can observe any small things you may be able to work on to improve yourself overall(maybe your speech(too fast, too slow?), body posture, etc...). Good luck...

I don't exactly condone cheating...but...in any case, I think all-in-all, this poem/story you may like to read has something to do with what may going through your mind, and what could or could not happen in the end.

It's pretty interesting...

Thanks guys!!!

 

Especially Lonelyinasmalltown. I love linkin park and i never knew the significance behind "In The End". Now that i listen to it.... everything applys to me... everything. As i stated at the start, everyone should take a look at AudioVent - The Energy. That song has helped me out alot too.

 

Im not going to listen to "Since you been gone" by Kelly, not that i dont like the song, but my ex does and i know she would be listening to it. Thanks very much though!

 

Cheers guys and gals!

Definitely have heard it, Audiovent's a very unknown, but good band, I have that CD, "Back and Forth" is another good one off of that release you may want to listen into more. good luck, keep listening...

If I was told that, I would be...content...I think is the best way to put it. I like to think of myself as a pretty self-serving independent person, and I don't have to have someone in my life to be happy. Of course, people generally are more happy when in relationships of some sort, so I'm sure my level of happiness would never reach that level, but I could live with it. This could go into a whole separate discussion as to where people that are okay with the fact that they would be single the rest of their lives seem more in-control because they don't have that dependency on others they are in a relationship to feel good, they are seen as stronger, and the fact that someone could possibly be in a relationship with you is just a part of your life, and will not take over it...and I'm rambling, I answered the question 5 sentences ago hehe.

My all time favorite rock band, and one that never lets me down in any situation...god this could easily get me caught haha, but yea...TRUSTcompany, anything off of their CD The Lonely Position Of Neutral. And again, this could easily reveal who I am due to recent circumstances hah, but if you like acoustic rock songs...I've really gotten into a new band called Time and Distance, they have a website address link removed where you can hear any one of their songs and read most of the lyrics, I especially like "lost in me." I guess I may as well keep going, umm another new band Aphasia, you'd have to download their song "then again," but they have other great songs too. Valencia is another new band, not hard rock, more punk, but the song "Away we go" is good for thinking that you were the best thing in their life, and it was their wrong choice to let you go. Hope these help, enjoy!

Ooooh god yes, not going to try and lay it on too thick, but yes there will be MANY MANY MANY more formulas. Chemistry is so much more in-depth in college, and in some universities to a point where it is a very very hard class, you get 3X the amount of formulas and things to memorize, and all in a lesser amount of time before the tests. Not going to try and scare you(though this probably is, I dont know tho, I took Chem. classes at supposedly one of the hardest universities for chem.), but it will be a very tough challenge in college, chemistry is definitely a "weeder" type class, only the ones who work hard will make it through with a good grade.

Yea I know exactly what you mean K8tie, sometimes I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do...I mean, can I go ahead and tell my little story here please? hehe umm...

Last week I was out at a party, and surprisingly the girl I was 'dating' was there, and during one point of the party I took her outside of the party(my original intentions I will admit were just like 5 mins of making out, then going back in), and she broke down in my arms and started crying and letting everything out(she was drunk)...and this went on for like 20 mins. So I tried being compassionate and just letting her talk and just listening, not really responding too often...then it finally stopped and she was just like hugging me and holding onto me the whole night.

A few days later, she thinks I...I was being clingy that night and all she wanted to do was party and I ruined it... So tell me where I was supposed to draw the line? Was I really supposed to just leave her outside crying and go back into the party? I mean really...I guess I'm not that kind of person, but me being called clingy after that really upset me. It seems like people don't really know what they want, and when they get what they think they want, they realize what they lost...

It's like being endlessly attracted to someone despite knowing how weird they are. It's all that touchy feely stuff about respect, trust, caring and giving them your whole being. It's like losing your mind. It's like risking everything to make someone happy. It's frightening and reassuring. It's pretty cool.

I'll admit I'm not entirely sure if I've ever been in love(which means more than likely 'no' hehe), but I really like the way you put it Dako...I can't wait till the day it truly comes.

Elektra, I know you may have more experience, and I'm not looking to take sides, but did you ever consider why the poster asked the question? You assumed he was automatically interested in knowing so he could possibly get into it or know how to do it...right? Whether it was a joke or not, we all have our opinions, and each to their own, the poster just wanted to know what cyber sex was. For all you know he could have been asking to know if some older person online had asked him to do it...and wanted to know as to possibly stay away from it...?

As to the poster, Shy has it, with the post on the 1st page, that will answer your question.

I kind of skipped the posts in between....but honestly, I dont know what's going on in your relationship exactly, but the fact that you just won 365 million...and the only thing you seem to be worried about is your girlfriend...I find you very honorable and trustworthy.

i am so upset right now and i am so hurt. i just can't understand how someone can be so selfish.

 

i don't understand how she was so mean to me tonite after inviting me to the event. i also can't believe how she acted like she didn't even care what was going on in my life. she was so self absorbed, i have never seen this side of her.

 

how can she treat me this way when the day before she broke up with me she said she loved me and missed me? (i had just returned from my trip home that day).

 

i just don't understand.

 

and again, when we were going out she sometimes couldn't come out with me because she was so busy and now that winter break is over and she's back in school, she's been going out all the time.

Look, we know you 'want her back' obviously, but you're going about it all wrong. I don't know what you've been thru, but the fact that you haven't done much going out, or dating either, doesn't make you appealing. That will not make her 'want you back' if you can't show her you're a man and can move on in life. Like I said, I don't know how long it's been since you broke up, but you've got to move on, that's truly the best way to actually GET her more interested into you. If you're sitting around waiting and not moving on, that doesn't make her wonder if you ever really cared at all, that won't make her be unsure of how you felt about her. The fact that you are showing you care so much is only feeding her strength in moving on.

Now I'm not tryin to make this a game, and I dont know your prior relationship, but...N/C seems like a definite here. You fell into an obvious trap(whether she did it on purpose or not), you started reacting, and that shows exactly what she wanted when she can get your emotions rising and make you feel bad. You need to get this thru your head, you DO NOT owe her anything, and she DOES NOT owe you anything, so move on. She doesn't have to care any longer about your relationship or life as of now, so don't care about hers. You two are broken up, and there's no more ties. So honestly, I think if you really want her back...go n/c.

Yea, you are expecting him to call quite often if you want it every day. Even then, he told you that he isn't a gf/bf person, so I'm surprised he even calls that often. I'm like DN said, and annie, I only use the phone to set up plans...so I only call maybe once or twice a week, even if we were in a serious relationship. If you want though, you could call him a little more often if you think it's bothering you that much...but don't expect him to call you more often then.

I just dont like it when some of them are obviously mistreating them and the girl comes to you going "he's done this and that............. but I love him". This doesnt make sense to me how can you love someone who deoesnt love you back and it depresses me when she in particular used to talk about her old boyfriend. Her newboyfriends become quite close friend of mine as we share similar interests.

It's because sadly...feelings aren't controlled by the mind, they aren't controlled by reason or what's "right or wrong." Feelings are just gut impulses...they aren't something that can usually be described in words, and those are the feelings these girls are getting around these guys. Again sadly, sometimes these feelings can also blind you, like you say..."he's done this and that"...meaning they could cheat, or say mean things, etc...it can go on. What you don't seem to understand, is that when a girl likes a guy, it's not like a thought-process. She doesn't just sit there and weigh possibilities...like say "oh he was nice, he opened the door for me, or that guy over there is 'nice'." I mean, do you sit there and do that with every girl you meet?...or are you usually just taken aback one day when talking to her and are thinking something along the lines of "she's great...I like her." By the way, anyone can be nice, if you think that you're being really nice to all women, and then they are all turning you down, you need to re-think that, and try something new. Feelings and emotions aren't controlled by 'nice' actions...those are reason...you've got to learn to give a girl that feeling when you're around her, make her WANT to be around you, let HER wonder if you like her(instead of telling her every time you see her, or waiting like 3 months after talking to her playin it safe and "letting her know")make her WONDER each and every step you make, what will be the next...?

I dont know, I'm starting to ramble a bit...so if you have any problems along those lines, PM me and I can help, just do yourself and any women you meet in the future, stop complaining(NO woman wants to hear it) about who they're dating(unless he's obviously cheating and you have proof, if you're a good friend of hers, let her know)....and do something about it.

Its like most of the girls I know are unaware there dating complete jerks. Thats all they are, Im just ranting but it annoys me esspecially if they stand up for them. Is it maybe that women want cocky lads regardless if they are infact losers who show off at every oppertunity and make up blatant lies.

THIS thread comes from such inspiration as girls taking back lads and giving them 100 chances. If anyone comes on here going should i leave him then yes you should. Another guy could be given the chance for a shame and maybe do a better job.

 

sorry for my views punctuation and all that just had to get something down on paper.

You know what? As much as I used to feel your pain in this....you are one of the guys who sits around and complains about other guys getting girls. You're assuming they're all 'arrogant' because they get girls, and you can't no matter how you treat a girl. Just like boredguy said, there are 6 billion people out there, I'm sure they're not ALL jerks and treat girls like crap...so like he said, they must be doing SOMETHING right.

I'm sure their are guys who do lie blatantly etc...I know them, but don't assume just cause they got the girl you want, they're "bad."

So you want to know the truth, something I've learned lately in life, stop worrying about EVERYONE else. Who cares about them? I don't care if they're landing every girl you can't, or if they're failing just like you and you want to 'vent' into them and take a stand that all women "dont know what they want(in guys)." So here....why don't you stop worrying about everyone else, and DO something about it. Find out what you're doing wrong, try something new, be a little more flirty(I dont know what you're having trouble with, if you want help, PM me, maybe I can help), put yourself out there, and don't sit around and wait for something to happen.

Yea, like everyone else said...it's called Blueballs. Has to do with the fact that your penis is erect for such a long time with no 'release' and I think there's something else to it...I just can't think of what it is at the time to exactly explain why it happens. Trust me...it hurts tho, it's normal, try having it for like 4 hours...ugh...