CantGetOverHim

I've been on my own for a while and I'm enjoying it, but this guy had a strange impact on me. After I would hang up the phone from talking to him, I would have a smile on my face for a good 15 minutes. And if I thought about it later in the day, the smile would return. I may be very naive, but I think he was totally genuine in what he would say to me (I can read people very well). And, if he isn't as available as I thought, why even bother bringing up us going out - how would that serve him? When I left that day, he said he was glad I came by - why bother saying it, if he had other intentions and wasn't interested - unless something came up after that meeting... in which case I feel like the attraction was so strong that he would still want to pursue it more....

So I recently met this guy(we met for business purposes) and after spending only 1 hour together I knew quite a bit about him and his family. I felt instant chemistry and attraction and I believe he did too, as I talked to him the next day and he said that we should get together more often. To make a long story short, we made very tentative plans to go out after speaking on the phone every/every other day. He would feed me lines(that I think seem genuine) like "I'm looking forward to seeing you" or "your voice brings a smile to my face"... Plans fell through, but I went and met up with him again (just for 20 minutes) the day after we were supposed to go out. I thought we got along well...joking and flirting...and he asked me when we were going to go out and I said anytime. I have not heard from him since that day - it was a week ago. I'm not sure what to make of this? I don't know if it was something I said that day (he found out I recently got out of a very long relationship - though he doesn't know the circumstances or anything about it) or what? Any guy opinions?

I know that he is no longer interested, believe me, but although we were friends before we were together - it just doesn't seem normal to me that he can now just be my friend all of a sudden - not when we've been through so much together for so long. There were times in the past when I was going through a difficult family situation that I felt was holding him back and I told him that we should break up so he could live his life while he was young and we could be friends and he would laugh at the prospect of us going from a couple to just friends - so he knows how insane it is. As for dates - I'm just not ready and I don't know how long it will be until I am. This is someone who I was sure I was going to marry (we were just waiting until he was stable in a career) and obviously I feel as if my whole life has taken a turn for the worst. My heart still belongs to him even if he doesn't want it and I just couldn't face dating someone right now; it wouldn't be fair to them. I am working on myself and keeping my distance from him and not calling him or anything; I'm just trying to understand why I may come accross his mind for him to call me and why I sense some uneasiness in his voice when we talk about me meeting/dating someone new....

Maybe I don't understand this concept because I'm the dumpee of just over 2 months(7 year relationship) but I just can't fathom the idea of the dumper seriously thinking that lovers can simply go back to being friends. I swear that the "we can be friends" line has ulterior motives. Aside from the fact that NC is the best way to go to heal oneself and all that, I still think that the dumper has enough sense to realize that it is almost unrealistic. I have been broken up from my boyfriend for 2.5 months and I think he might have had his decision made up a month or two before then - in which case it would be 4 months and I still don't think he can flip the switch that easily from lovers to friends - not after 7 years and discussion of marriage? I have not initiated a phone call to him in over a month, yet I have spoken to him at least twice a week since the breakup (no fights, just nice conversation and us asking each other if they've found someone else on occasion); so apparently I'm entering his thoughts at sometime or another for him to call me. But, he's truly only calling me to be my friend or does everyone agree with me that deep down he's the one playing some sort of a game? I know he's serious about the breakup, but I don't think he realizes how serious this is.... or am I just completely wrong, here?

Well, it turns out that his cell phone was broken (and for what it's worth I do believe him) because he just called me after he woke up this morning. The thing about us is that when we do talk on the phone we don't fight at all (of course we never really fought during the relationship, either). We had a 45 minute conversation this morning and of course I didn't want to hang up and it may be in my head but he wasn't in a rush to hang up either. Yet, he's only home until tomorrow and he did not make time to see me, so I'm totally confused or just looking too deeply. We were also asking each other if the other person has met anyone. He said "no" and I jokingly said "yeah, 3 people". I told him I was joking, but he didn't believe me and insisted I tell him who I was dating. I almost sense some apprehension in his voice, yet he seemingly wants only to be my friend. What is the deal? Why does he want to know if/who I'm seeing when he dumped me? And, for us to ever be together again would require me to move back to where his is. I've told him I would do it in a heartbeat, but I don't know that he believes me and he doesn't want to go through it again. Will he ever trust me again and take me back?

Long story short (as I've posted once before): I was with my ex-bf for 7 years until he broke up with me 2 months ago and I am devastated. I moved to where he was for a job relocation and didn't handle the move (no friends, no job, etc) well, so I came home - assuming we would still be together. He broke up with me and now we are 3000 miles apart, so I am at a disadvantage. Anyhow, I am a huge over-analyzer (which I know does me no good) and I'm curious to see if the guy who is the dumper puts any thought into how many times/when he calls the ex-gf? My ex has insisted we continue to be friends (which I'm trying to do) and he used to call about once a week and then the calls got more frequent and then last week he called two days in a row(which surprised me). Now, I have not received a call in 10 days and he is home in this state this weekend. Am I looking into this way too much or what? I guess I'm just looking for any little sign which I know is a definite waste of my time, but I can't change who I am. Does the dumper even think about his/her actions? How can someone you've been with for 7 years not even want to talk to you anymore? It blows my mind. I am getting sadder by the day as I feel as if all hope is gone.

Justplainsad, Muneca, Shocked, Fletch, CraigBlitz or anybody else - do you have any opinions, suggestions or information for me - especially regarding my last reply? Don't you think that after 7 years we deserve to get back together at least once after our first breakup - everybody else seems to break up quite a few times and get back together. I just want this one chance....

Since I am trusting you so much, Craig, let me ask you a few questions/opinions. I do consider myself moving on and not closing the door on any new possibilities, but obviously I am going to be his friend and be supportive and hope for the best. Have you or your ex dated other people during this breakup and if so, did you tell each other about it? I know there is nothing that I can do even if he does start to see other people and I actually have no way of finding out, since I am so far away, but the thought of it makes me nervous. I also tend to think that if I started dating other people(I am not ready for that just yet) that he would be a little edgy also (seeing as he's already asked me if I had met someone because his friends jokingly told him that I had). I thought I sensed a bit of uneasiness in his voice, but that might have been in my head. I guess there's nothing I can do if he meets someone else and maybe that is what I need for him to do so that he can see that nobody compares to me????

He has not stated that he does not want me, but has said that he doesn't know if I'm the right person for his career/lifestyle(aviation). I'm sure that makes a difference? He has told me that he stills loves me, but my opinion is that he loves me now as a best friend and has lost all of the emotional attachment. If you think about it, it's perfect for him. He still has my love and support and friendship, but doesn't have to deal with all of the hardships in a relationship and I'm the dummy for being here for him.... someday I'll learn.

At least there is some consolation in the fact that unbeknownst to him, I am handling the situation right. I do not bring us/relationship up at all when we talk. We just have a "normal" conversation, but it is so frustrating in that I feel almost as if I'm talking to a stranger in that the conversations are somewhat formal. I hate the fact that I am restricted from saying "I Love You" before I hang up - as that it always how we ended the conversations. It's the little stuff like that that really bothers me. And, you're right - we had a great relationship. We never fought and never once broke up until this past year. This change in our lives took a huge toll on both of us, but it's made me realize what I truly want and unfortunately, I think it's made him realize that he might want something completely different - as in, not me. I will heed your advice and attempt to leave this up to fate as my ex-bf said "only time will tell", but I'm so darn impatient.

Craig - thanks, again for the positive feedback. I'm definitely learning and growing and doing things for myself because of this, but it's almost as if I'm living two lives: the new and improved me and the sad and lonely and hurt me. I guess it's difficult, too, because it's something that I absolutely cannot control. All I do is analyze his actions and words and then I try to do what's best (for example: should I or should I not return his phone call and how long should I wait before I do.) I feel like that stuff doesn't matter, yet I continue to think about it and devise methods. And then I feel like he doesn't have a care in the world as the ball is in his court. All of this from someone who I shared 7 years with and someone for whom I would do anything....

It's been two months since he broke up with me and it's not getting any easier; it's getting harder for me. I keep feeling more of an emptiness inside of me as each day passes. I'm sure it's because reality is setting in and I am completely losing all hope of getting him back (and yes, I do want him back as he is the person that I want to marry and grow old with. I am adamant about this and understand that this breakup might be what we both needed.). I feel like if we have not got back together yet, then we probably never will and this makes me sick to my stomach. Sometimes I wonder if he is taking this as seriously as I am?

Thanks, CraigBlitz - it's always easier to hear more positive feedback than negative. The travelling bit is always going to be there for him as he is in the aviation industry - basically he has finally reached where he has been dreaming of and working so hard to get and I felt a bit put on the back burner, as well. It's tough to be his friend, but I can do it. I just kind of feel as if he is having his cake and eating it too. I'm heartbroken and he's got what he wants, plus his ex-girlfriend who is still willing to support him. I feel naive, but I can't go from speaking to him 5 times a day, every day for 7 years to not speaking to him at all. I had butterflies every time my phone would ring and it would be him, no matter if it was at the beginning of the relationship or the end or the beginning of the day or the end. The way I acted when I relocated seriously turned him off and it's as if he's put up a wall that I cannot break down. I understand I was immature, but I've realized my faults and don't think anything I did was unforgivable.....

Does that mean there is no hope for us and no hope for him getting his interest in me back? We had already discussed marriage and this person at one time adored me like no other. I am moving on, but I can't help but be human and have 1% of hope in the back of my mind. How am I supposed to show someone that I've changed when they are so far away?

I've been reading this forum for about 2 months now and have decided to post as I'm in great need of everyone's opinions. I have a similar, yet unique story to those already posted. I was with my first and only love for 7 years up until two months ago when he broke up with me. We had a unique situation in that we went to college together and then lived about 30 minutes away from each other for all but the last year of our relationship. He got relocated to a state about 3000 miles away for work and I decided very quickly to relocate with him, though I wasn't ready (I lost a family member only a few years ago and feel an attachment to home). I was told by him that I could try the situation out for 6 months (length of lease) and if it didn't work I could go home and he would come home on the weekends and I would go there. I panicked and was very homesick and could not find a job and was home alone quite a bit (as his job requires travel) and I moved back home 6 months later. I started to enjoy myself and get used to life with him there, but I still ran back home. I still thought that we would be together, but about two weeks later, he dropped the bomb. I'm devastated. He wants to remain best friends, but I just can't get past the fact that he can switch to being friends on the drop of a dime after 7 years of being together. At first, he called once a week and now the calls are more frequent. I have not initiated a phone call in about a month and sometimes avoid his calls. I've read all about NC and have done it to a degree, but I can't help but think I'm at a disadvantage as he's in one place, me another. Is he truly calling me to just be my friend or can he not let go? I'm acting strong when I talk to him and telling him about the places I go, etc... but I just wish I knew what was going on in his mind. Two weeks ago he asked if I met someone because he said his friends were teasing him that they saw me out talking to a guy? So, he still cares, or what? Please Help - if you read this long story I give you credit!