savannahohsavannah

You don't know that she even wants to get back with you! My guess is that she doesn't, but she wants to be on polite and civil terms. I think you are probably a little on the wild side, aren't you? A 6 to 12 month backpacking trip sounds like something a wild man does. If you truly are 23, I'd say make it six weeks and then come home and do something truly ADULT. Like getting a job.

You don't say how old you are, and if you injured that area, or if you are sexually active. In any case, I feel that having a doctor tell you what it is will make you feel better.

She probably decided she was a bit out of line asking to look in your bag anyway, unless she meant it as a joke. I'm guessing she may have been kidding around. No worries!

My advice is not to be confused, your ex has been your ex for 1.5 years and will probably continue to be your ex. If you want a new gf, go for it! You can't wait around on love.

My two bits would be to ask her about it, how it went after the movie they go to this weekend. Then you might get a feel for how interested she is in him. Give her space but not enough that she doesn't know you are around.

could it be that secretly you are worried that it was your behavior AND hers that caused the troubles in your relationship? And that the same things could happen again? MY last ex, spoke about me to others as if I'm psycho, and he still does...but he started every fight we ever had, including the final round of battles when he started seeing someone else and failed to tell me we were through and in fact kept coming around. If it's something like this, your ex isn't psycho she's simply going through the breakup mode. Girls sometimes do this in verbal ways. Psycho is when she breaks into your house and takes a razor and rips up your clothes. (I have a pal who's ex-roomie did that to her over a quarrel...) I think you should wait a bit to go out on dates for the moment. You don't say how old you are, but would it be good for you to take a four month break from dating to look inside yourself and see what happened in your previous relationships and what you could do differently????

Just my .02 cents.

you he wanted to have an affair with you when he was still married. That is all I'd have to know to want to run the other way.

It's not cease, it's seize. Okay, spelling lesson aside. Don't worry! If anything happens it will, but if she is only in your life as a pal, is that so bad?

I wish you all the best. I hope you get back into the swing of things soon. I guess that this fella is best left alone for a while...like the other poster said, the ball is in his court. Let him play it. Hope you feel better.

I don't think you suck. I was in a different spot from you, but made basically the same decisions. Once you realize that you still love someone but that some things are unlikely to be fixable in the immediate future, it calls for some fun, doesn't it? I look at it as getting the balance back in my life. The truth is that most dating situations are temporary. And sometimes NC is the only way to get the healing process under way. I applaud your actions and think you should give yourself a break. You do seem to still care about this fella, but that doesn't mean that a relationship with him right now will work.

Savannah

Don't relive or rehash or second guess yourself here. Dating you and another at once was wrong without full disclosure to EVERYONE! And this *person* didn't tell you because they rightly thought you would leave if they did. Stay calm and just look for another guy to hang out with.

it'a a psychiatric one. Cutting oneself to ease pain is a symptom of this problem. Are you in therapy? You say that you hide your scars? Well there are many people with this problem, some of the famous. Put into Google, "famous self-injurers" there is a web page devoted entirely to them. Fiona Apple is one, Elizabeth Wurtzel is another. And the list is longer still. Please get help now...you don't have to live with this pain.

Hugs

Savannah

When your ex said it was bad politics for you to call his home did it ever occur to you that he DOES have a new girlfriend and he wants her to bond to his family? I would take what he said at face value: he does not want a relationship with you. Ouch, I know that hurts but there it is, he's pretty much said it straight up. You think that is an awful thing to hear, but every one of us who have ever dated must have heard it at some point in time. I don't know exactly what your life situation is, but most 21 year olds are finishing college, and getting ready to go out in the work world or on to grad school. If it were me I'd start going out on dates just for datings sake. Get out, be seen and mingle. You don't want to have ANYONE thinking that it's gotten to you. And if you see him out? Well, fine, then say hello but act as if you don't care. Lots of guys like to head trip girls and it sounds like he may be one of them, but don't act like it gets to you. And in fact, Don't let him get to you. Breakups in dating typically blow and you just have to get over the fact that you will have them and you hurt for a while.

but normally an age gap relationship is between two adults. One of you is a young adult, the other is a teenager. I don't think it's truly possible to make a go of it with this fella for another two years. Is it possible to stay friends with him and go out with guys your own age? You may find that is a better way to go than to push yourself off on someone who thinks you are too young. If you force it now, you may find that he isn't interested later when you are old enough. This is just my two cents, so take it as that and good luck!

are just that, a second time to try and make a friendship work. I've never had much luck with that, because by the time I've let go of a romance, we are in a knot. Some tangles you can work out, but knots you can't. You know, the type of thing where neither of you is capable of actually giving to each other. Or it could simply be incompatible personality styles. When it comes down to one person telling the other they aren't a good person, I'd say that this person is the type who floods emotionally during an argument. For obvious reasons this behavior tends to destroy relationships because once the emotions run overboard your negotiating skills go down. Also, it could be a dynamic between you and your current pal. Some guys have made me cry again and again because they are manipulative with me, and make me fear that the relationship is over if they don't get their way. And I've always been like "okay so it's your way or the highway? hit the road pal!"

I hope this works for you because I see that you really like this fella. There are one or two fellas that I'd like a second chance at myself. Can you see what it was that caused you to break up in the first place? And can you change that? This may be the way to ensure some success this time around.

Savannah

Many single girls who are actively looking on campus will dress up and almost always they will wear sexier shoes. I don't know what it is, but women often do shoes to impress men! Of course, this is simply one thing to look for. I'm more concerned about why you need to know right away if someone is single or not? Even if they aren't, they may have a perfectly cute pal to hook you up with if they like you. Making friends with girls is the best way to have a girl pack who can guide you in your dating life.

Oh, hell yes!

I wanted to know how many people feel they are open to new relationships after breaking up with a datemate. How long does it take you to feel that dating is the right thing to do again?

Any thoughtful answers appreciated.

I'm in my early forties and my last bf was 21. That is a complete and total age gap! I lost my ex, but I think the poster who said that age is sometimes a cover issue for other things is right. Maybe, and this could be any reason actually, she is in for a romance now, but not a serious one, and she wants to let you down easy by making age an issue.

IMHO, this would not be an age gap issue for me. And I had a 14 bf when I was 16, so two years isn't a big deal.

if they are between adults. Young adults and older adults. I have no good wishes to anyone who wants to date a teenager as an adult. They are clearly in the wrong morally. Also, as a 27 year old, you are older than you would be as a college freshman. So don't look at this quite in the same way. My question is this: do you like him? Do you think he could meet your needs over a long term? Are you willing to risk to find out?

IMHO, those are the questions you need to answer. You don't need to answer to us or anyone else.

Sex with the ex opens up a Pandora's Box of possibilities many of which are lousy.

This could be painful because he's sending out mixed messages. Guys sometimes don't realize how *relationship like* a gift like earrings are, just one step below a ring, in some cases. And he does not really have to be wanting you back. In any case, did you ask him if he wants you back? I'd hesitate to jump to any conclusions. But I do think he sounds interested in you again. Absense does make the heart grow fonder, but he could be the type that will run off again if he feels you are getting too involved so I'd hang onto my heart!

when I was away at school for a brief meeting with a guy I'd met--he does deserve a JUST REWARD!

It sounds as if you are too immature yourself right now to have a true adult loving relationship. How old are you and the man involved? When you love a person you love them and their flaws as well. Also, it's being able to accept that he's had other people in his past that he may still have feelings for. You have had past bf's, yes? If his ex went into stalker mode with you online that is lamentable, but you should ignore anything that was not an out and out threat of phsical violence. Most online don't do anything except vent with words. Why did you deal with his ex, instead of him? That sounds awfully controlling! I get the feeling from what you said that he would have preferred that you simply ignore her. Ask him, and see what he says if you haven't already.

Sigh. I don't want to bash you, and it may sound like I've done that, but you have to have both your feet planted firmly on the ground before you can dance the pas de deux!

You did the right thing. Sometimes NC is the only way to go, especially early on. Just be glad that you are in different schools so you don't have to worry about running into her.

And just remember, there are plenty of other fish in the ocean!