limichelle

I’ve learned dating is actually quite simple. It’s our emotions that make it seem hard. 
 

So this is what I’ve learned: 

Listen to the other person and believe them when they tell you either they’re not ready or they need time. Don’t wait for them to be ready. 
 

The truth is if someone is interested in you. They’ll let you know by asking you out. Not saying they aren’t ready. It will be more black and white then you think. 
 

It won’t be so complicated. You’ll never have to keep guessing how they feel. Because they’ll show it. 
 

It sucks because nobody is ever direct to just say “Hey not interested”

so it keeps you guessing…

So it’s best to see it for what it is so you don’t waste time and cut them out and move on. 

I’m sorry, that must be very frustrating having him parent you with the finances. 
 

I think you first need to address the drinking before it gets out of hand and becomes your first and only issue. 
 

Have you looked up resources for counseling? 

Then you should be good to not live there anymore right? If your tuition and living expenses are covered? 
 

I would move out and live on your own regardless of this girl. That way in your next relationship you can make your own rules.

I’ve had that happen. I recently had a guy contact me on Facebook messenger after four years of silence from him. It’s odd and I just block and move forward. 
 

This would still rub me the wrong way. I feel as if he might be ‘settling’ for you. Your a safe prospect he has. What with his remarks about being with you. 
I personally wouldn't want someone who is just  with me because I’m a nice person who isn’t giving them drama. There has to be more then that. 

I think be kind to yourself also in this process. If you find you’re not ready you’re not ready

First off my condolences. I can’t imagine such a loss.

I say take it gradually and maybe make a list of traits you want in your next partner? That way it’s easier to weed out a bunch that don’t fit. Be wary though, if you do online dating there’s a lot of people that see being vulnerable with anything and given your loss. They will try to take advantage of it. It’s a sick world in online dating. 
 

That’s why the list will be helpful to weed out those people. I also think be careful with your expectations as well. You don’t want to go into dating thinking you’ll find another guy that was like your love.

After my loss of an 11 year relationship I tried finding someone exactly like him. I then realized I was setting myself up for failure and disappointment.

Thanks Cat, I just dusted myself off and am back out there. I appreciate all the advice. I’m glad I saw his true colors. 

38 minutes ago, Jessie_ay said:

Yeah thank you. Everyone else is acting like I’m crazy for being curious? There acting like I’m this obsessed girl who is texting and blowing up his phone lol. I’m really just giving everyone a update. 

I think they’re just trying to shift your focus onto something positive. I understand where you’re coming from because I sometimes  wonder why certain things happen.  Like what in the world was that guy thinking? Lol  

I know though being a member of this forum for many years. The people mean well, they don’t sugar coat anything and I find that actually more helpful. 

I try not to think of why people do weird things. For instance the guy I just recently met who wasn’t interested, sent me some random text at 2:30 am. I just deleted it because honestly I want to think of something more positive. 
 

I don’t think you’ll ever know why unless you ask him which honestly why bother? 
 

Yes it is odd I do agree. Just block and look onwards is my best advice.

Omg! That’s so weird with the house key trick. Don’t you feel so lucky the weirdo chose you? Lol 

I know my time will come for love. This just shows I’m not in a place or ready yet. 
I’ve met and talked to so many weirdos online. But I’ve been in good relationships. 
 

So the fact I’ve met good guys that resulted in a relationship means I’m doing something right. 
 

I guess I just need to sort through the weirdos to find another great guy! 

Yeah I just wished him the best. This was all done over text. I am not going to date until after I’ve had my Bariatric surgery. I think loosing a bunch of weight and being healthy will attract better matches.

So he’s now on the fence about a second meeting as he has things to think about. He has to see if he is the right fit for my shortcomings. I’m rolling my eyes! Next! 
 

I know my worth and deserve a guy who doesn’t have to question me especially when he has issues himself. 

What if you creep them out? Or what if they’re not single? 
 

I mean you have to weigh those two variables. 
 

I’m someone personally uncomfortable depending on how the guy approaches me. If he is agressive and too straight forward I get scared. That happened to me at the gym once. 
 

If the guy is more warm and gentle and friendly I will feel more like reciprocating. 
 

So it’s all about how you yourself will approach them. 

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He's a stranger for all practical purposes so I wouldn't assume whether he's logical or emotional or -like most of us -a mish mash of both.  You didn't ask him out -you suggested a first meet and then told him you needed to plan for your ride back -which to me was TMI - if you agree to meet someone somewhere they assume you're able to get there and back -certainly if you have a later appointment you can say "yes I can do from 2 to 4" but I wouldn't trouble the person with how you have to know precise timing for your ride.  Live and learn.

Yes I realize this, thank you. I know next time.

52 minutes ago, waffle said:

Never a good sign.  Not that he's had bad experiences, but that he's telling you that, and then essentially using it as some sort of leverage going into your audition for his affections.

I can understand your concern because it’s a concern of mine as well. I could always end it sooner then 30 minutes if I get there and he’s horrible, so who knows? Maybe we’re both auditioning? 
 

I know though I usually get a better read on people before meeting them. I’m meeting him just to see what he’s like in person. I’m also curious. Hes right now an enigma. 

16 minutes ago, East4 said:

If I may, just a friendly advice: next time do not ask him, or any other man on a first date, to clarify. It shows insecurity on your side. And he does not owe an explanation to a woman he has never met. You may demand an explanation to your boyfriend, or husband, but not to a man you are going to meet for a first time, as to why he would like to keep the date short. Too heavy as a start.

And most probably, his excuse is just a BS anyway.

Sorry I should have worded it better. I didn’t ask him to specifically clarify. I just asked out of curiosity why only 30 minutes. But I understand where you’re coming from. 

I understand better. Thanks for the words of advice. This is all new to me again.  I’m happy with 30 minutes because it can go either way. If it goes good, which I’m hoping for I can see him again.  If he’s a dud I can be home after 30 minutes and laugh or cry about it. 😂 

I did impose the question so I probably shouldn’t have but I did. 
 

To be honest he’s very analytical in his thinking and not emotional. I’m the opposite I’m more emotional. I tend to in the past match with duds who are feet above clouds. I say duds because they end up being rude or jerks. 
 

This guy may be worthwhile meeting because he can keep me more grounded.

I’ll update you guys afterwards good or bad.

Okay I misunderstood. 😂 I just asked him to clarify. He said he’s unfortunately got things that came up. So he can only meet for a half an hour but if we hit it off he’ll want to spend more time with him the next meeting. 

I think after talking with him this past week he’s told me he’s had such bad experiences with online dating. He’s setting a 30 minute meet because he wants to make sure we get along. 
The good news is we both live five minutes from the coffee shop. So it’s not like we’re meeting an hour away. 

He said 30 minutes to start out with. I did ask him how long he wanted to hang out for because I’m getting a ride to and back from the coffee shop. 
I don’t know what to think honestly 

So the guy I’m meeting at the coffee shop set the time to hang out for only a half an hour. 
I honestly haven’t been back out in the dating world in the past three years. Is this normal? I’m used to honestly longer first meetings.  I asked him why only 30 minutes? He said to keep it casual the first time.

I usually get a vibe if the person and I will at least get along before meeting in the past. I never know about chemistry or anything beforehand of course.  But I do at least get a glimpse throughout texting if we have a vibe of some sort. 
 

With this guy. I honestly don’t know if we’ll vibe or not. I guess 30 minutes is good incase we can’t stand each other 😂  Perhaps I’m overthinking because it’s been so long  for me to be out there meeting others. 
 

I did take it as if maybe the guy isn’t really all that keen about me but is curious and so he wants to meet.