Satch,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I have an interesting story that may help you out. Over the last 4 years I have been going out with a girl, and we have broken up several times. We are primarily a long distance couple, since we go to different schools, but we've spent all of our summers together.
Three years ago, I broke up with her towards the end of the summer. I felt we weren't right for each other and that she was a little immature, and I thought it would be a final separation. She got very angry with me that night, but then we didn't talk for roughly a month. Finally, I saw her at a party at the very end of the summer, we talked a little, and then I got a call from her later in the night (she was a little drunk) saying that she missed me and wanted to get back together. I did miss her too, so ultimately I agreed and we began dating again. She implemented No Contact on me and it definitely was a success.
The next breakup was last summer, and she broke up with me. It was very odd - we hung out one night, had a great time, everything seemed ok, but then all of a sudden she called me when she got home crying and told me that she wanted to break up, because she could feel that we weren't right for each other. I have had problems with being on time to dates, not giving her enough attention, etc., and she felt that I didn't care enough about her. I was pretty hurt, but I basically said that she should do what she needs to do and that though I'll miss her, I'll understand. It seemed like the breakup was final, but just a few days later she contacted me via AIM and we started talking. We set up a date for the next night so that we could talk, and ultimately we got back together.
Finally, the most recent breakup has unfortunately occurred just about a week ago. Again, she brokeup with me, and now it seems really final. She told me that over the past month she has been thinking that this is the right idea, and that now is the time to do it. I didn't help matters, because instead of her coming to me to say this, I basically got this out of her while I was intoxicated on the phone. She seemed distant, and I said "What do you want to do, break up with me?" She admitted she did, and it all came out. Instead of trying to mend it, I actually completely agreed (because I have had doubts before) and I told her that the breakup should be like "ripping off a bandaid," where the pain is sharp but quick compared to a longer breakup. This was last Thursday. The next day I regretted all that I said, and I waited out the weekend for her to contact me, to no avail. I cracked, and text messaged her Sunday night, saying that I think we made a mistake. She was responsive and we planned to meet the next night to talk about us. Monday night we met, and she told me that she needed space, but she still loved me. She cried a few times but said that this was best for us, and she really wanted to carry through with it, and wanted to have closure to our relationship. I didn't overreact, but basically just said do what's best for her, and that I miss her and would love to have her back. Since then it's only been a few days, and I'm in the No Contact mode (i.e. deleted her phone #, talking to other girls, etc.). It's very tough, and I'm not sure where this will end up. I wouldn't be surprised if she comes back to me, given our past, but at the same time she seems a lot more resolute to carry this plan through. It's tough because we've been together so long, and she doesn't think I can change to care about her more.
I'll keep you updated as to what happens, but I've been researching and it seems like No Contact is the way to go. You're not going to get anywhere tyring to convince her or pleading with her to go out with you right after the breakup if she doesn't want to get back together. Not only that, but I think you hurt your potential chances by doing this as well. I think it's best to simply cut any lines of communication and give her the opportunity to come back to you. It's tough, because it seems so passive, but if she loves you, she'll come back. Basically, if there's a chance she comes back, those chances are diminished if you keep trying to get back together right after the breakup, whereas the chances are helped by not contacting her and letting her initiate contact. In the meantime, you got to move on with your life. Be as social as possible, do physical activity, and stay busy. After enough time you won't even care about the breakup and will be totally immune to it. This is what I'm trying to do now, and believe me it can be tough. But you have to make the most of what you got instead of dwelling on what you don't. Hope this helps.
