serenityseekinglife

hey thnx a million man. sure, i wud stick to ur advice. no romance as of nw. and no therapy. just be there for her as a friend. and will get loads of music for her as she loves it. and also some good books as again she loves reading. had already asked her to go to a museum with me....but she never replied.....so i guess she doesn't want to go out anyplace with me......and for the same reason i am slightly apprehensive if she wud get irked if i give her gifts.....sud i give CDs n books? i also want to give her flowers? do u think tht wud really irk her and i sud avoid doin nethin tht mite mean romantic to her..... once again thnx a lot for writin in such detail....sud help me a lot. tk care, best wishes

she approached me 2 months back sayin she is quite fond of me. she tired her best to get me back on track and out of depression. one fine day the realization just struck on me that what she is doing definitely doesn't seem to be just f'ship....and i realised how much i care abt her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.... over the month i learned she had fallen for a married guy just 2 yrs back and it had ended hardly 10 months back. don't have much details except tht she went ahead as he was on his way to divorce but then he thot otherwise and sticked to his wife...now there seems no way they can get together.... gradually, i made it clear in a subtle manner tht i love her....she hasn't confessed her feelings if she has them....she told me to take things very slowly....... i feel she is still feelin so hurt.....and must b missin him terribly....hell with my life and my happiness and my love for her....i want her to be the happiest person...... tell me how do i heal her heart? wht gestures wud make her feel better? n i don't intend to date her as of nw as she has asked for time....i understand she needs time......just tht in the meanwhile till she can decide abt us....wht should i do to make her feel better? just as a friend? thanx a lot for readin my post....and wud b so glad if u can offer me some advice...

hi all, am going through a phase wherein i feel 'i have never ever loved anyone like i love her'......its too long..sorry abt it....but, pls bear with me n do read n reply... its about me(28 yr) and her(21 yr old, but as mature as a 100 yr old) we both are very mature and spiritual.....and have no current romantic relations with anyone.....i've been a lesbian all my life....she has had only one hetero relation till date.....and she approached me....so, perhaps she is a bi...i love a girl since 14 yrs. and she is the only lvoe in my life till this girl came.......and i have been in closet and its so difficult to tell neone tht i am a lesbian....so, i tend to stay miles far away from girls...... in april 2004 she approached me via mail..... 'i'm fond of u..it wud b my pleasure if i cud b of some help to u. so pls feel free n ask. u r living behind walls. challenge lies outside' i replied 'thnx for showing the concern. i've personal issues n i prefer nt to discuss' she persisted. i gave in.... a common friend broke off with me. i tried breaking off with her. she persisted and convinced me nt to break i end up telling abt my personal problems.....she told a bit abt her.. all the while her body language was a bit awkward as if she is very conscious with me....i never realised tht she is attracted towards me. she told 'i can't see u unhapy like this. please learn to be happy'....and also started crying sayin this..... i realised all of a sudden that she is perhaps in lvoe with me.....and i also realised tht infact i loved her tooooo..... just within 15 days i tired breaking up almost 3 times....initially it was my high defence....then it was the common friend......then when she told me she loved a guy who is married....i thot 'over n out. she is a hetero..forget her'.....she kept persuading me......i hanged on.... it is so crystal clear to me.......i know i love her and i want to spend the entire life with her. i am basically a 'once in a lifetime' kinda person...and i am million times sure of my committment, love and feelings for her..i told my brother and all my friends that i love her.....(including friends who never knew about my lesbian thing.....) but, before 3 days she broke up..saying there is no basic understanding...i told her she is jumping to conclusions...we must try adn explore and learn about each other....she also told i'm rushing..and she is a slow person....so, i told her fine....as you say....lets minimize our interactions....meet just once in a month in the open space....i wrote huge mails ....and tried so hard to work out......requesitng her...begging her....and all tht...but, this time she didn't budge....and after a flurry of mails lastly she wrote to me 'this is not the right time for anything between us. v were perhaps supposed to touch each other's life for this brief period. beyond which the purpose might be lost. my silent support will be always with u...for now i am breaking this relation....it is time for things to be silent now'.......and i told her 'anything you want.....we will have silence'...... this is what has been happening.....i don't understand as to why she is backing out.....what is going in her mind? is she avoiding as she is getting strong vibes that i am gettin attracted towards her and there is no genuine love??.....or is it coz she herself is strongly pulled towards me and hence wants to maintain distance??....or is it that she doesn't love me??????....or is she still emotionally involved with the ex-bf....or is she apprehensive of getting into a lesbian relation......why is she backing out??? her eyes reflect so much of love.........it is getting so difficult for me to stay far away from her.....and she has not given any tentative idea as to how long she will stay far..... i have already put in so much of emotions and dreams into this rel......if after making me wait and wait....she ditches me....i will die......we have not directly confessed our love for each other.....both have been very subtle....and she also told me once 'just coz the way v express feelings is different doesn't mean our feelings are different. i feel as intensely for u as u do'...... is it turnign out to be a unhealthy relation where its onyl me who is 'giving'.....and none of my emotional needs is getting fulfilled.....due to her stress on 'indefinite silence'........is she just playing with me? is she using me? i myself feel that it is love from both sides....just that conventional wisdom might have stg else to say..and hence i need your views...how long do i wait....and when and how do i approach her? why is she staying far???? she believes tht love makes a person stronger...she knows since last 15 yrs, i m down....due to my heartbreak....she believes tht strength sud come from within......is she staying far awy from me purposefully to make me more stronger? is tht why she told me 'i do wish to pull our of this phase but i feel tht the kind of support i need to give is different......my silent support will always be there with u...." so, wht is this girl doing to me? sud i wait indefinitely......sud i forget her and move ahead........i have tried my best talkign to her....but she doesn't open up..... i keep crying and smiling....i don't knw wht to make of her behaviour....please please guide me....... thanx a lot for readin such a long post!

Dear all, am going through a phase wherein i feel 'i have never ever loved anyone like i love her'...but, am not absoultely sure whether it is love or my need for a companion.... its about me(28 yr) and her(21 yr old, but as mature as a 100 yr old) we both are very mature and spiritual.....and have no current romantic relations with anyone..... she approached me in april 2004. though we live in same apt and she could have told me personaly, she preferred mailing me. her first mail included 'i hope u know i am very fond of u and feel free to ask for help. i know u r living behind walls, but it is more challenging outside and u must try.' i was quite surprised to see her mail...and didn't really know what to make out of them...but, i hold myself back firmly and thanked her for showing concern. she persisted. a common friend and i broke up and i broke up with her as a result. she kept persisting and convinced me not to end out f'ship. in the process i ended up telling quite a lot about my personal problems(i fell in love when i was 15, she had left me when i was 16 and since then i was in depression. it affected my career. and i also didn't have good family support.) withing just 10 days, we opened our hearts to each other...mostly via mails...she also has had a difficult life.(her dad died when she was 12, she was physically abused, fell in love with a married guy who was about to be divorced, but he chose to stay with his wife and their relation ended.). i have been a lesbian all my life. but, i took all her actions purely on friendly basis. then one fine day i just realised that she is in love with me....why else would she mail me(rather than talking to me), why else would she feel so awkward with me, so nervous and her eyes reflect of so much love and respect....as i have never seen before in anyone's eyes....and then i realised that i love her with all my heart....it was a sudden revelation....and i realised we are soulmates....we share a very strong connection..our values, our ideals, our interests matches a lot lot...then she left town...but, still i was not sure whether it is love of just f'ship from her side...so, i can't talk openly...but, i left enough hints in mails confessing my undying love for her...she does'nt write much....and then she returned back....now, my heart was overflowing with love for her....but, i can't even express...she came to hand me over some sweets she had got for me...and ended up talking for an hr...and the topic.....'she wants me to be happy..she can't see me living like this'....while talking she even started crying.....and one day i broke up....as i was feeling that she doesn't love me.....perhaps it is all just in my mind....and then after knowing that she had loved a guy....i was so sure that she must be a hetero...and i didn't want to be hurt...so, i backed out.....she kept persuading me to continue...so v continued....just within 15 days i tired breaking up almost 3 times....and now, it is so crystal clear to me.......i know i love her and i want to spend the entire life with her. i am basically a 'once in a lifetime' kinda person.....it was my ex for last 14 yrs though i have not seen her in last 12 yrs......and now it is her....forever.....can never ever express how much i love her....and i want to give all the happiness in the world.....u knw....be her father.....be her companion....be her friend......be her inspiration....and similarly i need her love...her encouragement...her support....... but, before 3 days she broke up..saying there is no basic understanding...i told her she is jumping to conclusions...we must try adn explore and learn about each other....she also told i'm rushing..and she is a slow person....so, i told her fine....as you say....lets minimize our interactions....meet just once in a month in the open space....and all tht...but, this time she didn't budge....and after a flurry of mails lastly she wrote to me 'this is not the right time for anything between us. v were perhaps supposed to touch each other's life for this brief period. beyond which the purpose might be lost. my silent support will be always with u...for now i am breaking this relation....it is time for things to be silent now'.......and i told her 'anything you want.....we will have silence'...... this is what has been happening.....i don't understand as to why she is backing out.....what is going in her mind? is she avoiding as she is getting strong vibes that i am gettin attracted towards her and there is no genuine love??.....or is it coz she herself is strongly pulled towards me and hence wants to maintain distance??....or is it that she doesn't love me??....or is she still emotionally involved with the ex-bf....or is she apprehensive of getting into a lesbian relation......why is she backing out??? her eyes reflect so much of love.........and she keeps herself physically so far from me...and i am not loking for sex.....i can wait for that for 10 years also....i just want to be with her.....live life with her...know her......be her friend......and it is getting so difficult for me to stay far away from her.....and she has not given any tentative idea as to how long she will stay far........ i have already put in so much of emotions and dreams into this rel......if after making me wait and wait....she ditches me....i will die......we have not directly confessed our love for each other.....both have been very subtle....and she also told me once 'just coz the way v express feelings is different doesn't mean our feelings are different. i feel as intensely for u as u do'...... what do i do?? how long do i wait? i want to give her so many gifts....but, i am afraid she would get irked....do i give her gifts? i want to bring the world to her feet....and she is asking me to stay away...... and also is my love true love or is it just my need to be compassionate towards people......or am i falling for her as she showed so much of concern for me.......i am so confused......about her and my feelings....i mean i don't want to hurt her...or make her unhappy in any sense....so, i woudl prefer if i am wrong and she is right......that is the extent of my feelings and i tend to blindly listen to whatever she has to say..... but i myself feel that it is love from both sides....just that conventional wisdom might have stg else to say..and hence i need your views...how long do i wait....and when and how do i approach her?