Five years
I was with my girlfriend for five years, roughly a fifth of my life. We both went through college together and were inseperable. She was a pretty good student, graduated with a biology degree. Cheerleader, involved in student groups and whatnot. I was also involved in student groups, played in a rock band, now I'm a pretty successful computer programmer. We had a good relationship, we were each each other's "first".
I was going to propose, I bought a ring. It was exactly what she wanted. I told my family and some friends. We were to move in together and I was going to give it to her that day. Only I had to go on a business trip the week before. That was not a fun business trip.
So I get the call, I'm on the other side of the country and I find out she does not want to date me anymore. She has met someone else. A guy she knew in high school. It is over. No explaination, no reason, never any indication anything was wrong. This came as just as much a surprise to all our friends as it did me.
Afterwards I found out she was unfaithful, she cheated on me with an ex boyfriend. She started hanging out with this new guy when I was writing out a check for the ring. She was not happy in the relationship for reasons still unexplained but she never let on. She intentionally hid it and appeared happy and excited, even good natured pestering about when she would get a ring. All because she wanted to make sure I would be available to fall back to in case she couldn't find someone else.
I never saw this. I was trusting. I have been burned so many times in the past that it felt good to finally think I found someone I could trust. I was wrong.
It has been five months, the shock and pain are long gone. The lessons aren't. I still feel no desire to ever start over again and go through all this. If five years is not long enough to know if you can trust someone, what is? Literally every time I have trusted someone it ended in pain, it is just easier to not trust. Right now I feel like I will never let anyone get to me again, never allow myself to be put into a position where I could be hurt. Love is good, but it sure does not seem to be worth this. Facing my family and friends after being so throughly humiliated and betrayed is not something I ever want to go through again.
Maybe it is just because I'm paying attention now but I see it all the time. Everyone around me seems to be breaking up, divorcing, etc. Betrayal, cheating, etc. I'm so throughly sickened by how people are treating each other that it all just looks like a sad game. A game I do not feel like playing any more.
mae155
