capnvag

well... i don't know if this will help you but here i go.... i met a guy 2 years ago. before i met him he was in a relationship with a woman for 2 years but they had separated during the time that i met him... we dated for a very short period... and we hit it off very very well. we both immediately felt something.. but then he went back to his ex.... i don't know if it was her asking him back or the other way around .... but he went back nonetheless. and i was heartbroken. i felt somethign very deep for him but we were only "dating" and it was for such a short period i figured i'd just move on.... well less than a month into him being with his ex he left me for... he started crawling back to me.... and i told him until he leaves her i can't be with him.... so tehn we end it there... then another month goes by and he comes crawlign back once again..... and i gave in and took him back.... since then... yah he's come back with me (ex #2) but he's never left his girlfriend (ex #1) now they're getting married (Which i had no idea about) he has been engaged to her for 6 months and i was completely unaware and during these last 6 months he's been with me more than ever... i always thought if i kept seeing him then he'd eventually leave her, that eventually the guilt and the cheating would get to him and he'd tell her or want to leave her... even though that is incredibly selfish and wrong of me... that was my mindframe at the time... and no it never happened like that.... he proposed to her, never told me anything, kept seeing me and nothing has or ever is going to change until i make a stand myself..... basically if i didnt' find out he was getting married i wouldn't doubt if he'd still see me while he was married and that to me is disgusting.... i am not suggesting in any way that you'd be with a man who is involved with someone else..... but what i am saying is don't waste your time and just move on!!!... i wish i would have so long ago.. but i dragged it on casue i cared about him so much and he said he cared about me and it was something i felt i could never loose or get rid of... when all it did was leave me with a broken heart...... he is never going to leave that other girl. if he is capable of going back to her once he is capable of going back to her again. and that even makes him capable of running back to you when they don't work out....... and how is that going to make you feel when you're second choice!? in the course of the 2 years i've been dealing with all of this i realized one thing.... if we felt something truly deep for eachother.. and really cared for one another and loved eachother as we said we have.... we would never have broken up in the first place... we'd still be together.. but the fact that he left me once... and is not willing to leave his current gf now.... proves that he doesn't care as much as he said he does and isn't willing to try... so i know this sounds mean and it sucks.. but just move on! you'll be much happier.. you won't dwell on it so much and there are plenty of men out there and it's just not worth your time or despair because you will inevitably be the one to get hurt no matter what.... i'm sorry if that is harsh...

let's say you're in sort of a dysfunctional relationship, and you 2 pick on eachother constantly, argue all the time and don't agree on many important topics and don't really have all that much in common.... what would you do / how would you react if you were a month away from getting married and you find out your signifigant other has been cheating on you for half the time you 2 have been together with the same person and maybe another. for instance you've been together for 4 years they've been cheating for 2..... if you found out what would you do? forgive and forget? basically confront the other person, let them tell you what you want to hear and realize you're getting married in a month and you just want to work through it? or if you found out would you be extremely devistated and want to leave becasue they have been cheating and no matter what you say or do, cheating is a horrible thing and proves to you that they never loved or cared about you and that it's a offense that can not be forgiven??? ALSO ... how would you react if the way you found out about this cheating was from the other person involved????? how would you react to them telling you???? thank you for your answers! i appreciate all the help / insight i can get

What's it all about, this crazy love How did our two worlds entwine How do I fit in to your life How did you get into mine I belong to someone else we know Back when first we met Oh, we thought for fun One night together might be nice Oh...oh...but fun turned into love for both of us So now we pay forbidden lover's price Oh, 'cause love like ours is never, ever free (Free) You pay some agony for the ecstasy (For the ecstasy) Oh, love like ours is never, ever free (Free) You got to pay some agony for the ecstasy (For the ecstasy), oh…oh… Nights when you're alone, you know that I Laid with someone else beside me Oh, but you love me still and I love you You know I would no matter where I'd be Hey, but love like ours is never, ever free (Free) You got to pay some agony for the ecstasy (For the ecstasy) Oh, love like ours is never, ever free (Free) We got to pay some agony if we wanna have ecstasy (For the ecstasy), oh... Hey, got to pay some agony If we wanna have an ecstasy, yeah…eah… And we need each other desperately, don't we, baby And I'll never from you be free, no, no So you'll have to do the leavin' me, yeah And you'll have to do the leavin' me, oh, baby 'Cause I'm gonna pay the agony, yeah 'Cause, oh, lovin' you is ecstasy, that's what it is And I'm willin' to pay the price, oh 'Cause I'll make it a sacrifice, oh, yes, I will And I'll never, never, never, never, never, never, never be free From agony the agony and the ecstasy by smokey robinson this song sums up these relationships i know this is cheesy but it's important ..

it's definitely hard. i know. i read the post above me and i feel the same exact way. i'm so sad for you. and i too just spent the last 2 hours reading every post on these last 32 pages. i am not great with words or spelling (hahaha) so bare with me here.... these are just my thoughts and opinions i started reading your post becasue the subject sounded like it would appeal to what i am going through now and it did completely. heatrae.. i am going through the SAME exact thing you are. the 1 and only difference is the guy im seeing isn't married or have kids. though he is in a long term relationship with a girl and is living with her. when i read the replys to your post i think the same exact thing you do when you reply. do you know what i mean? it's such a hard hard thing. you're in a "relationship" with someone you "think" loves you as much as you love them. with someone like me and you.. we're full of love to give someone and we're single and insecure and lonely and weak and we are so certain that we are in love with that other person. no matter if they are married or in a serious relationship, if they aren't giving us the 100% we deserve...whatever.. we are so blindly in love... we see hope in the fact that maybe if we just stick it out a little longer that we'll see a light at the end of the tunnel that one day everything will come together and everythign will make sense. that all this pain and hurt and confusion we've been dealing with for the past week or 2 years.. it was worth something... we know that our feelings are soo genuine and so pure and we are so blind to everything around us that when they tell us things like "i love you, you're my soul mate, i don't know what the future holds just hold on, i want to be with you and only you, im unhappy in my current relationship but i can't get out of it" it's so easy to believe. and it's so easy to be sucked right back in.... my situation has been going on for 2 years and has been off and on. we talk every day.. and we've had times where we've cut it off. where we've realized it's unhealthy for both of us to continue. so we stop seeing eachother.. yet within a month we've always gotten back together... it never fails. i can be so mad at him.. my friends can tell me he is the worst guy ever and that i deserve so much better.. but i will still check my email, check my phone for a text or a missed call and i will still agree to see him. it's hard to give up on something you consider to be love. it is very addictive. we feel so in love.. and so happy when we see them or talk to them.. everything that is bad in our situation seems to be blown away within a instant of talkign to them or looking at them. it's sort of a bad habit. for me.. its a little different becasue i've never been in love before. i never knew what it was like or how it was gonna effect me, i never experienced it before to know how to deal with the pros and cons of it.. i question myself so often. i try to be as honest with myself as possible. i know he is in a serious relationship. and he's told me time and time again that he is not going to leave his girlfriend and if he only had met me 4 years ago things would be so much different. when i hear that.. it brigns me back to reality and at that "moment" i realize that yah it's not going to work. i'm wasting my time. i have the whole world out there waiting for me. i need to just put myself out there.. but it's easier said than done.... they always know how to pull you back in. they know the magic words. they know what to say, when to say it. they are manipulative liars. they know exactly what they are doing. they have the best of both worlds.. why would they want to leave that??? they have a home, a wife, a life with a sense of security and comfort something they've learned to be accustomed to for many years... then they have us.. the person that is waiting for them in the shadows. the person that will drop everything and do anything for them.. the person they can run to when things at home aren't going to well.. the person who accepts them for who they are and what they do (ie: cheating on their wives), the person that will always be there to tell them how much we love them and how great they are.. they have us wrapped around their finger. and they can leave us at the end of the day.. i think one of the reasons they don't leave their signifigant other and commit themselves to us exclusivley; the person who is willing to give them all the love and companionship and comfort and security they could ever ask for is becasue it will be so brand new. have you ever lived with the guy you're seeing?? have you ever dated him for years and spent every waking moment wth him?! with their wife or girlfriend.. it's such a comfort thing. their wife knows every little habit they have.. they know everything and even though you've been seeing this person for 90581239032 years.. you still dont REALLY know them. you know the little things they like.. how they liked to be touched.. what kind of job they have.. what their hobbies are.. you know the little insignifigant things.. you 2 might tell eachother everything.. you might know some personal things about them that even their wives don't know... but their wives on the other hand know EVERYTHING about them and know how to deal with them.. they know how they wipe their butt.. how they snore at night... what pisses them off... how they like their breakfast in the morning.. what time they get up to take the dogs for a walk.. they know all their friends and families.. they know all their niches and habits.. if he were to break up with his wife and be with you... he will have to learn to be as comfortable with you as he is with his wife.... it's kinda like.. have you ever had a BEST FRIEND and you knew EVERYTHING about eachother.. and you 2 decided it'd be perfect if you 2 became roommates and moved in together becasue you 2 were so close it'd be so perfect.. and you never ever thougth about all the little annoying nagging things you'd find out about eachotehr after spending every day with eachother? and you 2 begin to get on eachothers nerves and hate eachotehr and sooner or later you 2 aren't friends any longer... and it takes years of compromise to either continue living with that person or to even become friends again... it's exactly that. sure you might have been in love with this guy and in a "relationship" with him for many years.. so you might think you know him very well.. and you might... but he won't leave his wife to be in a new fresh relationship with you and dump all his comforts behind because it's just that.. too fresh and too new. he'd have to basically start everything all over again.. and why should he if he doesn't have to.. if he has it already somewhere else?!!?!? i mean the guy im in this situation with said it best when he told me "the difference between you and my girlfriend is that .. i have history with my girlfriend, me and you don't. that's hard to let go of" and it's true.. and it might not be the ONLY reason why they don't leave their wives but it's definitley a part that no one has looked at...... and it's the same reason why we dont' leave them. how hard is it for us to go out and find anotehr man to make us happy and to love as we think we do them?? it's such a timely process we'd rather stick it out through this pain becasue it's comfortable and so much easier and they tell us they love us back.. so we think we have everything we need.. when really it's just comfort.. i think that the only way we are going to ever prevail and get ourselves out of this slump is not by necessarily finding another guy but just realizing what we DON'T want. i mean.. sure they seem amazing. we are supposedly in love. but how can we be in love? how can we be in love with someone that is with someone else whehter or not they love them... they've proven time and time again that they won't leave them.. so how can you be in love with someone that can't love you back 100%? i mean... we need to realize that we don't want to be lied to.. how can we trust them?? when they tell us that they love us as much as we love them and they tell us that we are their everything and all that.. how can we believe that?? when they might very well be saying those exact words to their wives or girlfriends as they are laying next to them in bed... we don't want someone that will disrespect us.. yet by continuing to be with someone who is in a relationship.. you're being disrespected. he doesn't care what he's doing to you. he's using you and knows how to do it well.. he's getting what he wants so he isn't going to just stop. there is no reason for him to... and everytime you give into him.. he loses a little bit more respect for you becasue he knows it's that much easier to get you to do whatever he asks. i find that the hardest thing for me and getting over all of this.. is i have so much guilt inside of me. i feel sooo bad for what i do to his girlfriend. that i just stop talking to him that i hate him and soemtimes even myself. and i realize how crappy he is and how crappy i'm being by still seeing him.... and then when i stop talkign to him and i begin to ignore him.. i feel so bad.. i don't want him to be mad at me.. i mean i care about him!!! why would i want him to be mad at me??? i just to need to get over the big hurdle that... i don't really love him.. just mearly the idea of him.. it's easy for us to continue in this cycle of talkign to them and seeing them and even sleeping with them.. it's easy because it's right there in front of us. we dont have to do any work.. we don't have to go out and find someone new.. we're as comfortable as they are.. so it's hard to just stand up and quit and say no. when it's so easy. it goes for both sides of the relationship. i mean we've made so many sacrifices to be with that one person.. we aren't going to give up that easily even if the answer is black and white and right in front of us.. HE DON'T LOVES ME AND IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT. it's not easy.. not by any means. and i feel for everyone that has to go through this... people who are on the outside don't understand the emotional state we're in and how deep we're in it.. and as hard it is for them to pick up and leave their wives .. it's just as hard for us to pick up and leave them and move on with our lives.... it's all a stalling process and until we really really want something to change and we are ready for that change.. nothign will ever change.. we just all need to realize we're not really in love.. love doesn't include this much hurt and suffering and deceit. love is happiness and bliss and euphoria and every single day we spend with these people that are in other realtionships thinking that we love them adn that they are the only one we can be with.. we are lying to ourselves.. and that's not love.. that's not euphoria... i so greatly appreciate everyones comments and advice.. i loved reading it and it has helped me.. i know what i have to do now... now all i need is the will power to stick with it.... and im going to try my damndest as i hope you all do too... i wish you all the best and thank you again for everything that was said casue i too got alot out of it even if none of you were talking directly to me.