polypoly

Hi. after 36 hours of N/C & crying half of it , yesterday night i called her & said i dont want anybody else but her.she said she cant repair the damage done to this relationship.she said she herself is in great pain & never wants to hurt me , but thinks this is good for both of us & she doesnt have anymore trust in me plus there is no future to this relationship cuz i dont want to marry & she is 22 & should start her life.i told her i love her buti cant marry her , atleast at the moment its impossible & unimaginable for me.she said even with that , i should go & see other ppl & then come back & 'MAKE A NEW RELATIONSHIP OF A DIFFERENT KIND' & 'THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP IS OVER WITH US'.surely enough this is marriage i'm totally devastated , after 4 years of having a friend like her , & when i was gradually increasing my love this happened.God! i dont know what should i do , i mean i'm falling apart, im sick , cant eat , cant stop thinking of past & future , cant stop thinking of her .i'm so helpless.plus personally i'm someone with problems in my self-confidence & she was the one that gave me self-confidence & encouragement.i cant imagine when this hell will end... i know this is off-topic ... but writtign this may be can calm me just a little ... i'm sorry. life is the hell itself now.

Hi vitalcoaching. Thanks for your kind reply. 1st things 1st , maybe it's not THAT lovely that i may have stated here. may be i've stated it badly : she doesnt say that she will wait for me , maybe she will go after her M.One too.So I risk losing her ( & she sees that too ,she said one must sometimes risk for the better ). well , you talk much the way she talks & she insists that this is for both of us & especially me.after 25 hours of N/C I maintained , I scewed it today but it was worth it cause i found some things i didnt know. but we agreed to stop this relationship for 2 weeks from now on , & i begin thikning of myself & what i should do & see some ppl.Actually she didnt give me any other way , she said she doesnt have the confidence in me she had before & she cant undo what she has started & thought for about a year & forget this & i MUST go & see for myself.Well this way i dont have much of choice it seems.It's really hurting me ( & plus that my studies & course projects one due this monday ) plus all these years i didnt find ANYONE attractive , I mean i didnt felt in a ny thrilling sense for any other girl but actuallu i screwed by not telling her how much i love her & i care for her.so i should go over the next 2 weeks as planned.I REALLY HOPE to be able to hold the N/C.

Hi all. this is my 1st post here. I'm 24 and male. I have a girlfriend (22) & we've been together for 3 years & it was great.In these yaers she was really nice & honest with with me , she didnt date anyone else & we were 1st close friends & then lovers.She was my 1st serious love so i thought that i should gain more experience , thereforeeee i told her that i will date ppl but i will tell her if i'm going to really stay with one.i didnt do that but i kept her in a situation of uncertainity for this last year. I dated 2 times & it was almost nothing - I didnt like the ppl i met , i have never looked at anyone else , i did this dating thing just to convince myself that ive met enough ppl , i really felt no attraction towards them & thought theres something wrong with me .But now she says that she is spiritually tired of this situation & wants me to go & have my experience & then come back if i want but stay more firmly in our relationship. I dont know but maybe she has found someone else.I know i was a jerk to do that to her but she never told me seriously that she was upset about this , i mean i convinced her everytime we talked.Now I'm really stuck.I am a shy person so i can't START relationships very quick & plus i CANT LIE so it will take some time for me & i fear she may get away until that.But on the otherside i think what she says is almost something about marriage & plus maybe i should meet more ppl.She's really smart,beautifulll,nice charming & very much like me ( soulmate thing ) but She's a virgin & she has this philosophy that she will have FULL sex only with her husband , so that she has something for him.I live in a middle-east country where virginity is an important issue for many. She says that she's not breaking up & she still loves me but she wants me to not waste my youth & go out & gain experience so that i will really know her value & when i come back , for as long as we will stay friends , i stay firmly in our relationship.plus maybe she should start looking for her husband.for me marriage is not a choice , i can't marry anyone in this age.in all these years i think i was the ignorant & less caring about our relationship ( not about her ). I'm really stuck & have lost my concentration almost for 3 days , i can't eat & A i can't pursue my MSc studies correctly.I know i sound really incompetent but thats what it is .It's 24 hours since we last talked , before that i tried to stick to no contact for 3 days but couldnt do that for longer than 12 hours.should i stick to no contact ? wouldnt it mean a breakup instead of a break ?