father/jokes/self-esteem

okey, I am 23 and I am still living together my family, which is the beginning of the problem possibly. I have always had a hard relationship with my father, u know the usual girl/father thing thrughout my teenage years, but for the last two years we have been doing better I mean we don't fight any more. This is partly he has changed and that I have grown up, but still he is the only person that can make me unhappy with even a certain sentence.

He always makes jokes, but usually these are not funny, I mean I do not laugh at them and they make me unhappy. He knows this probably, that he can make me cry with the jokes he makes. You might wonder what type of jokes these are, well they are basically directed at my somehow low self-esteem. Examples might be today I have a terrible backache, I always work with the pc, and I dont do anything related with sports, and he says that : 'you will never change, you have to do some sports..' another one is that he told me today that ' even you get an acceptance or not you will be unhappy and make us unhappy'. Here he is talking about my application to an university that I reallly wanna go and study, an issue of big importance for me.

Well, i know that these do not seem like big problems, but they really make me unhappy, and he does not seem to care. I know that I am grown up and have to move from the issue of 'my father does not understand me' but nevertheless I dont know how to get over this issue.

Any advice would be valuable since I do not know how to protect myself from his words.

He knows this probably

never assume anyone knows anything. If someone upsets you, you need to tell them, and explain why.

'you will never change, you have to do some sports..

even you get an acceptance or not you will be unhappy and make us unhappy'

Where is the "joke" in what he is saying to you in these?

What I hear is a parent who is telling his daughter he is a) concerned she isn't taking better care of herself and needs to get some exercise and get off the computer....get out and be active. Get some fresh air, sunshine...etc.

and the other one is your father telling you that it seems nothing makes you happy...and it frustrates both him and your mother & they are at a loss as to what to do anymore. It has nothing to do with you specifically studying or not. If anything, apparently to them you must seem to be in a constant "mood" around the house...

These are not jokes.

You say your father doesn't understand you, well, it sounds as if you don't understand your parents very well...and all of you don't know how to communicate exactly what you are thinking. A parent can't "care" about what upsets you if you hide the fact yu are upset...and you can't expect your mom or dad just to "know".

If you want to get over the issue, then you need to sit down with both of your parents, tell them the comments that are made that upset you and why. Tell them exactly what you THINK they mean...and have them explain what they are really trying to say.

Really it seems as if you have already answered your own post.

Its very easy for me to say you need to just move on, but I know personally that it is a lot harder than that to actually do.

Looking at the statement that you said he made " ...you will be unhappy and make us unhappy". Is that so? It sounds to me that if you do get an acceptance then you WILL BE happy. What does it matter if you make him unhappy. And who was he referring to when he said "us"? Does your mother or whoever else he was referring to feel the same way as him? Why don't you ask this other person and find out.

He is being very selfish. What you want to do will make you happy. He is trying to project his feelings onto you, by saying that you won't be satisfied with the college of your choice. Also, as for the sports thing, I don't know what you mean by that. Are you referring to organized sports or just exercise in general? I used to have somewhat low self-esteem about my looks until I started working out to make a difference in myself and how I looked on the outside. Having stronger muscles (such as in the lower back and abdominals) can help with that backache also..depending on what caused it. You don't have to join a basketball or soccer team to be involved with "sports". If you aren't getting enough exercise then he could actually be right about that part. Try walking for half an hour per day. Just being in better health and having time to think to yourself escaping from the prison of home life, you will begin to feel better about yourself.

Set goals, meet them, change your life.