Once a cheater, always a cheater?

I have two questions...

1)

Is it true that once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater?

My ex-gf cheated on me once and i took her back. ended up we broke up 3x times after and this time we've been apart for 2 months. We've been together for 2 years since 8/21/2001.

2)

My ex-gf is 19 right now and i'm 21. During our 2nd, 3rd, Last break up she said the same thing to me...

"I want to see what life's life with out you. I love you but I'm sorry."

What the heck is wanting to see what life is like without me if you're in love? is this frequent break up for the same reason a sign that she wants to live a single life but can't break away from the intimacy we shared?

It's been 2 months we've been apart and we're going to be hanging out starting hopefully this weekend since I work during the weekdays. She has never said I LOVE YOU to me ever since the break up until 3 days ago. What signs can i expect that she wants to be my lover or friend? I really do love her and I guess in a way I am waiting for her...

Ok, once a cheater does not necessarily mean always a cheater but but it means she's capable of cheating. And when someone cheats, that breaks a trust that is difficult to regain.

You said that she was 19 years old and had said she wanted to see what was out there. I know that's probably not what you want to hear but I think that is an excellent decision on her part. That said, I would hope that seeing whatever is out there doesn't include sleeping around. 19 is very young to be considering a committed relationship, especially if she already lacks the maturity to stay faithful. I would encourage you to seek out other female friendships and remain friends with this girl but not to tie yourself to that relationship. You deserve someone who will be honest and faithful and who can handle being with someone. Good luck!

Hello TwentyOne,

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that you have broken up for like three times. I understand that you have questions about wether someone will cheat again, once they did it and what signals to expect from your ex g/f.

To answer your first question: I do not believe in second chances. If a woman finds a reason to cheat on me, then she didn't respect or love me enough to get enough satisfaction out of a relationship with me. For me that is reasoning enough to cut the strings. The truth is that I am not sure if I will trust her ever again for the full 200%. I believe then it's time to break up and move on, no matter how hard it is.

What she meant by 'getting space' and 'being single' could be exactly what she said. Some people need to figure out life and enjoy it to the max while being single. In fact this is what I also have done. I travelled all by myself to see something of the world and do exactly what fitted me right. The only difference is that I never had to break off a relationship because of this.

My suggestion to you is that you take things as they come when you meet her again. Don't have any expectations, just be there and see what happens. Then act upon it. If you feel comfortable, go for it. If not, just drop the subject and let it go.

I hope that this helped you on your way. I wish you good luck in any decision that you make and works for you.

~ SwingFox ~

Hmm... Once a cheater? Always? I don't know really.. I tell you what though, you need to understand that she could very well do it again. That is, if she thinks she can keep coming back...

I think you should live your life. Worry about you. Don't worry about her. Go out with your friends, hit up a club and get some @ss. Take a stand... Don't let her keep breaking up with you to see others and then, when she feels down can just come running back to you.

Tell her, before getting back together (if ya do), that she needs to be SURE she wants to be in a relationship. Tell her also that she needs to understand that it kills you when she you two break up all the time and you don't know if you can keep doing this.

-j

I believe in once a cheater, always a cheater. If she did it to you, she'll do it to some other guy. My question is why you keep forgiving her and letting her back into your life only to break up again? I know its hard to hear but why put yourself through that time and time again?

Have you ever thought that maybe your ex knows that you'll always be there as a backup in case things are not going well for her then leave you again for some other guy?

I say move on with your life. Show her that you deserve someone who can treat you 100x better than she has. I'm sorry but the only thing your ex is doing is preventing you from moving on and finding someone else.

I read a post on here not too long ago that in it's own is dumb, but when you think about it it's so true. The quote? "You need to listen less to Pearl Jam and more too Eminem...and treat your women like shit"

Now obviously the quote in it's own is no good. But in a way it is true, they need to know you're serious....they need to know that your word is your word, and you need to be firm and honest with them (and back it up when they test you). So with regards to your gf, at the VERY least...tell her this is it, that you're not going to take those games again...and then you've got to be prepared to kick her to the curb if she doesn't meet your expectations.

"Once a cheater always a cheater" Not completely true! However, If you see a trend with someone then I would try to stay away. I believe a cheater can change, but it would be something that could take years. With her being 19 and cheating it's my personal opinion that it will take a long time for her to get over the whole "I want to try and see new things" attitude. From the sounds of it she does not want to be tied down with one person, one experience. You guys keep breaking up and getting back together, she cheated on you, sounds like someone who is not sure of what they want. Then again who could possibly know what they want so early in life? How many possible serious relationships could you have been in at 19? Never treat women like crap, respect them. Just as importantly respect yourself! Don't judge her the way she is now, but don't sit around and take the abuse. If you feel that she is not treating you right get out. Do the same, get out and meet new girls...find out what you like and don't like. You already know you don't like cheating...so if it happens again find something you do like.