Hurt beyond belief

Back in 2001 I came accross some nude pictures of woman in my soon to be fiance's email inbox. Not only pictures but the woman were writing things like "Here are those pictures you wanted" I felt so hurt and betrayed that he was chatting with woman online getting them to send nude pictures. At that time we were not engaged but I almost ended it with him. He was so hurt that I was upset and he promised me that all that stuff meant nothing to him and it is just like if he was looking at a porno magazine. I beg to differ because these are ppl he is chatting with not a piece of paper.

We are now living together and sorry to say when I ever get a chance I make sure there is nothing going on but checking out his lap top. He sometimes leaves his email on. I also saw some nude pics of woman from after the fact of when he wasn't going to do it anymore. I confronted him and told him he need to clean out his computer of these woman. He had no problem doing so. Just the other day I went to his outlook express email and came accross an email from him to this girl named Samantha. The date was in june 2002 two days before he asked me to marry him. He was interested in her and said love dovey things to her and wanted to meet her in person and get to know her. He also sent pic of himself nude completely nude. I am in the process of trying to figure things out. He was so upset and he was crying and that he loves me and that he never meet her or intended to meet her it was only in the heat of the moment that it happened like that. I can only imagine what was said when they were instant msging. I am scared to take that path of marriage with him. He knows he has a problem and he is trying to fix it........He loves me and I know that but whos to say that it won't happen again. What am I to do? my life will be turned upside down if I leave him and I can't stand the thought of leaving him. But seeing those words to her right before he proposed to me kills me it just rips my heart out.

Well, from reading your post, i don't think anybody would disagree with a notion that your fiancee has got some REAL SERIOUS ISSUES! i don't wanna offend you or put you down in anyway, but this is something very serious at this point, and it may very well likely grow into something even more serious, catastrophic, and disasterous once your marriage life unfolds. And you know what i'm talking about. If this thing is just a playful, very unrealistic way for him to have fun , it is still very disgusting and unacceptable, but if this is anything more than that, how could you trust him as a husband? In the back of your mind, there will always remain that doubt, second thought and guessing, and if i were in your situation, the marriage won't be romance, it will be suspence and psychological torture. Intimacy grows when there is total trust, transparency, and acceptance of each other. But i doubt your current relationship has such potential elements. Another thing is, your fiancee has cheated on you by lying after the promise that he won't do it again! If you can accept his behavior as purely an eccentric habit, then there must be ways of dealing with this. For that, get some therapy from psychiatrist or something coz i don't know.

There is a saying that goes something like "Love blinds our eyes"

you may cling on to him now coz you are so madly in love with him, but after years of tears and wears in a relationship, the same loveable honey will look like a grizzly bear at some point in your life.

It's either you take him to therapy and sort him out, or you are taking a huge risk that will determine your life.

i wish you good luck.

ps. i'm nowhere being an adviser or critique in this regard, so don't take this seriously, i may be absolutely off track. this is purely my personal opinion.

I agree with Alex in CA on this one. This situation has the desperate potential to tear you into five thousand little pieces. Yes, loving someone does mean you accept their flaws; yes it means you are there to help them with those flaws, but it absolutely doesn't not mean you get to be the fodder that they destroy in the process of getting better. And anyone who says so should be shot. It seems quite obvious you fiance / potential hubby is in no way shape or form ready for marriage with someone like you. Hey, perhaps if you didn't care nearly as much for him, you wouldn't care. And if you both agreed sending other people nude shots of yourselves is ok, then it'd be as about as normal as the two of you would expect. But it's quite clear this isn't meeting your level of expectations, and you should be listening to that red alert klaxon that's going off in the back of your mind. Ultimately, if he is torn between two halves of himself, he isn't totally available to you in a committed relationship. Until he reconsiles with that, I think you should count all the bets off.