Piggy In The Middle

My two best friends are breaking up!

My friend T introduced me to S 2 years a go when they started going out and since then S and I have been inseperable, T and I have remained good friends.

For the past couple of months S has been very unhappy in the relationship as T is very materialistic sometimes and can be quite insulting to his friends, even his family. I have had a fair number of run in's with him myself.

A couple weeks a go S met a lovely guy, A and started becoming quite involved with him, she then told T she wanted a break.

T was devestated and turned to me for answers to his questions knowing that I would know all the answers but obviously I couldn't tell him anything through loyalty to S.

Things weren't helped by the fact that we all go to the same college and have to see eachother every day.

Now, we went out at the weekend in a big group (my boyfriend is also a friend of T's) and the night ended in S and T appearing to have got back together (S had told T what was up apparently and they then spent the night together). Since then T had been a lot happier and trying to improve though I know it won't last as it's very hard to change the habit of a lifestyle.

My problem is that yesterday S and A made things official and are now a true couple yet I know it will be me who has to deal with T and the consequences.

I'm happy for S and A, I genuinely think he's a lovely guy and know that in the long run S is probably better off with him it just seems that she wants her cake and wants to eat it too while I'm left to (unwillingly) pick up the pieces.

What do I do? S is asking me what she should tell T and T is asking me if S is ok and telling me how well things are going.

Do I continue as I am and not tell either of them what the other says, stay out completely or something else? I'm at a complete loss!!

You are in a very unenviable position, and I can understand your torn feelings. You don't want to break confidences with either S or T regarding what you observe/ or are told by them separately. S is being genuinely unfair, hooking up with A while continuing to string T along. You need to be frank, caring and understanding with S, but tell her in no uncertain terms that you do not like, and cannot continue to be put in the position she is placing you in.

If I were in your position, I would be telling S flat out that she either needs to end the intruigue and duplicity towards T, or that you'll have to say SOMETHING to him. I wouldn't do it in any type of threatening manner, after all she's your inseparable friend, as you describe. You simply need to point out to her that what's going on is hurting you, and it's hurting T, and ultimately will damage her relationship with A, if she doesn't take steps to IMMEDIATELY resolve this problem. Tell her that if she's not strong enough to put things to rest regarding T, that you'll just have to tell him that she has something that she needs to tell him, but that she'll have to be the one to reveal WHAT that something is.

This way you'll be putting S on notice that you won't cover for her anymore and you'll put T on notice that there's something wrong between him and S.

Good luck.