This friendship needs to end, but I don't know what to do.

I have an eight-year long friendship that has been going south for a while now (we're both at the same college, too). She and I no longer have anything in common and conversations feel forced, and we're moving in different life directions. But the main thing is that her personality has changed for the worst. She began saying hurtful and nasty things about other people, some that I know, or making other generally hateful comments. Most recently, when I ask her questions, she seems to ignore them. I no longer feel comfortable around her and I don't look forward to our meeting up anymore. This feeling is one-sided.

There are a few other issues, too. Her parents like me, and I've been to their house for holidays. But her mother keeps giving me gifts and it makes me very uncomfortable. At first it was just little things for Christmas or birthdays, but now every other time I see my friend she brings something her mother has bought for me. Her mother also texts me sometimes, asking for pictures of us or wanting to know her daughter's whereabouts. I am not okay with this at all. If she needs to talk to her daughter, she needs to contact her, not me. What's more, my friend's starting to do some of the same over-generosity, namely paying every time we eat out. Whenever I suggest going dutch, she insists and tells the waiter one check. It seems I'm being bribed into this friendship on two fronts.

I finally took a step back and realized this friendship needs to end, for everyone's sake. But I don't know what to do. It seems like there are only two options: sit down with her and tell her that while I value the friendship we had, we need to part ways, or lower the amount of contact and let the friendship fade out. If I do the first one, I'm scared she'll lash out at me or retaliate in some other way, or that her mother might do so, too! But the second one feels mean and underhanded. Is there a third option? Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.

I don't see a third option available, just the two you provided. Do what feels right in your gut, if that means sit down and tell her what's up or cut contact entirely and let her pick up on the subtlety.

The second option is neither mean nor underhanded. Most friendships do actually fade out quite naturally as life changes, people change, interests change and you simply start going in different directions and spending less time with each other. You don't really "break up" with a friend the way you do with a bf/gf. Friendships sometimes simply do fade out. At the same time, you may run into each other years later and find a new connection there and rekindle your friendship all over again.

Hi FlightsofFancy,

I don't think sitting her down and having a chat to her is a good idea at this stage. Talking to her and breaking up with her will only hurt her feelings especially if she thinks nothing is wrong. This friendship seems to have run it's course for you and you have to do what is right for you.

My advice is to distance yourself from her and let the friendship fade out. Hopefully she will get the hint and walk away as well. If she ever asks you why you no longer have the same type of friendship as you did before then I think you should share your feelings with her. That might help give her closure and will hopefully help her grow as a person and become a better friend to others in future.

Best of luck!

I think option 2 is the best. She'll eventually get the message that the friendship is fading away and she'll most probably kinda forget it and move on.

For option 1, she might become defensive and start yelling at you which isn't cool