Moving away from her

Hi,

I don't know if this is the correct sub-forum to post my thread, so apologies for any mistake from my side. The problem in my case is related to unrequited love but not from the point of "I'm in love with her, I don't know how to get away with it". I think that I have no feelings for her anymore but I need some advice in managing my post-relationship with her.

Let's take my story from the beginning. We met more than 2 years ago in the university. I fall in love with her in first sight (if there's anything like it) but I was too shy to tell her. Around that time she was alone, so retrospectively I think that I had chances back then, if I asked her to date me. But here we are, I never asked her and slowly I entered her friendzone.

We became good "friends" in a sense that we met each other every day or every two days, made projects and university assignments together and two other classmates joined us and we assembled a small friend company; we organized trips (the four of us -sometimes the boyfriend of the other girl was coming also), extreme sport activities, we went to cinema, for drinks etc. I have to note that the other boy in our company also had feelings for my crush but either he never revealed them also or she rejected him but we are still in the same company.

All this time, I never actually moved on with my life; I didn't find a girlfriend, sometimes I was ignoring my own friends who I met before university but I know it's my fault and I don't seek for solace or for an analysis on what went wrong; I hide my feelings, she understood that (although we never admitted it to each other), she got mad but somehow she kept hooking up with me.

Last spring I started working for a large company and during that time they had three more job openings; I asked her, the other boy I talked before and one other friend if they want to come work with me, to which all three of them accepted, so I passed the CVs and had a chat for each of them with my manager. Funnily, like we are characters in romance movie script, they only hired her (I didn't said anything more fiercely for her than the others, actually I talked more passionately for my other friend, but that was the company's decision).

I'm saying this to explain why I cannot stop seeing her everyday. We are in different teams but work in the same office, with our desks in near distance. She is now dating someone from my company (who resides in another country, so they don't meet frequently) and I think that they are very good; I'm glad she finally found her match and I truly believe that (that he is the "one").

Now, the big question: I know that it was all my fault that I didn't ended this cancerous relationship by asking her to date me. And I also know that she, in a way, took advantage of that and used my as her "pet" sometimes (for dropping her at her home with my car, helping her complete an assignment, or advice her when she was afraid of not finding a job etc). I don't seek to know what went wrong or if I have chances now, or if she had romantic feelings for me then (or even now), I'm not seeking a revenge and so on. What I am trying to figure out is how to move on beyond her and just stay typical friends.

By now, I really don't care for her (romantically) anymore but I cannot just stop talking to her. Besides that it is not a proper way, she and the other three friends of our company (which is now a true friend company, after these two years) will keep asking what's wrong, why don't you join us etc. Also, don't forget that we are colleagues so I cannot actually enter the office and talk to everyone except her. I'm trying to find the golden ratio between keeping my distance and not alienating myself from them. Is this possible? By now, she may still believe that I'm in love with her so she loses patience with me with simple reasons, she hides things from me and does things every now and then that knows they are irritating me, maybe in an attempt to defense herself (woman stuff!) I have to note that I barely text her now and so does she (unless a week or so has passed, in which case she texts to know how I'm doing). Face to face we are very good, we laugh and joke to each other.

P.S.: Someone could argue on why I wrote all my story in details since I don't care for her anymore. Maybe I'm trying to find solace in writing it than just thinking about it, which is what actually happens.

Excellent life lesson about standing up and asking someone out rather than being a "pet" or male-girlfriend or friendzoned. Also about becoming paralyzed or just blurting out ILY inappropriately.

So now when you see someone you like it's simple. You chat, smile, build some rapport then ask to have a low-pressure coffee, assess things and take it from there. If there's' enough mutual interest you ask for a date.