2 years later - I feel like Im going crazy!

Hi all!

My story is not the most usual one and not the shortest either - so you have been warned lol.

But I really really really need advice and 'a shoulder(s) to cry on! So please help me somebody because I feel like Im losing it.

I met my ex-fiance about 7 years ago. We fell in love, moved quickly together, tried for a baby for two years after we finally got him, got engaged shortly after and then - it all went down quickly.

So long story short we were together over 5 years and we have a 3 year old child together who we planned and very much wanted. We were happy. No big fights or anything like that. We got engaged at the end finally just before breakup basically and we are now broken up for 2 years and havent been in contact almost a year.

(Ok that wasnt short, I apologize )

It all started to fall down when he broke my heart by cheating on me when I was pregnant.(ok he didnt actually cheat on me but I found a fb message where he was chasing one of his former lovers and asking if they can have sex again(while I was 5mth pregnant and still very much wanted to have sex with him) the only reason why he didnt go through with the cheating was because the girl said no to him) I actually found these messages 2 weeks before going into labour. It was the same as cheating for me because I trusted him completely and my whole world fell down.

Ok anyway of course I forgave him and we got the baby and got engaged and we were really happy for a minute. Until about a half year later I got depressed and some other health issues that were going on for about a year. I then accidently met someone(a gay woman) and she was supposed to help me with my depression but instead she made me fall in love with her and I still dont know how she did it because I was straight. That was the most confusing time of my life, my head was literally spinning from all that. I met her once but we never did anything inappropriate until I decided to tell all about it to my fiance. I felt the need to be honest with him because I didnt want to cheat on him. I told him how confused I am about everything and I asked him to give me some time to get my head straight (to even decide if I was straight or gay). It broke him completely. And I felt so sorry for him(because I really loved him) that I decided to HELP HIM FIND ANOTHER WOMAN.

In his head it was over between us. But my head was a complete mess. I wanted to get married with him and be a real family with our son but I was miserable the past 1.5 years and now I finally felt something and it was awesome for this other woman.

So I did find him a girl he liked and tried this relationship with the woman.

Only a month later I made my final decision that I dont want to be with this woman(or any) and I really want to fix everything with him but he told me it was too late (a month later) and he had met the girl I found for him only TWICE by then and it was too late... he really wanted to see where this is going with her. I was shocked. He threw everything away so easily like I never really meant anything at all to him..

Few weeks later HIS NEW GF MOVED IN TO OUR HOME and I had to listen their sex life through the thin bedrooms wall. I was going crazy. But I had nowhere to go with my 2 year old son. And I even tried to be friends with her but I very quickly realised how manipulative and bossy person she is. She started to control everything my ex was doing or even saying without him even realizing that.. few months later my ex kicked me and his own son out of the house (that we both rented together)

After that it was like a war zone. They tried to take my son away from me going to the childprotective services with their complete 100% made up lies. Of course they came to my house once and I had a following interview with them but the case was closed immediately cause they saw themselves that I was a good mother and doing nothing wrong. Then it was a fight about the child support. Then they tried to trick me into letting my child go to a "one week holiday" with them (to their and mine home country cause we are all same nationality) and never return actually (knowing that the police wont do anything about it in our home country) and if I wasnt stupid enough and said no to that "holiday" then they started(the girl actually not my ex) to harrassing me with threaths and nasty texts etc. I ended up going to a police and blocking their numbers. And a month after that they actually did went back home for good and we stopped talking then it was about 10 months ago. He hasnt paid any child support eventho I went to court. He hasnt asked how our son was and they havent seen each other since last xmas. I was so shocked with everything and broken and hurt but I thought I will get over it. But I just cant. And the last few months I have been missing him as a man too( I really thought I hated him but I actually still love him) and as my best friend cause that what he always was. But he was like put under a spell by that snake since the day he met her. Everybody say(our mutual friends) that she is a manipulative and a bad person and not even a pretty girl(everyone say im much prettier and not just my friends). I realized recently that I cant hate HIM because he was such a big part of my life and he is my childs father and I loved him with all of my heart and he was my best friend and i thought whatever happens that part will never change...until he met her and turned his back on us completely.

Oh and forgot to mention...she manipulated him to make her pregnant just few months after they met(she lied that she cant get pregnant at all but actually took pills at the same time that made her chances to get pregnant even bigger and she knew she was totally healthy) the pregnancy actually shocked my ex but he was stuck then. And they have a baby girl now. She is about 9months old now. And they got married this summer because my ex's mother insisted that and even paid for the whole thing(again im hurt..like I was never enough for him and even his mother who I thought I really get along)

Oh and the snake(his wife now) lied all to our mutual friends about me completely crazy thi gs and tried to turn all of my friends against me with her lies. And partly even successfully. So she is a complete snake and a fake bi... who made my ex hate me and I lost most of my friends because of her and she tried to kiddnap my son too.. I dont even have words of how much I hate her. And they are married now with a baby and I thought it was a complete rebound relationship at first(because I believe he loved me as much as I loved him and I hurt him obviously and he immediatly found this girl- this must be a rebound right?) And he even begged me to sleep with him few times in the first few weeks when he was dating the new girl and when she didnt move in yet(and of course i slept with him and of course i used this as a weapon when I wanted him back but instead they both hate me for that now)

Does he really hate me? Is it really not a rebound? Sorry but everybody say that my ex looks miserable with her and even their wedding pictures look like they are not in love at all. (and again its not just me saying it or my close friends. Everyone does) I tried to hate him. Forget him and move on. I tried to start new relatioships but I just cant have feelings for anyone else. Im currently in a relationship because I couldnt be alone anymore(but i dont have feelings for him anymore and I dont know how to end this) I miss him like crazy. I want him back. We were the perfect family but we both made mistakes. He is the love of my life(all the bad things were this evil gf ideas i know that for sure now) Is there any tiny chance for me at all with him anymore or have I completely lost him forever and how can I ever get over him then. Cause it has been over 2 years and not a day when I dont regret or miss him even when he has hurt me so much.

And I just texted him to ask if he is still a father of our child or does he not want to be cause its almost a year since they have met and we are moving back to our home country soon as well(no i didnt decided to move back because they moved there..i think(?))

And the response was positive. He said he misses our son a lot and when are we moving there and that it has been emotionally very hard to be away from our son all this time. So Im trying to get friends with him slowly again if i can(but i dont want anything to do with his wife and I dont know how to tell him that cause i dont want war all over again) I really want my son to have his dad in his life because my son deserves it I think and i know hes not a bad person in his heart.

Can we ever be a real family again or has he completely got over me forever?

If somebody actually read through all of it- i will give you gold medals lol.

(and forgive me my grammar and spelling mistakes. English is my second language

PLEASE HELP!

Unfortunately it sounds like he is the snake, not her. Continue taking care of yourself and your son and get the child support you need and other things you need from whatever support services you can find.

Do you work or have friends or family nearby? Who do you live now?

he was like put under a spell by that snake ...she manipulated him to make her pregnant she is a complete snake who made my ex hate me

This seems like a messy situation. You're going to have to accept the fact that your ex is now a married man with a daughter. It's his decision to stay with her, so the best you can do is avoid any drama while you work out the financial aspects of providing for your son.