Tired of falling in love with women who are in a relationship...

My first, so hello!

My last relationship ended pretty bad, I'd say I wasn't the rebound however she left her guy for me and we went straight away into a deep relationship (it was a huge mistake, we both didn't even bother dating at first).

Anyway, I've slowly gotten over that girl...but now I'm falling in love with a woman at work who is in a relationship with a man of 3 years.

We just have the same values and morals, we are so compatible and enjoy the same interests. She would make a steller mom and wife, and it breaks my heart that she bears another man's name.

I have not asked her to hang out, or anything of that nature for I don't want to overstep boundaries like I did with my ex.

It's just the more and more I get to know her and the more we talk I can't help but to fall for her. She has a flirty personality, so I wouldn't even know if she liked me or not...only thing she has said is "you're a great person".

I guess what I need to figure out is how can I just stop myself from getting those feelings, I just can't seem to be attracted to anyone single (in fact I find it very hard to meet a woman who is single).

I had a big problem with liking the taken ones but, it just erked me too much on my conscience to even hit on them as I wouldn't want the same for my gf. I understand the whole wanting the girl in a relationship already it adds pizzaz to the whole concept of "forbidden fruit" same reason people are attracted and fantasize about their gf's best friends.

My suggestion is to drop it, you can't go around trying to invade in peoples relationship. You have to understand that you will be hurting more than just them. There are a lot of people out there that you will meet that you can say "i would love to be married to them" and they are taken, but there are others. Plus when you "steal" a women so to speak you have that well if they did it for you why not someone else? You said yourself it was bad with the last deal because you rolled straight into the relationship. Didn't really give yourself time to start dating, and chances are the same thing would happen here.

When someone goes from one serious relationship into another its really unfair to the guy/girl who was single and is being in a sense "used" because it's just a transfer to fill the void of emotions and feelings. Thats why you see people who hop from relationship to relationship with the smallest amount of time and no room for healing.

Yeah, it seems the good ones are always taken or always in at least some kind of semi-relationship.

But... you really have no control exactly who you fall in love or are infatuated with, it really is out of our hands.

It's not all you, it's part them... if they were a jerk you might not give them a second thought.

I get that, it's almost a "given".

What I hate just as much, is meeting someone in a bar say, and within 10 seconds of the convo she brings up the topic of her boyfriend...

(Who is not there, and apparently doesn't mind her hanging out in bars unescorted.)

I know it's just a line to get rid of me, and I guess it's better than "Buzz off creep!", but I still don't like it.

Nothing to do about it but tell her about my girlfriend Bianca's new sportscar.

Thx

You're wanting what you can't have. It could be part that the idea excites you, while you know it's a taboo. Is it possible also that part of you is doing this as some sort or revenge; as to what your ex did to you? It could steer a person with or without knowing to go after someone that's involved.

In either case, it's not going to end well nor should you try to approach someone that's already happy in a relationship.

I had a big problem with liking the taken ones but, it just erked me too much on my conscience to even hit on them as I wouldn't want the same for my gf. I understand the whole wanting the girl in a relationship already it adds pizzaz to the whole concept of "forbidden fruit" same reason people are attracted and fantasize about their gf's best friends.

I'm glad you are someone who actually feels guilty about hitting on someone who is already in a relationship. There are men out there (and in some cases women) who have no regard to what their status is, and its completely selfish.

My suggestion is to drop it, you can't go around trying to invade in peoples relationship. You have to understand that you will be hurting more than just them. There are a lot of people out there that you will meet that you can say "i would love to be married to them" and they are taken, but there are others. Plus when you "steal" a women so to speak you have that well if they did it for you why not someone else? You said yourself it was bad with the last deal because you rolled straight into the relationship. Didn't really give yourself time to start dating, and chances are the same thing would happen here.

I hear you, so the best bet in my mind would be to try to avoid having long conversations because it will just make me want her more.

When someone goes from one serious relationship into another its really unfair to the guy/girl who was single and is being in a sense "used" because it's just a transfer to fill the void of emotions and feelings. Thats why you see people who hop from relationship to relationship with the smallest amount of time and no room for healing.

That's exactly what my ex did. She left me to jump in a serious relationship the next day. She and him both deny using each other as rebounds, but its pretty obvious with her that she's trying to fill in the void I left behind (asking me to wait for her while she finds herself, knowing im her true love etc). She had no time to heal, no time to get over me and move on with her life.

All I can do is be patient and meet the right woman who is available and I don't have to go through the whole rebound stage.

You're wanting what you can't have. It could be part that the idea excites you, while you know it's a taboo. Is it possible also that part of you is doing this as some sort or revenge; as to what your ex did to you? It could steer a person with or without knowing to go after someone that's involved.

 

In either case, it's not going to end well nor should you try to approach someone that's already happy in a relationship.

I thought about the revenge scenario, but I don't have those feelings about it. Yeah you are right it probably won't end well if it did escalate into that. Imagine the weight on my shoulders to try and be better than her last bf you know what I mean? You would have to do just more just so she wouldn't regret leaving him...but it's not only too much work but also wrong to pursue.

You are like a child who at any cost wants someone else's toy. Stop it already. You must understand that you are choosing wrong things. To raise and care for your toy is much more interesting then to take away someone else's.

But I can't control my feelings, furthermore I have no plan whatsoever to take her away from her man. It's probably infatuation, and I'm still trying to heal from my last relationship. I guess right now in my life my judgment is very clouded.

I'm still trying to heal from my last relationship

Ex: Yes. First things first. It is never advisable to even consider another relationship until you are well healed - and back to "yourself" . And it could take months. But it is best, believe me, to just concentrate on sorting out your own feelings and the aftermath of your previous relationship.

H.

Ex: Yes. First things first. It is never advisable to even consider another relationship until you are well healed - and back to "yourself" . And it could take months. But it is best, believe me, to just concentrate on sorting out your own feelings and the aftermath of your previous relationship.

 

H.

What could make me not miss my ex though? Right now I can't even imagine what I could do to get over her, and I sure don't want to use someone else for that to happen. Since I was getting these same feelings for this new girl just like I had when I first started with my ex I thought I was healed...I guess I'm really not because just today I keep thinking about my ex and longing for her.

None of my hobbies are fun anymore, nothing excites me in life anymore. So I can't turn to that to heal, and I don't have friends either.

nothing excites me in life anymore

That feeling will pass, Ex. It takes TIME. Maybe it is a good time now to make some friends, to get involved in something entirely different which has no connotations of the times you had with your ex.

Don't force yourself. There is no way around this, you have to go through it. Not much fun, but chalk it up to life experience.

H

I don't have friends either.

Do you have a habit of falling for any woman that shows you attention? You could just be lonely.

I would examine why you keep falling for unavailable women.

Scott