I can't stand my baby's father

I really cannot stand the father of my unborn child already. And it breaks my heart b/c it's not fair to this baby that I got us into this. I really hate myself for doing something this stupid.

I've tried to make it work with him for a month or so now (ONLY for the baby), but he is disrespecful, rude and lazy. He has a problem with drugs and I don't think he will benefit my child in any way. I really don't want him in my baby's life at all. I do like his family, though. I definitely won't let him sign the birth certificate or get my baby "legitimized" (what a terrible word). Because I know he won't fight for it.

I am so thankful for what a wonderful supportive ex boyfriend i have. He is a good man. I really truly love him. As I said before ( ), he wants to raise the baby as his and wants for us to be together. I just am so mad at myself for putting him in this position as well. We broke up for a legitimate reason, but I still had no right to be so impulsive and do what I did.

I guess I just really would like some words of encouragement or support. I feel like a complete failure and terrible person. I am just trying to do what I think is best. I mistakenly thought I could change my baby's father for the better, but he is set in his ways, and I know you can't make someone change. And I love someone else. Any advice?

Leave the father. Let the babys fathers fam be in contact... But if the baby is bought up with a father u dont like then it wont get the best start out of life... Why if i may ask did u and ur Ex split... He is willing to step in as father? Is that what you want... How do you want your future to leave... In ur situation do u reallly want a baby. I know that sounds mean, but you may end up having a hard time trying to do right... Please think carefully about what you want. But leave ur current bf, as stress can cause difficult pregnancy...

Hope this helps

__X

Anna I think it's admirable that your ex is willing to help raise your child with another man as his own. I am one who believes that a child NEEDS a good, loving father figure in it's life...regardless if it's a friend, uncle grandfather...etc.

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. We all mistakes.....but don't think of your child as a mistake. Think of it as a gift God gave you to change your life for the better.

If you believe you and your ex have a shot of making things work, you love him, he loves you and he loves your child.........what's left to decide?

I personally believe the biological father should still be able to see his child..because legally it is his right...but this doesn't mean you have to be with him, like him, or respect him. It is also his "legal" obligation to pay child support. So I would definetely pursue that as well..

Best in all to you...

hya...

me and a girl called twisted whisper are in the same boat as you and its really hard. im so glad you have the support of your ex he seems like a really decent guy unlike the babys father.

check out the '6months pregnant' thread in Breaking Up section im sure it will be like reading your own story - so your not (unfortunately) alone

all the best xxxxx

You do not have to be with someone that treats you badly, child or no child. YOu should never compromise your values or yourself for that.

However, something does trouble me about this. If he is wanting to be a father to that child and has not put you in physical danger he should have the opportunity to be a father to his child.

That child deserves the father too. Both parents should be involved in the childs life unless one of them is dangerous to the child.

Saying that, my 9 year olds father is not involved and hasnt been since he was a year old. He is still his father though, even if he will not see this child period. He beat the crap out of me though and served a year in jail for it.... also put bruises on my then 14 month old baby... you see..... he would have been and may still be a danger to said child.

What about your babies father?

Thats great that your ex wants to father the child... but father he is not... If he chooses to step up and help you raise the child that is wonderful I just do not feel you should automatically exclude the biodad like that.

I think you are making the right decision. And if all you need is words of encouragement, well there it is. You need to do what is best for the baby. Listen to southerngirls advise in regards to the baby's father, and go with your heart on who you love. If my mother stayed with my father just because he contributed his DNA to me I would be alot worse off. I would probably be on the streets or dead. Just because he is the biological father doesn't make him a dad. Especially if he has a drug problem, I would get out of there, but again, listen to southergirl in regards to the future relationship between him and your baby.

Don't feel bad about putting your ex in that position. I mean, express your feelings of guilt to him, but he is a big boy and can make decisions on his own. If he wants to make it work, then do it. You are on the right track my dear, good luck.