no marriage destroys our relation

hello!

I need some help from both sexes here... a month ago me and my 6 year old younger bf had a fight about getting married. i'm soon 31 and really want to get married (and have kids) but he says he's ok like that, that we have no hurry. since the great fight as I call it,i have been much more distant with him, and almost avoid him physically (sex isn't been half as good as it was before). he noticed it, but when i want to talk about it, he said he told me everything when we spoke quietly after the fight.

i have the impression our relationship has worsen and it makes me feel bad and guilty, as before we had the perfect relation...he's away for work this week and i'm happy to be alone...not very normal,no?

anybody know what I could do?

Thanks

I guess you need to find out if he wants children at all. If he doesn't, and that's important to you, then as hard as it will seem, you may have to end things.

You have a window of opportunity for your child bearing years, and he does not.

How long have you two been dating? If it's not that long, then I could see how he might feel pressured by your discussion. If you've been seeing each other for quite awhile, then it's probably time to discuss the future and where things might lead.

hi!

thanks for your post-

we've been together for 6 years, with ups and downs, but since a year, we've been living together happily, without fight and being both really happy and satisfied.

he told me he wants children, and I have no doubt about that. i have the feeling he's refrained by something, but I cannot figure out what it might be. is he scared? but the big change in our lives was to live together and adjust to a new kind of relation...what will a marriage change?

forgot to add, that we both have a good work and have absolutely no financial problems whatsoever. we even just bought a house and are moving in next month...

when we talked, he said I never was satisfied, that i always wanted more. but what I'm asking is more than reasonable...no?

Your concerns are reasonable, but so are his given the age difference. The problem is (and believe me I'm in the same boat) you have a biological clock you're working with so you really need to know where he stands. Your best bet is to wait until things calm down and then talk to him in a non-confrontational manner. Tell him you understand if he's not ready to have children now, but you need him to give his most honest answer about whether or not he'll ever be ready, if at all. Ask him when he thinks a good age would be for him to start being a dad. Ask him what has been stressing him out all this time.

If he still refuses to talk or decides he can't really answer these questions for you, then at some point you'll have decide if you can live with the status quo or if you'll have to leave him to find someone who's ready and willing to father the children you long for. None of this is easy, but the sooner you find out what he really thinks, the better it'll be for the both of you. Good luck!

Swissangel's question was regarding marriage, not children. Today 40 % of british newborns have parents that are not married (to each other).

I do not have the answer for your problem. But I can emphasize with your bf since I do not wish to get married either.

Sex is the most important thing for me in a relationship. That is why my greatest fears are that my partner would start wanting to have less sex (stop faking a higher sexual drive after marriage, afraid children might overhear) or that she would feel so comfortable after marriage that she would happily throw her her weight-controlling measures out the window.

I strive to always tell the truth and since these caveats are not included in the marriage vows, I cannot marry.