boltnrun

I'm confused... It seems initially you were talking about men, now you've shifted to talking about women who pretend to be "in distress". Who exactly is this thread directed at? Men who help women, or women who pretend to need help?

Why does it have to be negative?

I would hope someone who claims to love me would support my efforts to improve my health. If I started bike riding to get more physically fit would that be a "threat" to the relationship? What if I decided to eat more fruits and vegetables? What if I joined a walking group (that my partner doesn't care to join) and some of the participants are, God forbid, men? What if a couple of the men are attractive, would I be expected to quit the group to appease my partner? If my partner views me getting emotionally, mentally and/or physically healthy as a "threat" to our relationship they'll likely not be my partner for much longer.

The presumption seems to be the OP is seeing the therapist for "relationship issues". But what if he's not? What if the things he's trying to work out have nothing to do with his feelings about his relationship or about his girlfriend but are personal issues that could negatively affect his professional life, his interpersonal interactions or his love relationships? Not everyone who's partnered is seeing a therapist for relationship issues. My mental health issues have zero to do with my love relationships. I am working through childhood traumas that affect all facets of my life. If my partner demanded I stop therapy or insisted on me seeing a certain gender therapist I would wonder if they truly wanted me to be well.

So who unpacks immediately after they return from a trip? 🙋‍♀️ And who lets the suitcase or bag sit for a week? Or more? Or even leaves it in the car for days? I dislike disorder or clutter or things out of place.

That was her goal. She'll flip flop between tactics searching for whatever one gets her what she wants...you remaining as her sycophant, her admirer and her servant. You don't need the house key. You can add an additional lock or change the locks completely. And don't be surprised if she does show up at the Air BnB. She knows the location and the dates. If she wants you back as her plaything she'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Or she doesn't have to pick at all! She is wholly confident she has you firmly in her back pocket. So she can see the other man as often as she wants and have you around whenever he's not available or she wants attention from someone different (you). Win-win for her. For you? Not so much.

I didn't suggest or recommend you "pretend everything's fine" during a first meet. That's an interesting interpretation of what I wrote, though!

Maybe going forward you can sit on your decisions for a few days before acting in the immediate and then reversing yourself. An option could have been to explain to this man that you would like to take a day or two and get back to him regarding any future dates. Explain that's how you prefer to do things because you have a tendency toward knee jerk reactions that you end up regretting or rethinking. He was gracious enough to set aside what you'd said to him that first day and ask for another chance. Giving people that same grace could be more effective. And better for you.

Ask yourself why she feels so threatened by this therapist. Is it out of concern for you? Or for herself?

She is homebound. That's why I asked about her social worker. They are trained in many facets of the community they serve.

Once she and her ex are officially back together there will be no more cuddly TV nights. At least not with you. You would have to be completely fine with going over and sitting across the room while her current man is holding and cuddling her. So, I wonder if he knows she's still having you over to give her attention and affection. Is he also willing to share her?

Last time I was up here in the mountains it was just after my cousin died and I was angry and confused and grieving. This place helped me. It feels good to be back. And I will definitely come back as soon as I can.

Do you think that perhaps, despite your initial defensiveness on your other thread, maybe you are considering adjusting your mindset regarding how someone chooses to dress versus their character or compatibility? You were extremely turned off, saying he appeared "unhoused" and almost seemed offended by his choice of attire. What is making you rethink? Do these threads help you think out loud so to speak?

Do you have a social worker assigned to your case?