Coily

I think it's part of the whole OLD dating conundrum, basically trying to weed out someone as quickly as possible. Having been on the receiving end a few times of that sort of probing question, I just kind of concluded that someone is looking for a flaw to move on, rather than get invested.

While I disagree that those two quote of mine are in parallel, I do agree that it’s a discussion worth having in terms of dating. I also disagree with feminism being the baseline between all female-male interactions should be measured. Then again I also draw a very distinct line between feminism and suffrage. The Suffrage movement really is difficult to compare with the Radical Feminist movements of the 70s/80s and beyond. It’s also a lot more complex than it is usually reported in the history books, then again the world from 1900 to 1920 is where I spent a lot of my historical research. Kind of blew my mind that some of the most ardent detractors of suffrage were women. I would also venture to say that some men (not all) going along with other radical feminist movements since then were of a malicious compliance; you know the trope of the predatory male feminist up to no good. I would be curious as to what nations you are comparing the US to. To put such a blanket statement out I think is deceptive in the details of where things differ. You mention abortion, which have legislation variances across the globe. It’s a hot button topic for many, but this isn’t a “gotcha” moment for our discussion. I reject your framing of ‘radicalism” being in regard to life and death circumstances. You want to paint giving a dam about women as only viewed through a feminist lens; I think this is grossly unfair and specious way to go about this discussion. If one thinks men only care about women as a provider of offspring, I don’t think you understand most men. With this last paragraph’s argument, you poisoned the well. I think this is a horrifically bad faith position to take. Just as not all men are anti feminist, not all women are feminist; your position is so sadly narrow, that a woman who is a anti-feminist would be under worse scrutiny than any man.

Bolt and YogaCat, “Strong and independent woman who doesn't need a man" more of a meme on the internet at this point, to describe women who hate men. I would say our age differences probably play a role in our perceptions of that phrase. Radical Feminists like Andrea Dowrkin, Clementine Ford, or Bell Hooks; who made a huge splash in the public sphere with their man hating rhetoric in the 90s through 2010s. The radicals who had this weird Eugenic mentality to get rid of men that didn’t conform to their kooky beliefs. Being self-contained and content is one thing, many people are like that. It’s a few women, like a few men; who have disdain for the opposite sex that I’m calling out. I don’t think you hate men from all of your posts through the years. I don’t think you’d go WGTOW, which would mirror MGTOW; a movement which I view as treating women as sex objects due to personal damage.

If I remember my textile history, the key is looking for "selvedge" when it comes to jeans, better weaving process.

I would be really curious, if there were a comparison of dating attitudes from the 1920s to the 2020s. See where things really went off the rails with dating attitudes, and where things improved. Sadly that will be impossible, sure there are those little articles that pop up on dating advice from back in the day that ranges from quaint, to sexist, to still remarkably valid.

There is a strange social pressure for everyone to be kind of cookie cutter, quirky and independent seem to get labeled as depressed or in need of therapy. If you aren't out on the town doing stereotypical X or Y for your age group you must be broken. I find all of it very strange to be honest. As to WGTOW, it's existed for quite a while, the "strong and independent woman who doesn't need a man" parts of radical feminism. Which I think MGTOW is a reaction to, basically they are both reflections of the worst elements of each other. Then again I would not label feminism a hate group nor 'da manosphere", hateful elements in both but not the ideas as a whole.

Man oh man, I'm sorry to read this. You need to talk to a lawyer now. Document everything can, especially when there's a question about paternity. It doesn't matter one wit what the relationship was before discovering her cheating. There is NO justification or excuses cheating, none. It will also be difficult, but don't leave your home. She can leave, like she left you and your children; but you need to move into a guest room. This is for your kids, and their future, not this woman. There is a path forward for you and your kids as a family. You just have to come to terms with this new reality. I wish you the best,

Sounds like this in-law was wanting to be dramatic for some reason. I would hold off on any contact with her for a long while. Mostly due to the yelling in the alley and refusing to give you the phone number of the cousins. Your household is safe, sound, and content. All is well.

Sorry, can't agree. I dated a woman who was basically emotionless when we were in public, it was just how she was. In private she was very affectionate and attentive. What we deem good or bad isn't what the OP is asking.

Just be polite and move on. You don't have to engage in conversation, or anything else.

I don't suffer fools lightly, nor the arrogant; so someone coming at me with a "why aren't you staying longer?" Would get a bit of a dressing down if they didn't take my polite "I'm just going. Bye" Ask him if he's going to bathe? Well not really, but there's really only one chance to make a first impression and he blew it like a blizzard.

Has something changed for him? People can change in how they express themselves publicly. You know him far better than we do, I think the best course is to write down how this makes you feel, reflect on it and think od some solutions. Then have a discussion, without accusation; as that will put him on the defensive. My guess is that he doesn't even know it's an issue. I don't think this is bad behavior, as much as it's behavior that isn't understood by the OP.

When I say criticize harshly, that doesn't mean I confront someone. More, I take a measure of someone and decide if I want to invest further. But that's me, I don't mind being judgemental when it comes to someone I could spend my life with.

Dress and appearance are a topic where it is in eye of the beholder. That said It's perfectly fine to criticize, and harshly, someone you are on a date with. Maybe not in a confrontation, but this guy he needed to be told off a bit due to his attitude. I think it was Dias' grandmother earlier, posited the idea that dress on a date is a matter of it being for yourself, not for the other person. I heartily endorse that. I prefer putting on a suit and tie, but have to dress down on average, so I'm not over dressed. It's not to be a snob or bore, but it's been my style for years.

Is this new behavior with your BF, or is it just starting to get to you? Some people are just not comfortable with any public displays of affection. It's their outward facing personality. Also some people aren't demonstrable with their affections at all. It's not that they are ashamed, or anything like that; but it's their personality. As to the work get togethers, me personally, I wouldn't bring my GF to one of those functions. I want the time I spend with her to be an escape from duties, not dragging work drama into the relationship. Or having to worry about Handsy from HR making a pass at her and Handsy passing it off as drinking a little much. Also not wanting public displays isn't a "problem" it's a preference. One that you both have to agree on. What's more important is you both reach an understanding on your mutual expectations for the relationship. Or if you want to continue it over a basic incompatibility.