Coily
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Posts
2,135 -
Joined
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Days Won
8
Community Answers
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Coily's post in My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up? was marked as the answer
The fact the two of you have broken up 5 times is enough to say this relationship is about not being lonely over being in love.
Add to this he has taken (with or without their knowledge) a risqué picture of someone shows that you are convenient to him; his investment in the relationship is minimal. Throw in his desire to have sex with this friend, again proves how little he values the relationship.
Unfortunately you played pretend interested, which let stretch the comfort boundaries of your relationship. I think you need to evaluate what you are getting from this “relationship” other than tales of how your BF wants to do the horizontal rumba with a friend with a big chestacological area.
Personally after that many break ups, I would be done with that individual, not stability. The rest is icing on the cake of disappointment.
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Coily's post in She broke up with me then we got back together, now I find her repulsive. was marked as the answer
Since she broke up with you over not getting her way, it showed her character. It's that inner part of who she is which you find unappealing. So now that you're back together, you can't unsee that side of her; she could be super-model attractive, but that relational temper tantrum is all you can focus on.
The best thing you can do is tell her that your break up has opened your eyes to your needs in a relationship. Doesn't matter if you slept with anyone or not; she set the stage where she could leave if for anything if she doesn't get her way, how could anyone forge a lasting and loving relationship with that threat?
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Coily's post in Wife's moved out because of my jealousy and insecurity issues. I'm so lost. was marked as the answer
Welcome to ENA,
You have quite a bit to unpack, but good on you for starting to get help. What form is the help you are getting? Professional, AA, spiritual?
With your aforementioned insecurities, the question is do you want to change for yourself? Not just to get your wife back, but are you at the turning point where you will put everything into you?
That is the question you need to ask, if it is just to get your wife back how will things really change in your relationship if this is just performative? What is stopping you from relapsing into this abusive behavior?
I wish you luck in trying to rebuild yourself, it will be extremely difficult to regain your wife’s confidence in you. Do this for yourself more so than her, for if all else fails this is laying the groundwork for your life ahead, as a better man.
