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My boyfriend wants his friend, should we break up?


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The other day my boyfriend and I were trying something new and he said he finds his friend sexually appealing and wants to sleep with her(we have a closed relationship). He knows im insecure about her because I heard he was involved with her before we got back together, but he denied thinking of her like that when i asked in the past. Yesterday he admitted he thought about her sometimes when hes masturbating . I wanted to know more and pretended to like hearing him talk about her but he sent me a picture he took of her shirtless and said he wished my chest was as big as hers. Im insecure about my chest so that really hurt. I think she was just changing her shirt but he took the picture a week after we got back together and i never knew. Does him taking a picture like that and thinking about her while he masturbates count as cheating? 

For quick backstory we've dated since august 2021 but broken up 5 times. The last time we broke up was ab a month ago because he had feelings for another friend and I feel like he only came back to me because she didnt want him. So already I had very little trust in him but now I have none. He's apologized for the picture and said he loves who I am, but im not even sure if he even means any of that. I keep thinking about how loving he's been and all the times hes reassured me that he only wants me while secretly having a picture and thinking about her. So I dont know if I can ever trust him again. What should I do??

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Well from his behavior he really doesn't want you, he is using you until something else comes along. He  love bombs you to manipulate you. Once would have been enough for me...how many times does it take for you to realize you are just a place holder. Girl you need some self worth. 

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1 hour ago, evenworse said:

For quick backstory we've dated since august 2021 but broken up 5 times.

This is complete insanity. 

Break up forever, and start working on your self-esteem. This is not love and this guy has no respect for you, and doesn't even seem to like you that much. You're the fall-back girl when his other love interests don't work out. 

 

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Agree with the others.  Also there's no such thing as a "closed relationship".  There is an "exclusive relationship" or if you say "we're in a relationship" it's presumed to be exclusive.  Some people have "open relationships" but yours is not - -even if you agreed to one - this would not be a good example of an open relationship because he is simply being open with you about how he finds other women sexually appealing and I would hope in an open relationship that actually works this sort of tacky crude nonsense would not be permitted or desired even.  

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First thing first please know your worth and you deserve way better then that.  Secondly I feel that is considered cheating and is not OK.  It's not OK comparing you to another woman is not okay he holds on to pictures of her Anne mostly is not okay he uses her picture for sexual pleasure. And breaking up and getting back together 5 times is well rough.  A ex is usually a ex for reason and that's where they should stay and from what you have said about him he doesn't seem like a very good guy.  You could most definitely find a man that is gonna love you and all of,  and not compare you to another woman.  Some man is waiting to wars the ground you walk on so don't sell your self short for some half as* man that all acts like a boy.  Do your self a favor a leave him and find your self a real man that is just gonna adore your beautiful self. Wish you the best

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23 hours ago, evenworse said:

he said he finds his friend sexually appealing and wants to sleep with her(we have a closed relationship). He knows im insecure about her because I heard he was involved with her before we got back together, but he denied thinking of her like that when i asked in the past. Yesterday he admitted he thought about her sometimes when hes masturbating . I wanted to know more and pretended to like hearing him talk about her but he sent me a picture he took of her shirtless and said he wished my chest was as big as hers. Im insecure about my chest so that really hurt.

This is all damaging.. isn't it? 😕 

You're being strung along time & time again, because YOU are allowing it. You keep letting him back in.  Why? - I know, because you like him and are emotionally invested in him... BUT, it's damaging you!

He's messed up, seriously!  And he's dragging you down.

Darn right, you need to grow a backbone!  You deserve to be treated right.  By someone who truly does appreciate you.  He's an idiot!

Is time YOU took control.  Learn your self worth & kick him to the curb!

And, when a couple breaks up then back over & over, the value of your relationship deminishes.  As does your trust, etc.

So... you need to be stronger than this and YOU take control.  You tell him enough and you end EVERYTHING with him.  You don't deal with him at all anymore.

You let him go so he can go chase his 'other women' in his fantasies and live his life like a sleeze dog.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/19/2023 at 6:34 PM, evenworse said:

The other day my boyfriend and I were trying something new and he said he finds his friend sexually appealing and wants to sleep with her(we have a closed relationship). He knows im insecure about her because I heard he was involved with her before we got back together, but he denied thinking of her like that when i asked in the past. Yesterday he admitted he thought about her sometimes when hes masturbating . I wanted to know more and pretended to like hearing him talk about her but he sent me a picture he took of her shirtless and said he wished my chest was as big as hers. Im insecure about my chest so that really hurt. I think she was just changing her shirt but he took the picture a week after we got back together and i never knew. Does him taking a picture like that and thinking about her while he masturbates count as cheating? 

For quick backstory we've dated since august 2021 but broken up 5 times. The last time we broke up was ab a month ago because he had feelings for another friend and I feel like he only came back to me because she didnt want him. So already I had very little trust in him but now I have none. He's apologized for the picture and said he loves who I am, but im not even sure if he even means any of that. I keep thinking about how loving he's been and all the times hes reassured me that he only wants me while secretly having a picture and thinking about her. So I dont know if I can ever trust him again. What should I do?

I would end this now he wants her not you. 

I just couldn't deal with something like this personally. 

 

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