I feel like a have committed a great crime, and need to commit another.
My first great crime was going out with, getting engaged to and building a house with a single mother - when I felt in my heart that it wasn't right.
My second great crime is what I want to do now, call it all off.
For some time now I have felt that my lips were sealed, as if what I wanted didn't matter. I'm really not sure who actually sealed my lips, was it her or me. Needless to say, I never acted as I really wanted.
I got myself into this awful mess when I was having a terrible personal and work life. I was on the rebound from another girlfriend, my father was dying of cancer and was also in the middle of changing my career direction - which was not going according to plan, and I was also living 600 miles from home. In addition to the ill health of my father, I was love sick, home sick, money sick and career sick !
Recently I have been experiencing an awakening, my old self is coming back, and I have awoken in night mare. How on earth did I get here ?
What seemed like the right thing to do with myself of the past was not the right thing to do with myself of the future.
Part of me says, do the crime, do the time. But part of me begs not to hurt myself anymore.
I do love her, and her kids, but I am finding it such a departure from the things that I really find enjoyable in life, and the things that make me tick, that I don't know whether I can handle it anymore.
One of the kids has a fear of abandonment and the other is hugely dependant on her mother as a result of huge difficulties with her father.
I need help, I need advice, I havn't spoken to anyone.
