Hello all,
Before anybody out there starts throwing tomatoes, please hear me out.
I was seeing this guy for about 7 months, but the last couple of months have been a bit rocky due to his overwhelming work schedule and inability for us to spend a whole lot of time together. I always tried to be very understanding and patient about his schedule, but what I couldn't understand was when he started not returning my calls for days. I know he's busy, but it only takes a few minutes to make a phone call, right?
It got worse a couple of weeks before Christmas when I asked him to come to a party with me on a Saturday night. The last couple of Saturdays before that he had been going in to work on Saturdays as well, and there is a commuting issue which eats up a lot of time when he goes into the office. I didn't pressure him about the party, just said, let me know if you can make it or not. Days went by and I didn't hear from him. Finally it was the night of the party and I STILL had not heard from him. At this point I kind of blew it by losing my temper and leaving an angry message on his answering machine -- along the lines of, why can't you even return my calls? The thing is, he DID call me, from the office, about half an hour later. He ended up not being able to make it to the party. I apologized for my message, and he apologized for not making the party. Over the next couple of weeks, things seemed to get better, with him making more of an effort to make time for me where he could.
Then came New Year's Eve. He kept avoiding making any definite plan about this night, and I was afraid of pressuring him, so I tried not to make a big issue of it. We spoke late afternoon, at which time he told me he'd be going to an office party for a "little while" and then he'd call me when he was heading back into town. Big surprise, he never called me back, not until 4 p.m. the next day. His explanation was that he decided to stay late at the party, and that when he tried to call me at around 12:30 a.m., he couldn't get through. My question to that was, "why didn't you call me earlier to let me know you weren't going to make it back in time?" His response was that he was "procrastinating" and that we didn't have any definite plans anyway. Well, that's true, and it's at least partly my fault, but still...
I am hurt that he would want to spend New Year's Eve, a holiday, with co-workers instead of me, but more than that, I am furious that he never called me back. I don't know what was going on at that party, but would it have killed him to call me and let me know "hey, looks like I'm going to be here for a while, don't wait around for me"? Is it just me, or is that just a common courtesy?
Anyway, the long and short of it is, I broke up with him on New Year's Day because I figured if he doesn't care enough about me to even pick up the phone, then what is the point? His story is that he does care about me, and that I'm very important to him, but right now the job has to come first (it's a new job).
At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not so sure. I think now that I was acting in a moment of anger, instead of thinking it through first. Things were getting better, and it seems to me now that I gave up at the first set-back, instead of giving things a chance to work out.
So what do I do now? Is it too late? Should I call him and tell him I've changed my mind? I really don't know what to do in this situation. What is the best strategy here? Also, I'm really not sure if this was the right decision or not. I just know I should have waited until I calmed down a bit before making this decision.
I hope somebody out there can help. Thanks for listening.
pixie
