The No. 1 Thing That 'Destroys' Relationships

Relationships are an essential part of our lives, and we all crave a deep and meaningful connection with our partners. However, maintaining a healthy and long-lasting relationship is not always easy, and many couples struggle to keep their bond strong over time. Over the past 50 years, researchers have conducted extensive studies on relationships and have found that there is one factor that can significantly impact the success or failure of a relationship: contempt.

Contempt is defined as a feeling of disdain or disrespect towards someone, and it can manifest in various ways in a relationship. It can show up as criticism, sarcasm, cynicism, eye-rolling, or name-calling, among other behaviors. When one partner displays contempt towards the other, it can erode the foundation of the relationship and create a toxic environment that is difficult to overcome.

Research has shown that contempt is the most potent predictor of divorce or relationship failure, even more so than other negative behaviors like criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling. When one partner consistently displays contempt towards the other, it creates a vicious cycle of negativity that can lead to resentment, anger, and emotional disconnection.

According to relationship expert John Gottman, contempt is the most significant factor that separates happy couples from unhappy ones. In his extensive research on relationships, he found that couples who display contempt towards each other are more likely to divorce or break up, while those who show mutual respect and appreciation have a higher chance of staying together.

Contempt can show up in various forms in a relationship, and it often stems from a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. When one partner feels superior to the other, it can lead to a sense of disdain and disrespect that undermines the relationship's foundation. Over time, this behavior can escalate and become a pervasive issue that affects all aspects of the relationship.

The good news is that contempt is a behavior that can be changed with effort and commitment. If you find yourself displaying contempt towards your partner, it's essential to take a step back and evaluate your behavior. Ask yourself why you feel this way and try to understand your partner's perspective. Practice active listening and empathetic communication to build a stronger connection with your partner.

If your partner is displaying contempt towards you, it's essential to address the behavior and set boundaries. Let them know how their behavior makes you feel and try to have an open and honest conversation about what's driving their behavior. It's important to remember that contempt is often a defense mechanism that stems from fear, insecurity, or unresolved emotional issues. By addressing the root cause, you can work towards building a healthier and more meaningful relationship.

Contempt is the No. 1 thing that 'destroys' relationships, according to researchers who have studied couples for 50 years. This behavior can erode the foundation of a relationship and create a toxic environment that is difficult to overcome. However, with effort and commitment, contempt can be changed, and couples can build a healthier and more meaningful connection. By practicing empathy, active listening, and respectful communication, couples can overcome contempt and build a lasting relationship based on mutual respect and appreciation.