I'm over thinking and this is all in my head. What do you think

So I posted somethin rediculous a while back on this Christian chat forum. For one thing, I'm not sure Christianity is the right religion. Also, I was raised Christian and trained my brain to feel a great amount of guilt over things that really aren't a big deal. Anyways, here's what I posted

I am someone who overanalyzes and overthinks just about everything. I sometimes let my mind drift into places it shouldn't go. A while back my girlfriend and I were kissing when this song was talking about killing. I Let my mind drift and think oh this means I'm gonna kill her. I know in my heart I will not do that. I have no desire to do that and that is nothing like me. I was freaking out and wondering whether I really love her or not and I think that kill thought was some type of defense mechanism that I made up so I would break up if I wasn't in love. Anyways, I love life and want to grow in relationship with her because there is something there. Again, I know who I am and my heart desires no such thing. I quickly realized the rediculousness of this thought. I let it go right after and just made myself a note in my phone that maybe I need to talk about this. I saw the note later and proceeded to wonder whether I should tell her about it for weeks! Does God call me to be so honest that I discuss this with her?....most people said let it go....one guy said seek professional help if blah blah .....then I posted this....

The thought of killing my girlfirend popped in my head. I have no desire or intent to actually do it. I was freaking out about whether to tell her for a while or not. I realize I don't need to do that. I thought about this for months though and at one point I started to think about actually killing her just to get it off my mind. I only thought about that for a few minutes if not seconds. But even while thinking this I knew I wouldn't do it. Do I need to seek professional help if I have basically let it go now despite the previous crazy thoughts?And if I should seek professional help it doesn't need to be immediately right? I'm about to see her today. I should be good just letting it go right? I should be myself with her and enjoy her today right?.....then ppl started freaking out and it was just a big misunderstanding. All I was doing was reposting my first thing and just shortening it. Not like the thought came up again. But the guilt over maybe I should tell her or seek professional help did. But certainly not actually doing it.

Please at least look over both. I got banned from the website and the reason was seek professional help immediately. Anyways, they don't understand that it was just a thought not a vision and that I have never and never will consider doing such a thing! I love my girlfriend and she loves me. We have even talked about marriage. I know I don't need to seek professional help and need to just let go. It was a meaningless thought that I felt guilt over and I blew the act of thinking it out of proportion. Do y'all really think I need professional help? And I will respond , there is probably some more explaining I need to do. I'm busy but will be on later.....thanks so much

Tricky. If this is the first time you've had something weird come into your head, chances are, it's nothing. If it's not the first time then, yes, seek professional help, just so you know you're OK. Everyone has had a crazy thought pass through their heads every once in awhile. Psychoanalysis might be helpful, but only you can make the call. These thoughts could mean a lot of things - that you're afraid of hurting her emotionally, that you realize she's emotionally and physically vulnerable at times, and that can be frightening, etc.

Have you ever been violent to any living thing - a cat, dog, mouse, human? Do you have poor impulse control? These are the things that will help you decide if you need professional help.

It sounds like OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Here is one website which explains it...link removed

Tricky. If this is the first time you've had something weird come into your head, chances are, it's nothing. If it's not the first time then, yes, seek professional help, just so you know you're OK. Everyone has had a crazy thought pass through their heads every once in awhile. Psychoanalysis might be helpful, but only you can make the call. These thoughts could mean a lot of things - that you're afraid of hurting her emotionally, that you realize she's emotionally and physically vulnerable at times, and that can be frightening, etc.

 

Have you ever been violent to any living thing - a cat, dog, mouse, human? Do you have poor impulse control? These are the things that will help you decide if you need professional help.

Its not the first time. But I've never been viioent and I honestly do not have poor impulse control. And the only time it came up again was because of the guilt of thinking it. Not the thought of actually doing it.

Thanks for actually reading the whole thing!

The people on that website were freaking out because I posted it like 6 times. And that second one sounds worse I think. But anyways, I have a lot going for me and I'm honestly not even scared of losing her. That was just a rediculous thought.