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Thread: How do you break up with someone who threatens to kill themselves?

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    Member Squishy90's Avatar
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    How do you break up with someone who threatens to kill themselves?

    Hi all. I posted a thread before about me wanting to break up with my boyfriend of a few years. Long story short, he's just too much of a lazy bum for me. So anyways, today I was trying to suggest that this relationship might not work out, and he started acting really depressed! He started calling himself names like idiot and loser, and then said he's going to take a shower and hopefully will find some way to drown. He's usually negative about himself but this is kind of concerning. Now I feel way too guilty to break up with him (i ended up not going through with the break-up...this time). I don't know what to dooooooooooooooooo! and thanks for reading this.

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    Come on.

    He's not really going to drown himself. If your going to start a conversation heading towards a break-up, you follow through. Otherwise if you back-down your going to look stupid every time. You don't want that do you?

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    Member Squishy90's Avatar
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    lol, I know the shower thing wasn't serious. But what if he is in the future? O_O

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    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    You aren't responsible for his actions. Someone who tries to control you by laying a guilt trip like this isn't healthy. This should only serve to reinforce your decision to break up with him.

    Go ahead and finish the breakup. He is responsible for his own decisions and actions - not you.
    You can make the world a better place - one person at a time.

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    I don't think your ready to break-up with him yet. You don't sound like you want too.

    So maybe you should either A) work on your relationship a lot more
    B) encourage him to get off his butt and go get a job
    C) tell him what your intentions are, and if things don't change then your out of there

    But don't just "suggest" and talk about breaking up if you don't want too. And you can't be fearful that he would harm himself, because that's not your problem.

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    Bronze Member mybunnyslipperz's Avatar
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    As hard as it is, because you obviously care about him to some extent, you have to do what is best for YOU. What he chooses to do is completely up to HIM. Most people use the threat of suicide as a tactic to get the other person to reconsider and ultimately stay with them, despite their unhappiness in the situation. If you are really worried that he might harm himself, then you can tell him that your decision is final but you will alert his closest friend(s)/family, because you are concerned about what he might do. You can not carry the burden of what someone may or may not do to themself. As an adult, he is responsible for his own action.

    Its an incredibly difficult situation to try and call someone's bluff on, but you pretty much have to do it for the most important person in your life - yourself. You deserve to be happy and if being in a relationship witht this person is not making you happy, then you have a right to end the relationship without being guilted into staying by the threat of suicide. If, after you break up with him, you do feel he's a danger to himself, call someone in his life that can be there for him. You can not be his ex and his support system at the same time. You need to remove yourself from the situation entirely...

    Good luck to you!
    Strength is a funny thing... oftentimes we aren't nearly as strong as we *thought* we were - while simultaniously being way stronger than we ever imagined we could be...

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    Bronze Member Point5's Avatar
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    Well you can stay in the relationship out of guilt or you can call his bluff.

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    Member Squishy90's Avatar
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    Thanks for all your super helpful posts! I love this site. :P

    I don't really WANT to dump him, but I kinda have to. I've tried to make it better but nothing is happening >_<

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    Platinum Member Oneironaut's Avatar
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    I once had a male friend whose girlfriend constantly threatened to kill herself if he dumped her.

    For months, he stayed in a miserable relationship out of fear. Finally, he'd had enough, and told her, "I'm not in love with you anymore, and I don't want to be with you. I'm sorry if you decide to kill yourself over this, and I wish you wouldn't, but if you do, you will be missed."

    That was over 10 years ago, and as far as I know, she's still alive and well.

    Take a stand. What he does after that is up to him.
    "Dark obsession in the name of love,
    This addiction that we're both part of,
    Pulls us deeper into mystery,
    Keeps us craving endlessly..."

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