A Lost Hope

[Dau]

Some of you may find this silly, but I don't see it possible to find a boyfriend unless I lurk the internet on dating sites and pray the other person isn't emotionally screwed up, a psycho, or generally not the person I thought I met on the internet.

 

I've been slowly working on preventing myself from attaching feelings to anyone I meet in person because theres a 99% chance that guy is straight, and all my feelings are there for nothing, completely wasted. Then I feel awkward anytime I'm around him. So, with that my only option is through the internet. I've had a relationship that started from that before, and it ended up being extremely depressing. My ex constantly cut his wrists, blamed everything that went wrong on himself, and broke up with me because he felt as a threat to me. Then recently he got in a car wreck and no longer has a car.

 

Aside from that, I'm completely turned off and away from feminine guys; I'm only interested in the 'straight'-acting ones. Not that I have a thing for straight guys, but I want a /guy/ if you know what I mean. Unfortunately a lot of matured, straight-ish gay guys are closeted, too old for me, or too indecisive out of what they want.

 

This creates a dilemma for me that pushes me to think I'll never find the right person. And where I live, if I advertised myself as gay in person, I'd likely be attacked in various different ways (get robbed, car broken into, physically attacked, etc). I don't know what to do.

[Master Sasori]

Ehm goto a gay bar to find your kind?

 

Honestly there are tons of gay manifestations each year, places where they meet. Id have no idea where you'd live, but in most Western big cities there should be gatherings of some sort.

[Dau]

I've never been to a bar and most bars require you to be at least 21 to even enter. I may look into that, but I'm still unsure.

[applejack]

It is perfectly normal to feel attraction to "straight-acting" guys. After all...you like men. Men and all of their physical features, scents, their tight butts , deep voices, swagger.....I understand.

 

Being a lesbian, I can tell you that I am not attracted to women who look like men.

 

I have met many gay men who were quite masculine.

 

I think that most gays and lesbians have at least a minor characteristic of the opposite sex. I am a lipstick lesbian, but I am a tomboy.

 

I have met very masculine gay men, but their speech was somewhat effeminate. But that is okay. You are old enough to know that there is no such thing as a perfect human being. There is damn close but not perfect.

 

Another thing that I'm curious about is.....are you out to your family and friends? Are you physically unable to sexually respond to feminine men, or are you afraid of your aquaintances.....knowing that you are gay by the company you keep? Would you be ashamed to admit to people that you are attracted to a man that is feminine?

 

I have many questions...but we'll start there.

[fredv3b]

My thoughts ......

 

Meeting the right person is damned difficult enough for straight people. So just due to the fewer numbers its even harder for gays and lesbians. (And then there are all the other issues as well.) So first I think you need to accept that finding the right guy is a really difficult thing to do and it will take time.

 

All you can do to speed up the process is to 'meet' as many guys as you can. By 'meet' I mean get to know well enough to know they are not the right guy. Obviously in most cases that becomes apparent very quickly. On the other hand don't spend your entire free time trying to find a guy it can be pretty depressing.

 

Some of you may find this silly, but I don't see it possible to find a boyfriend unless I lurk the internet on dating sites and pray the other person isn't emotionally screwed up, a psycho, or generally not the person I thought I met on the internet.

 

That's is the problem with the internet. However the advantages are you know they are gay (they have said so) and you can quickly look at a lot of profiles and hopefully find one or two you might like get to know properly.

 

My only other advice is that in my experience different dating websites attract different sorts of people. So you need to work out which websites the sort of guy you are into use. For example, I'm in the UK and am into straight-acting guys and I have found dating websites that are not aimed specifically at gay men alot more fruitful (for me) then those that are.

 

Good Luck

 

Fred

 

P.S. Always take advice on how to meet the right guy from someone who hasn't yet suceeded (like me) with a pinch of salt

[Dau]

Another thing that I'm curious about is.....are you out to your family and friends?

 

My mother, my sister, and my sister's husband know, and all of my friends and many acquaintances (I estimate around 30 to 40 people around school) know I'm gay.

 

Are you physically unable to sexually respond to feminine men, or are you afraid of your aquaintances.....knowing that you are gay by the company you keep?

 

Feminine guys remind me of women, and I don't like women, I like men. (not that I find women repulsive, but the stereotypical dramatic attitude annoys me) thereforeeee I'm really turned off by feminine guys. I don't care what other people think about me, I just have absolutely no interest in feminine guys. I'm perfectly fine with them as people, I just don't have any attraction

 

Would you be ashamed to admit to people that you are attracted to a man that is feminine?.

 

If I did have an attraction, I wouldn't be ashamed as that would be my preference, but it isn't so thereforeeee that's an irrelevant question

 

I have many questions...but we'll start there.

 

Bring 'em

 

So first I think you need to accept that finding the right guy is a really difficult thing to do and it will take time.

 

Yeah, I've pretty much accepted that. I just wish it didn't feel impossible to find a guy with the odds against us. I'm also going through a withdrawel of cutting off any and all relationships with my ex best friend who I've been in love with and have had mixed signals for reciprocation for 2 years now.