question about relationship with ex girlfriend

[Donny JeffcoaT]

ok i tried being friends with my ex girlfriend for about a month while she had a new boyfriend but it was pretty much impossible because every time i left seeing her i would feel terrible. So i finally decided to break it off and i said we shouldnt talk or see each other anymore and she said "no don't say that", she said i just need tine and she will call me in the future.Well she called me a freakin week later. I didn't answer the phone but ever since she called it has totally messed me up and i want to call her so bad to see what she wanted. Its been a week since she called me and she hasent called back. do you think i should call her or should i wait for her to call again. I dont know if she will call agin. what should i do?

[bryan]

Hello, I would like to paste a reply I wrote to another member in a private messge:

 

Hi *****,

 

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. Like I told *****, I am/was in something very similar. When she dumped me, I really wanted to stay in contact with her and be her friend. I really thought I could try to make things work out with her but believe it or not, it backfired on me and pushed her away even more. When a girl wants to be single, thats what they want. Period. You have to give her what she wants and she will respect you for that. I also think it will be too difficult to stay a friend to her this early after the breakup. The more you see her the more you will probably want to kiss her and hold her just like before. This will only push her farther away. Like I said to the other member, she has to miss you before she can realize what she is missing out on. The only way this can happen is by you backing off. I highly recommend telling her that you are going to back off for a while until you can fully heal your heart. She made the choice to break things off so it really is her loss anyways not yours. If you were good to her, she will miss you once you stop calling and hanging out with her. Who knows, maybe she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger so she can date someone else and if it doesnt work out she can always fall back on you. That is a trap many girls use to their ex's. She may just want to keep ties with you so she has you as the backup. Dont put up with this because you will never get over her if you do. I fell for this trap for 2 months!!! One day I realized my ex kept me as a backup so I have cut all communication with her now. It really bothers her that I dont talk to her but I feel much stronger knowing that I stood up for myself for once. Now that I am in control she is chasing me! But do I really want her knowing that she broke my heart before? You have to ask yourself the same questions. So I advise you to cut contact even though it will be very hard. Try to go out with friends- I have found that female friends are really great to go out with. They are great listeners. If you dont want to block her online you dont have to but I think talking on the phone may be too much. Sometimes hearing her voice can cause emotions to come up. If you do talk to her online, be very brief about what you say and never talk about getting back together. You have to put the ball in her court now because she has all the power. All you can do is try to move on and make the best of what you have right now. If in 2-3 months from now she sees that you are living just fine without her and you have made accomplishments in your life since her it will attract you to her again. Girls love a guy who is self dependent. If you tell her you need her to live she will think you are weak and she will walk all over you.

 

Sorry this is so long, but I hope it helps you somewhat. Please keep me updated on your situation. I want to see how things progress and hopefully I can help you with more advice because your situation is just how mine began. Good luck!

[DealingWithIt]

Hi!

 

Being friends with an ex is tricky especially when you still care for them while they have moved on. I still care for my ex and he's been in a relationship now. We talk now and then but its difficult to be friends with him. There have been moments when I get that mushy feeling inside but I know he doesnt feel that way towards me anymore.

 

So what did I do? I stopped taking his calls and blocked him out of my buddy list. I need time to be completely over him and move on...maybe in time, we can be friends...who knows?

 

Good luck!

[Donny JeffcoaT]

God, everything you said makes so much sense now. She told me a bunch of lies like she see's us getting back togther and we should just be frindes for now while she went out with her new boyfried. I think i might be there to fall back on. But i kinda want that. But i know i dont want to be her friend. I have planty of friends. Shes way more than a frined to me and i could never be her friend. But the one thing that is harder than anything to get over someone you have to want to but i can't find the strenghth to let go. . It's this feeling of not ever wanting to forget her or love her.

[vampyr]

WOW... You said exactly everything my ex has said to me.

She moved out of our house and into some married guys apartment. A month goes by and she calls me and tells me she still loves me and she still has hope that we will get back together and that she misses me.

I'm thinking... what the hell? I was just getting completely over her, and now she does this to me.

So she calls me and tells me she wants to have lunch with me this week or go out to dinner... of course the week goes by and she never actually does anything with me.

 

The words to live by are... Actions speak louder than words. Say that to yourself, and to her when she calls you.

The way I've been dealing with the EXACT same thing is I just don't give a **** what she does. When she calls me saying how much she misses me, it is an ego boost for me.... but I have to force myself to let it go in one ear and out the other. If I say I still love her too... then I've failed. If I tell her that I miss her too, then I failed. So I just listen to her and say 'sure.... that would be great' and then hang up and let it go.

 

Eventually you will turn it around and find out you are the one stringing her along. You must take control. And probably the weirdest thing is that my ex seems to be more attracted to me when she thinks I'm seeing someone else... even though she is living with this guy.

 

Oh... and get this... she even tells me that she hasn't done anything sexually with this guy. WHATEVER! HA! All I can say is I pity my ex now. I look at her with sad eyes realizing what a weak person she is. Eventually you will do the same... just let everything your ex tells you go in one ear and out the other. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Good Luck

[Donny JeffcoaT]

man your lucky because you have the power now. all my ex would do is hang out with me for like an hour and then leave. It started off ok as friends but then she became very distant. It just sucks because she owns me right now. She has me wrapped around her finger. I dont want this anymore. I wish my ex would call me more, so i would feel like she still thinks about me. I mean we went out for 2 years i hope she still thinks about me. Her new boyfriend is a dumb a**. i know there not gonna last. But i feel like ever since i told her how i fealt and she didn't seem to care now there's nothing left for me to do but move on.Why do girls lie. why couldn't she just tell me it was over from the beggining of her new relationship so i culd have moved on and not wasted my time or pride on her. F*ck her. F*ck girls.Man, My pain is quickly growing to anger.

[Donny JeffcoaT]

man your lucky because you have the power now. all my ex would do is hang out with me for like an hour and then leave. It started off ok as friends but then she became very distant. It just sucks because she owns me right now. She has me wrapped around her finger. I dont want this anymore. I wish my ex would call me more, so i would feel like she still thinks about me. I mean we went out for 2 years i hope she still thinks about me. Her new boyfriend is a dumb a**. i know there not gonna last. But i feel like ever since i told her how i fealt and she didn't seem to care now there's nothing left for me to do but move on.Why do girls lie. why couldn't she just tell me it was over from the beggining of her new relationship so i culd have moved on and not wasted my time or pride on her. F**k her. F**k girls.Man, My pain is quickly growing to anger.

[Donny JeffcoaT]

man your lucky because you have the power now. all my ex would do is hang out with me for like an hour and then leave. It started off ok as friends but then she became very distant. It just sucks because she owns me right now. She has me wrapped around her finger. I dont want this anymore. I wish my ex would call me more, so i would feel like she still thinks about me. I mean we went out for 2 years i hope she still thinks about me. Her new boyfriend is a dumb a**. i know there not gonna last. But i feel like ever since i told her how i fealt and she didn't seem to care now there's nothing left for me to do but move on.Why do girls lie. why couldn't she just tell me it was over from the beggining of her new relationship so i culd have moved on and not wasted my time or pride on her. F**k her. F**k girls.Man, My pain is quickly growing to anger.