In desperate need of advice (Recently dumped)

[Cynical Rants]

Hello all, this is my first post, and I hate to start it off on such a negative topic, but I figure with the topic I present I've come to the right place.

 

I was just dumped by my girlfriend of 8 months, and I must admit it's the most heartbreaking experience to date in my short existence (I'm 18 ). I've had a few flings and different "experiences" with other girls, but nothing ever serious until her.

 

She approached me initially in our High School, citing an interest, after 2 months of getting to know eachother better we began to date. And things were great, I was never this happy before, she told me we would be together forever, nothing could change that. To put it quite simply, she was the best part of my life. I even opted to attend a local college instead of going away just to be with her (she's now a senior in my former high school, I'm currently a freshman in college).

 

Then just around 7 months into the relationship things began to go downhill, she began to tell me I was too controlling. I admitted that yes I could be a little bit overbearing at times and she promised me I could trust her, so I believed her and pretty much eliminated the way I was acting. Not too long after she kissed my friend one night when I wasn't around, it was a short kiss and she told me right after it happened, but still it hurt like nothing else. When I asked her why it happened she said "I don't know, I was just confused". I accepted what happened after we talked for several hours she apologized and I decided we could work it out.

 

2 weeks passed and everything seemed fine, then, this past Thursday she called me on the phone and told me things didn't feel the same. I pleaded with her that we could work it out, but to no avail. My last words to her before hanging up the phone were "If you ever decide you still love me, you know where to reach me, have a nice life, I love you, bye"

 

I should also add that she said she wanted "more space, free time, time with friends, etc."

 

In that time period I wrote her 2 emails, one was rather short, while the other was long, citing how much I missed her and how much she meant to me.

 

I didn't talk to her until yesterday (Sunday) when I IM'd (Instant Messaged) her and asked if I could call her and talk to her. I did, and everything was awkward, I did 95% of the talking, telling her how much I loved her and how I could never find another girl like her, she didn't respond. I asked her if we could ever get back together, her answer "I don't know", I told her we could try to work it out, her response "I don't see it as working out right now"

 

So now I'm contemplating several things, mainly whether I want to try and get her back or to just forget her.

 

It's obvious she wants some space, some time away from me, and I want to give her that. One of my plans was to not talk to her at all this week, then on this upcoming Friday leave one of my classes early and get to her house before she gets home, and as she arrives I'd be waiting there with flowers, a teddy bear and something I have written her. I know it sounds corny, but I've always been taught something you love is worth fighting for.

 

I'm also just considering letting her go, not talking to her and seeing if she eventually makes her way back to me. If not, I would move on, though I must say it'd be rather hard to do, I don't picture myself with anyone else.

 

I've been a wreck ever since she left me, I don't know what to do, and I hope somebody can offer me some good advice or comforting words, I could sure use some right now.

 

Thanks for listening everybody.

[Finzsoftie]

Hey man, i am sorry to hear about your girlfriend.

I know that it must completely hurt, actually i know exactly how it feels.

Look you are 18 your entire life is in front of you, you can do so much, and why would you waste your time, nerves and self on all of this.

 

It seems that the girl KISSED YOUR FRIEND, what is that? What kind of love is that? How can you forgive for that? I mean you know it's all very well to be friends with friends, but it's not good at all to go round kissing anyone, whether they are your friend or not, whether you see them at the movies, whether you are confused or not...... it's just not something to be done.

 

Why do you need somebody who is confused? I mean That will make you confused, and then you just wait for the time that she will confused, it will stuff up your school work and your life. You dont need someone like that. I dontknow it's just my opinion. I say leave it, dont got over there, once she knows you are not running after her maybe she will come running after you.

But dont put too much hope into it!

 

If you want PM me!

[Aura Seeker]

I believe that you will be in for more hurt if you pursue this. She has told you no. You have to hear that.

 

As a girl, having had men trying to get me back, it is always more of a pity feeling I feel when they show up doing the flower thing. Don't go there. Have some dignity.

 

She said no, and if she didn't mean it, she wouldn't have said it.

 

I would let her go.

 

Just my opinion

 

A

[Mar]

I agree w/Aura Seeker.....if she clearly stated she wants space, give it to her.....trying to "get her back" will only make you look like you're chasing her, which in fact you will be. Let her go.....she's a big girl, she can make her own decisions without you pressuring her into one she might not want. Yes, it hurts, it ALWAYS hurts to be the dumpee, but you can't be selfish and not respect her wishes. If you mean as much to her as she does to you, she'll come back to you. If not, then you'll at least have the pride of knowing you weren't a doormat and didn't chase her. There are SO many women out there.....you'll heal, and you'll find one who far surpasses what you thought was your "ideal woman." Till then, be patient, and come talk to us whenever you need to, that's what we're here for!

[Breaker24]

Cynical Rants I know how hard it is to follow everyone's advice on forgetting her. Things seem so perfect and then the next minute the whole world is upside down. It's amazing to see how many times a situation like yours pop's up here. Heck that what I'm here for, I'm going through something very similar. Be strong and give her space, but also move on. The sooner you take that first step to healing, the better you'll be given you're starting your first year of college. And if you ever need a kick in the butt to keep you going straight, message back. I've told all my friends to keep reminding me that there's other girls out there that are more deserving of my love, and I know the same exists for you.

[Cynical Rants]

Thanks for your advice, and I've decided that I'm going to let her be, if she comes back then I will take it from there, but until then, I'm single.

 

Once again thank you to everyone who gave their advice, and I'm open to even more if anyone feels they have something to add.

[Archivist]

Hello there,

 

I am currently going through the same thing as you, although she didn't kiss another guy, she just suddenly had a change of heart. I'm 20 so i guess thats still considered young. One thing which some people have mentioned and has also crossed my mind is the fact that we are still young.

 

However perfect your life seemed when you were together, it may be a scary thought to you or your ex to think that you would spend the rest of your life together. As much as i hate to believe this aswell i understand how its a valid point. Even though our ex's loved us and we love them, they still have so much more to experience in life. I wasn't possesive over her, but even so, she felt tied down by being in a relationship. She wants to go out and enjoy herself and have fun, i let her do all those things, but even so, she'd feel guilty and always have to worry about me.

 

My ex is my first love aswell and no matter what people will say, you and i still believe she is the one for us, and i've now given her space in a vain hope that she will realise too. Just don't depend on that hope too much otherwise we are both in for alot more pain. I hope what i said has helped you, i really do understand what you are going through.

[Cynical Rants]

Yes eratya what you said I can relate to very much so I appreciate your comment, and as I can see by visiting this message board, I'm not alone in my situation.

[confusedwhcbyahoo.com]

u r definitely not alone.