Never in a million years

[sunshine13]

I never thought that I would be back on this site to talk about someone that ended our relationship 7 months ago!!! If anyone reads this they are probably going to think that I am insane. . . b/c I am feeling that way myself. I dated this man for 4.5 years on and off. He ended it over the phone and hasn't spoken another word to me since. At the beginning I was devastated for months. . . received counseling, depressed, angry, etc. Since then I have picked up the pieces and started enjoying my life. I have dated and been treated like a queen by men 100 times better than my ex. I realized the important and great things that I deserve out of a relationship. I am having fun and started my life over. I do not think about my ex on a daily basis or weekly basis for that matter. Approximately 3 weeks ago I found out that my sister has cancer. I decided to have a cancer benefit for her. In a drunken stupor I texted my ex 2 weeks ago just to tell him that she was sick and let him know about the benefit. We are not on speaking terms so I regretted it the next day but just let it go. Not another thought about it. Then last night a mutual friend called me to ask which sister it was (I have 2). She told me that she had seen my ex last weekend and he was asking her about it and she said they had a big heart to heart. . . I did not hear the story b/c she had to let me go. Just hearing his name made my heart drop. . . the fact that he even asked how my sister was doing I started crying and have not been able to quit thinking about him. I have so much I still want to say and I realize I miss him dearly!! I am floored by my feelings!! I never expected that I would feel like that. . . Were these underlying feelings that I just forgot about?? Just hearing his name brings me to tears? I guess in my head I am over him but not in my heart. Has anyone else ever felt like this? It has been 7 months!!! Isn't there something wrong with me feeling this way?? I didn't sleep last night and couldn't get it out of my head today. . .OVER NOTHING!!!!! I do not want to hear the rest of the "heart to heart" talk that the two of them had b/c I have already been broken up with him once and I don't need to hear all of it again. Then again. . . I am dying to know what he said. .. . Can someone give me some advice on how I can get over this and get this man OUT OF MY HEART once and for all??!!!

[CarnelianButterfly]

Think about the great guys that came after. Think about what made them so much better then your ex. Think about the fact he ditched you on the phone(!) and how much of coward that makes him. He is not a person that you need any more, you've lived a good life without him, you're a whole person and capable of being happy without him.

 

Don't let your emotions get you more upset, admit you have some left and work through them. Don't let them rule you. If you feel like you want to cry, cry for a while, but while you cry really think about why you're crying, think about what it really is that makes you sad. Is it really him, or is it the stress from your sisters cancer, the surprise of him showing up, your moment of weakness texting him. He hurt you and that is a good reason to cry, but crying for hours and hours won't change that, look at all you have now that is so much better.

[Shadows Light]

You texted him a few weeks ago because even though he was "bad news" ... he was steady sort of for 4.5 years. And since your sister is sick.... you wanted something solid.. real... to hold on to. He's a comfort zone. Thats all. A comfort zone that may not be good for you.

 

Yes he asked a mutual friend about your sister and showed concern. I'm sure the guy isn't 100% BAD NEWS... else you wouldn't have been with him for 4.5 years. You guys share history.

 

20 years after the break with my first boyfriend... I still ask his family about him when I run into family. doesn't mean I want him back. Just means I care and am kindly asking about him. I always extend my well wishes to him for when they see him next. Still.... doesn't mean I want him back. Make sense????

 

So don't do this to yourself. Don't fly back to a comfort zone just for comfort. Whatever reasons you've broken up for.. I'm sure hasn't changed. Or is it CLOSURE you are seeking? Don't do that to yourself... not now. You've a long emotional road to travel with your sister being ILL. She needs you 100% in her corner right now. Concentrate on moving forward not back. If "X" contacts you... be coridial... but now is not the time to rekindle and old flame. Too much emotional instability abounds.