Ah, need to work together on this one

[shyanxious22]

Hi everyone, can anyone help me out here. I've been having troubles with social anxiety for years, and have been shy all my life although not half as bad as it used to be.

 

Sometimes when i go out i'm fine, and sometimes i'm not.

 

I worry about what others are thinking or saying about me but can't seem to do anything about it.

 

For example i went to a theme park with a friend and a lass i'd only known for a couple of weeks, not dating just as friends. I was fine, happy, talkative etc beforehand, but then when we went out i felt different, can't really explain it, nervous or something and almost incapable of conversation. Anyways later on she's commented that i appear scared and should be enjoying myself, not in those words but was said in a rude but not nasty manner.

 

Can anyone relate to this?

 

The thing is i'm still a virgin for obvious reasons (shyness etc) but the question is, can a girl even be interested in a man in my boat?

P.S the boat is very nice when you get inside it, just needs a paint job

 

Any help will be much appreciated, Thankyou

[Tealc]

Welcome to ENA mate.

 

I can certainly relate. This shyness problem we have is a highly situational beast. Your time together before the park itself was hanging out in a relaxed manner. I bet it wasn't in the presense of many other people. But then you went out, and, ouch. All of a sudden you were hit by an irrational pressure to 'perform well' around others. The rides themselves (fear of the unknown) might have compounded your feelings of anxiety.

 

The only advice I can give is to fight the negativity head-on when it happens. Try to identify the irrational thought, realize how stupid it is, and press forward. Keep expectations low. Put your analytical self in the back seat and dive in, no matter how awkward it is at first. When you hear crickets chirping instead of people humiliating you take in the moment. Enjoy it. Milk it as much as you can. Convince yourself that it's not so bad after all. That will give you more momentum to keep eroding your shell.

 

Any time you catch yourself being negative, replace it with a positive thought. It will become a habit and thereforeeee naturally turn the tide in your favor. You've already made good progress. Keep at it.

 

I was considered by far the shyest guy in my high school class. I barely said anything and never spent time outside of there with anybody. Present time, when I'm at my worst I'll be terrified of even a little eye contact with a random girl. In both scenarios, girls have shown me interest, so it doesn't matter if they already know anything about me.

 

In most cases, attraction is physical first anyway. Depending how much into you someone is, that buys you leeway in 'messing up' in their presense.

[scotty77]

Sounds like you just blew a tire or had a bad moment.This girl must have seen something in you to agree to go out with you.Jump back on the horse and try again!

[Leonhart]

A few questions for you:

 

Do you experience this anxiety in ALL social encounters? Or is it just with girls in general (or certain ones in specific)?

 

Do you want to change? Or do you feel that a girl should love and accept you for who you are, regardless of this?

[shyanxious22]

Hi there people,

 

Teal'c you are spot on, the first ride i went on was an expensive one with a camera filming it right in my face and a T.V screen on the ground with a crowd watching it, not only that but it keeps repeating itself until someone forks out to have a go. I didn't feel normal before that although that might have stopped me relaxing, i don't know. I just felt self-conscious and didn't know how to act or facial expressions etc because it's supposed to come naturally, what do i do?

 

Should i get invited again should i go (to hell with it) or decline (i cannae not handle it)

 

Oh questions, i experience anxiety in almost all situations. I seem to be able to cope fairly easily at work even though it takes me all over the place (locations that is). But yep most social situations most of the time i guess. Well put it this way, when i have a good day and don't care what others think, speak my mind etc i'm impressed with myself but can't work out what's changed from a bad day.

 

Q2, I think all girls should love me for all my faults and flaws otherwise there's nothing left to love. No seriously though i want to change for myself if nothing else, but also i can't see a girl putting up with looking scared and saying nout while were out. And that's me out

[Tealc]

Teal'c you are spot on, the first ride i went on was an expensive one with a camera filming it right in my face and a T.V screen on the ground with a crowd watching it, not only that but it keeps repeating itself until someone forks out to have a go.

 

 

 

OMG. Dude, if you put me in that situation you'd have to revive me with shock paddles!

 

Good on you for handling it with more grace than I would have.

 

I didn't feel normal before that although that might have stopped me relaxing, i don't know. I just felt self-conscious and didn't know how to act or facial expressions etc because it's supposed to come naturally, what do i do?

 

Do your best to forget that stinking camera. Focus on other things around you, and the thrill of the ride itself. Maybe hold that dear lass's hand.

 

Should i get invited again should i go (to hell with it) or decline (i cannae not handle it)

 

I recommend doing it again. Getting familiar with the experience will ease you into it and give you confidence. You already did it once without going off the deep end. The next time certainly won't be harder.

 

Oh questions, i experience anxiety in almost all situations. I seem to be able to cope fairly easily at work even though it takes me all over the place (locations that is). But yep most social situations most of the time i guess. Well put it this way, when i have a good day and don't care what others think, speak my mind etc i'm impressed with myself but can't work out what's changed from a bad day.

 

It's just that! A good day gives you good memories to draw from. You occupy yourself with happy thought patterns. And it shows!

 

Let me tell you something. The very first time I went out as an adult (by my own choice, not part of some school or work function) was late last year. No joke. Clubbed it with the only true friend I've ever had. The following day, I was nothing short of ecstatic. I'd convinced myself that I could choose to be among people and still have a ball doing it. My folks were wowed by my behavior. Here's the best part: my health improved. Just like that. I felt lighter and found it easier to breathe! Proof that my psychological baggage manifested itself physically.

 

I cannot stress enough the importance of your mindset. Your thoughts are the most intimate part of yourself. It's in your best interest to learn to be aware of them and shape them the way you desire. The jitters, the shakes, the pounding heart, the stammering will disappear as a natural consequence.

 

Q2, I think all girls should love me for all my faults and flaws otherwise there's nothing left to love. No seriously though i want to change for myself if nothing else, but also i can't see a girl putting up with looking scared and saying nout while were out. And that's me out

 

Amen. You've made the right choice. No one should live this way. They say it's a wonderful feeling when you finally do lose your shell.

 

My rant wouldn't be complete without some lyrics.

 

It's all within you

You can hear the silence

When you breakthrough

Don't regret

 

And you must turn and face your fear

Go beneath the skin to the child within

Turn and face your fear

You will never see what is meant to be

[ves]

Q2, I think all girls should love me for all my faults and flaws otherwise there's nothing left to love. No seriously though i want to change for myself if nothing else, but also i can't see a girl putting up with looking scared and saying nout while were out. And that's me out

I was just discussing that with a guy I've started seeing (we have been friends for two years). I really do like him for his "flaws", and the things I think are flaws in myself, he likes. In fact, we were even discussing kind of dorky stuff - I like to play old Super Nintendo games - and he even said "I love that about you." I thought it was dork personified!!

 

There will be a girl out there who won't just love you for your flaws, but who will support you in trying to improve (not change) yourself.

 

If you are invited again, ABSOLUTELY GO. There is no reward without risk. If you sit at home alone, you know what will happen. If you go out, yes something awkward might happen, but also something amazing could happen. Why settle for predictable and mundane when you could have awesome and amazing! I also agree with Teal'c - the more you do it, the better you will be at handling these situations and even shining in them.

 

Believe in yourself and everyone else will fall in line!

[shyanxious22]

Hello, i been busy

 

Thanks people there's some good stuff and really useful.

 

I'm probably not as bad as i sound but then again how bad can you get. Due to recent few years circumstances combined with being painfully shy in the past, i haven't got a social network. I mean i've never made many friends to hang out with outside school or work etc, for example i wouldn't phone or txt someone just to talk to them, i would wait until it was almost vital like something important for fear of getting something like " well why'd you phone me then":splat: . But i've been thinking about this stuff for a while now and i am willing to try to adapt to it more now like saying hi to people im in-directly working with as they walk by, even though i think it will be creepy although it's not when others do it. Saying nothing has got to be worse.

 

I'm trying to be more sociable, outgoing etc, like the most feedback i get back is to talk more, but no-one ever tells me what to say just expects me to say it. (When you read that bit-i know i know). Anyway i have a point and lost it, oh yer i don't do much on weekends, giving myself grief to join a gym for something to do and keep fit, but what else can i do without looking a complete tiit. Shopping expensive and never buy much and don't like it much anyway, and clubbing not my scene, can't think of much else

 

Teal'c, Just like that? you lucky bas...i mean great respect man

 

For the record super nintendo rocks