I need to get a grip of myself

[bigthings46]

Before I even get started I ADMIT that I have problems. Heres the deal. I suffer from numerous addictions. I am addicted to drugs, alcohol and gambling. I need to stop all of these things and I want to but its so freaking hard for me. Almost like they all relieve the boredom I feel on a day to day basis.

 

I smoke cigs and marijuana daily numerous times a day. When I am bored and feeling alone I find myself going to the bar up the street since I can be social and interact with guys bout sports and whatever and I do have a group of people I can hang with up there. But this just leads to me getting hammered on work nights and doing stupid stupid crap(a drug I won't mention).

 

Then comes the gambling whether its playing cards or rolling dice I can't stop or pass up a game. Over the past couple weeks I have spent over a $1000 dollars being retarded drinking and gambling. Money that could have been put to good use. Since last year I have probably thrown away about $5000.

 

I am sick and tired of it and need to stop it before I throw away everything and lose it all. I have things that I enjoy doing but the problem is I don't enjoy doing them on my own and the weather in the area I live is so wrong for what I like.

 

I have friends but they are all married with kids or getting married and don't do anything anymore but hang with their so's so I am left doing things on my own which leads to all of the above. Last year I bought a new motorcycle at the beginning of spring after selling my old bike and rode it maybe a whole 5 times all year. I was out of work and being an animal and drinking/gambling 7days a week. I never rode my bike because I was constantly hung over and sleeping all day. I don't want to be like that this summer.

 

I have wrote list of things I need to take care of all being my addictions but I can go a couple days without going to the bar and gambling but then next thing you know I am right there again doing the same stupid crap. I can't keep myself away. In a perfect world I would get away from all the stuff and go to a detox or something but thats not possible.

 

I finally have a great job and I can't give that up. Im not to the point where I don't go to work or show up late. Thats a good thing. I just don't know how to keep myself away from these things when Im dealing with so much hurt right now. I feel like instead of sitting in my room depressed and bored, that the bar is a better place cause I can interact with people instead of being a hermit locked in a cage. I know I need new hobbies and new people in my life but I have no clue where to meet people after work besides the bar. Help

[Beyondthesea]

Personally I think you need to go to a rehabilitation clinic of some sort, check yourself in, and don't come out until you're well. I know you said that's impossible...why is that? You are obviously ready for a change, why not make it? They can assist you through the difficult times and really be a support for you.

 

If you refuse detox, at least join AA or some other group in order to get to where you need to be...back on the right track.

 

Many blessings...

[poloplayer]

Hi,

 

Thanks for being honest - with yourself.

 

I can go a couple days without going to the bar and gambling but then next thing you know I am right there again doing the same stupid crap

 

What you described are common symptoms and behaviors of addicts. Detox or rehab might not be an option for you, so this is what you need to do (you learn this in rehab - I know because I was a peer counselor at one point):

 

Change you entire life. Easily said, but hard to do. Here are the baby steps to transform this (in no particular order):

 

 

1. Throw away all old paraphanelia. This includes anything related to drinking, partying, or gambling. If you want, you can donate it to a rehab - they love having bongs on hand to show to naive parents.

2. Get ride of old, toxic friends - the kind who you're main source of connection is partying. Unless you have other things in common with them, they will always bring you back to partying because that's what they do. You have to seek out new friends who are good for you. You have to be selfsih on this one. Same applies if you have a girlfriend like this.

3. Attend a support group - AA, NA, GA, etc. This is where you work the steps of a program and work with a sponsor - someone who has over 1 year of sobriety and guides you through the steps and someone to fall back on whenever you need to talk - about anything! You'll also make new friends. The 12 step group functions as your pseduo-rehab. They teach you the tools to be successful by staying away from drugs and booze, as well as leading a productive and healthy life. They are just tools and there for support - what you do with it is up to you.

4. Get involved with activities. Idle time is the devils play time. You have no structure in your life, or you have lots of free time = boredom = party. You need to get involved with positive things to fill your time. It can be hobbies, sports, work, school, volunteering, hanging out with positive people, etc.

5. You need to be honest with yourself - like in your post. Only by being honest, allowing yourself to feel vulnerable, admiting faults and weaknesses and such will you be able to change for the better.

6. I've never seen an addict make it alone - you need the support and tools from others.

 

These are generalized sub-steps in a nutshell, however, rehab is the place to guide you through the process. You actively speak and work on all issues with others. Rehab allows this, as well as provides you with structure - since you are in rehab. Once you "graduate" then you continue to apply the principles which they taught you in the real world, and you have the tools at your disposal to fall back on when issues creep up again in your life (they will). I recommend rehab if you can, if not, then you have to use a 12 step support group.

 

Best of luck.

[Dako]

I agree that you need to seek help from AA or some other group.

Your social group just reinforces your behavior, and you must certainly be lonely if your only friends are also usually hammered.

 

Sounds like you're at risk of hitting bottom, and that may be loss of your job, ending this lavish but unrewarding lifestyle.

 

You apparently realize this is no way to live. You can join support groups, find sober friends who've been there, and get out of this mess.

You're a young man with bright future if you choose it.

Make that choice.

[bigthings46]

just a lil update. I haven't had a drink or gambled since last saturday. I was over my fathers house tonight talking with him and I declined a beer when he offered. He had 4 in the 1/2 hour I was there though and made me thirsty but I didn't have one. Also I went to see my doctor the other day and he put me on celexa or something like it for my anxiety and depression and its making me feel really weird and out of it so I don't want to drink while taking it. I haven't left my house all week though except to go to work, I have no place or friends to go see.