back in town, should i tell him?

[eskimomo]

Hello everyone

 

I'd love to hear your opinions on this....

 

I'm going on a short visit to the city where I lived with my ex for a job interview, to see friends, and to work out if I still want to live there. We had a fairly sweet-natured break-up - I'm still very sad about it but I understand his reasons for breaking up with me and I'd really like to be friends again one day. He was my first love (though I'm well into my 20s!) and he absolutely changed my life for the better.

 

We've spoken on the phone once since we broke up, about 6 weeks ago - not a great conversation, unfortunately, as we both got upset. He has made no effort to contact me since then, though I've noticed he's been checking my blog etc. I miss him a lot, and I imagine he misses me from time to time. (He told me the day after the break-up that I was the most important person in his life.)

 

Since the break-up (nearly 2 months ago) I've gone through periods of intense depression, unable to eat or sleep properly for days at a time, but I'm slowly starting to let go and even feel excited about the future without him. This vague sense of equilibrium is precious to me after weeks of suffering, as you can imagine, and I don't want to jeopardise it by seeing him too soon. On the other hand, I don't want to hurt his feelings or play games, and I know I'd definitely be hurt if he came to MY hometown and didn't contact me.

 

Given all this... .Should I let him know I'm going to be in town, in a general spirit of friendliness, or is it OK to just do my own thing without contacting him, then get in touch at a later date, when I'm feeling stronger?

 

Thanks in advance for any advice!

[karvala]

Of course it's okay to do your own thing. If he values you in the way he says he does, he will not only understand, but actually prefer you to do that, since that is the way that you avoid going through a lot of pain again.

 

Don't contact him just because you happen to be there; wait for a future time when you're stronger and then contact him because you actually want to.