Ladies Please help...Wife says she is not in love with me

[STRIDER]

I have been married for 10 years, with 3 beautiful kids. My wife and I first had problems after the birth of our 2nd child, in which she said she loved me but not in love with. I moved out for a couple of months and romanced her and we gave another shot. Now, after a year and half after my son is born she says that she is not in love with again. She says she has been thinking about how she does not love me for a few months. She will not go to a marrage counslor. For the last 5 years we both work and go to college and raise kids. I know that romance has fallen by the waist side, but it's hard. She says that i'm to comfortable for her. She has given me until January to move out. The reason for that is because I don't have a job now, because she talked me into quiting a few months ago so i can finish college. Then she dropped the bomb on me. She swears that she is not seeing nor talking to anyone else, and I do believe her. Keep in mind that i've have always been faithful and always been a good father to my kids. We went out a last night as friends and she said that we have been getting along as friends better, but thats not enough she needs to be passionate with someone. She said that she definitly not get back with. I look at my kids and i feel sorry for them because they are about to go through a tough time in there lives. I love my wife with all of my heart, and there isnt anything in the world i would not do for her. We do cuddle at night sometimes, but that is as far as it goes. She said that she does not want the divorce to get ugly. In the MS she does not have grounds for a divorce, because I'm a good father, I dont drink or do drugs. I've been 100% faithful. So how should I play my cards, because i have been so nice lately. I told her that i was not going to try and romance her and that i was going to let her go so she find what ever she is looking for. What should i do? Please some advice.

[Kerrikaye]

I would have to say don't give up. My husband told me that for the past six months he has not ben getting enough intimacy so he is saying he is not in love with me right now that we just feel like roomates. He doesn't want me to leave but has to have time to think- his space. But yet doesn't want me to ignore him or not spend time with him. Nothing intimate though. I know there is no one else. I just think he is going thru a tough time with work and I was ignoring his needs being to involved with my work and college first. Marriage is something you have to work at if you believe in it. It isn't something you put on a shelf and take down to play with. And I am going to fight tooth and nail for mine to work. I suggest you do the same. So if in the end she wants to divorce you you will know you gave it your all and that she is the one not trying as hard. Until she has the papers in hand keep fighting- remember your marriage vows... for better or worse, until death do us part.... My husband doesn't want to do the marriage counselor thing now either. Just remember in order to work on reviviing a relationship you have o be happy with yourself first. It isn't until he has told me what he felt and now I am waiting for his decision that I truly see what I have been missing.

[Mar]

I would give it one last try.....if what she's saying is that she doesn't feel passion, then give it to her.....send her flowers at work, make her a candlelit dinner, cover the bed in rose petals and play soft music....try to seduce her. Granted, after 10 years of marriage and children, this is difficult, because people get stuck in the everyday grind, which is what I'm sure she's feeling. You DO lose the passion after all of that, to some extent, but it doesn't have to be entirely lost. Send the kids to the grandparents' house for the night, clean up the house, do the dinner, the music, etc. Surprise her when she gets home with all of this. It doesn't have to be an expensive thing, it means more showing your actions than materials. Maybe find a poem that you think expresses how much you love her and read it to her. Brush her hair for her, give her a foot massage.....just little things that she's not used to getting. If it doesn't work, then you've given it your best shot and you're not what she ultimately wants. But I feel sorry for her, because with children/job, etc., I doubt she WILL find that passion she says she's missing anywhere else, either. Good luck, and hang in there.....we're always here if you need to talk.

[STRIDER]

Well, here is an update. My wife and I had sex last night, but before we did she ask me if it would confused the situation. Of course i told her no..lol. We have been talking alot as friends, but she did say she needed more than that. Do you ladies think that she really is wanting me to be romantic or was it just "sex"? If you have read the my first post, She did say the other day that she not get back with me and it was said under friendly circumstances(not being Mad). Or perhaps is she a little confused. The sex last night was not very good either, it felt she was not really into it all that much either. Of course since i have not have any for over 2 months...it didnt last very long..lol. What should I do? Im racking my brain. Maybe I should just act like nothing happen last night.