Am I Fool to Still Want Her Friendship?

[ProphetSword]

I wrote a while back about a girl who said she was in a bad relationship and didn't want a relationship and that we should take it slow. But, after a while, I found out she was just playing me. Little things began to tip me off after a while. For those of you out there who might wonder if you're being played by someone who was your friend, here are some things that happened to me and you can use them to see if you're going through the same thing:

 

* Her phone number got changed and she told me she'd give me the new number, but she never did.

 

* She asked me if I'd like to go on break with her (we work in the same place). I said okay, and I waited. She didn't show. I went looking for her, and found her having her break with some other guy while I was supposed to be waiting for her (convenient that she got me out of the way, isn't it?).

 

* I'd asked her out last week, and she said she was interested and would let me know, but she continually said she didn't have time...and yet I overheard her talking to a friend of hers about some guy that asked her out...and it wasn't me.

 

Needless to say, she strung me along and played me for a fool for the attention. My eyes are open now, and because she's quite pretty (and I don't know why I thought she'd really have a thing for me) I'm beginning to realize that there are other guys possibly falling for the same trap. I mean, that sort of makes me sick when I think about what she's doing to these guys. I never did anything but kiss her, but I found out later that she's had something like 28 lovers, and the girl is only 21!! Thank goodness I wasn't 29!

 

Okay, enough about that...here's the actual problem...

 

You know, despite all that, we were pretty good friends before I asked her out and she finally told me that she was interested in me. We'd talk all the time, and I really enjoyed her company.

 

Even though I know she played me, I still miss her company. I mean, I'm not interested in her like that (not that I don't still think she's attractive); because, I know that what she's doing is just playing games with men. But, I'm not falling for that again...it's done...and I'm already moving on as fast as I can (actually, I have to laugh inside when she tries to flirt with me or get attention from me now).

 

Am I dumb to still want to keep a friendship with her? I mean, here's someone I really cared about, and I thought she was a pretty decent person...and I come to find out that she's really cold-hearted and will toy with the emotions of those around her. Can I trust her as even a friend, or should I just get used to missing her company and ignore her...even though what happened between us wasn't that serious (we kissed for a while...but that's it)? What do you think?

[enadevoli]

she wasn't a friend to you. you were a friend to her, but she decided to play you instead. why would you want to be around someone so cold hearted. she is going to think that what she did to you was ok if you still hang out with her. she needs to understand that she hurt you.

[Dreng3333]

forget her and move on. she was not your friend. dont miss something that was never there, it will get you nowhere. dont think about her anymore.

[confusion theory]

I wouldn't hang with her at all dude.. She sounds like a b***h if u ask me.

I agree with enadevoli u were her friend but she wasn't yours. I'd stay away if i were u!!!

 

 

-Memories last forever, they simply never die, true friends stay together - they NEVER say good-bye

[ProphetSword]

The unfortunate part of it is that I still have to be civil and friendly to her because we work in the same place...and sometimes our job requires us to work in the same area. Not all the time...I can go weeks without speaking to her if I need to. But, I also know that a major reset is coming up in her area, and since she's actually the specialist in the area where I have to reset, I'm going to have to work with her a little.

 

So, I'm just curious to know how to handle it. I mean, I blew it anyway. When I got mad at her, she knew I was mad at her. But when she asked me about it, I made up some other excuse for why I was mad because we were at work and I didn't feel it was worth making a scene over. Now, I feel like I wimped out or something...if only because I didn't feel it was my place to say the things that were really on my mind...it's not like she was my girlfriend or something...even if she made me believe that it might be possible.

 

I just feel used. Part of me despises her completely, and part of me sees her out of the corner of my eye sometimes and feels a tug on my heart. And yet, even though I cared dearly for her (and thought she cared for me...man, I can't believe how sincerely she seemed to care about me), it really bothers me. I gave her opportunities to tell me that we could just be friends...I had seen signs and I thought that's what she wanted...but instead, she kept telling me that she was interested.

 

I guess the part that bugs me a lot is that I don't know that she's *not* interested. I could have misread everything. When she asked me to go on lunch with her, and she was with someone else, I dont' know that the guy might not have been a cousin or something that popped in unexpectantly and she was hoping I'd understand. I got mad before she ever got the chance to explain. And if she had only just gotten her phone number back (her phone *was* down...that part wasn't faked), it could be she hadn't given it to me yet. But, then, I think that I'm just rationalizing and finding excuses to still have her around.

 

Man, I'm really twisted. I chased this woman for 6 months. She was with someone else. She admitted to me that she would be interested in me if she wasn't with the guy she was with. When they broke up, she started flirting heavy. And she admitted she liked me. She wanted me to come over. We started kissing. Then, she stopped me and told me that she wasn't ready, her relationship prior to this had been a bad one...and she wasn't sure she wanted to proceed. She told me we should take things slow...be friends and stuff and let it happen naturally.

 

And she kept leading me to believe we might be making progress. Even here on this board I got advice from people who told me that it sounded like she was sincere, but I doubt that it's true. (And I understand that people here aren't in the situation to see it...and we often overlook facts when we write these tales).

 

I guess what I'm saying is that it hurts a lot. And yet I know she's not worth the hurt that I"m feeling.

[HAMLETTHUNKTOOMUCH]

Well one thing to consider is that you may be a guy that actually NEEDS to be hurt on a continual basis. There are people that actually pay to get hurt physically. You like to get hurt emotionally. Consider it a bonus that you don't have to pay for it!

[ProphetSword]

Not sure what you mean by that...because I really don't like to be hurt emotionally. I guess she just confused me. I haven't been played like that since I was younger...so maybe I just forgot that some girls do that.

 

But, speaking of youth, I should have known better. I'm 35, and the woman in question just turned 21. At the time I was pursuing her, I didn't know she was that young (she didn't act that way). When I found out, I backed off and she came after me...and she told me the age difference didn't matter.

 

One of my friends came to me, and she told me that it's an age thing, that the woman in question is young and dumb. She just got out of bad relationship and now she's on a "power-trip" and that I shouldn't take it personally as she's playing guys just to feel good after some other guy did some really evil things to her.

 

So, I guess I was fooled, and that's cool. And I guess I lost a friend because she tricked me...I'm not cool with that...but what can I do? As you guys have said...she wasn't really a friend to me or she wouldn't have done that, right? So, thanks for the advice. It hurts me...not because I'm interested in her like I used to be...but because we really could have been good friends who had a lot in common and enjoyed each others company...but she blew that all to hell.