ohhh, my head

[Friknlove]

hey, new to the board and good to read some of your posts. I'm not normally into asking for personal advice from people i don't know, but no one i know has had my scenario. here goes:

 

I just broke up(mutual) with my GF of 5 years. This woman is not normal, she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and really changed me a lot. when we first met, we were friends for 6 months.. I really liked her and had dropped some hints but really i'm not one to force the situation on someone. i honestly thought we together had what it took. after 6 months i gave up trying to move to the next level with her. she came over a few days later and said we should go for it. i was 21 and a sucker and should have seen this coming but took that bait.

 

fast forward 3 years. everything was great! we rarely argued about anything at all. she started attending local college, and i had secured a great job and we moved in a house together. at this time i was interested in starting a business. i was planning a future for us together, but i never said anything about it really. i wanted to surprise her. i was making money hand over fist and she was busy attending school. i bought a $3700 dollar ring for her and was about to talk to her dad about it. life was pretty much leveling out at this point, i was working all the time(come home from work, start working some more) and not spending a whole lot of time with her. we were still very much in love. i had managed to save enough money for a huge down on a house and drop the ring bomb on her dad then her. s

 

he started leaning on me to not work so much, and it really stressed me out because i was so close to having what i needed to make things work, but i was getting burnt out on what i was doing. we stopped communicating enough. one day i'm working at home and she asked me to go to dinner with her parents and i snapped a little. she started crying and we had a little fight, and she took off with her parents. next day, i was feeling really low and for some stupid reason, i broke up with her. (pause) now for the last three years, there was an ongoing battle between us because i smoked lots of pot, and i get irritable when i'm in deep concentration and someone interrupts me when i am obviously involved. there were a couple of decent fights with raised voices and crying, I think i told her once to stop being a * * * * *. thats about it, no physical voilence or anything(/pause)

 

so for 2 months we didn't see each other and talked a couple of times. i really missed her and needed to change a few things in my life. I stopped smoking the grass, which REALLY helped me see what the hell i had just done, i started attending college instead of working so much. i asked her for another shot. she at first said that i really HURT her. ok, whatever, it was a mutual breakup, and we both just needed some time. we start seeing each other again after 3 months of breaking it off. we did not move back in together. the breakup really changed something inside of me emotionally and i really opened up. i told her everything except the ring. we hung out for a couple of months and i started asking her whats up with getting back together. i had successfully made the changes, spent more time with her, didn't snap, more open with her, ..... and she told me she didn't know.

 

she is a really caring person, and very soft hearted so i didn't lean on her for an answer quite yet. it needed a little time. 2 months later, i asked again, this time telling her i would like an answer. she said she didn't know. we broke it off again. mutual. i figured after 5 years she should be able to say yes or no. she told me that she wants to go meet people and do things, not date any guys. she said she is not where she wants to be in life yet. we both love and care about each other very much, but she said she is still hurt from the first breakup and said something just isn't right in her. she needs time.

 

is this a typical scenario? do i write it off and take it as a learning experience, or do i wait for her? I've never done this before.....

[EvaGina]

can you break that up into paragraphs?

no way can I read that.

sorry, dont mean to be terse or anything, but text walls suck

[Friknlove]

sorry, didn't realize it was so long, and thats the short version

[EvaGina]

cool beans, some people post here for ages and never learn how to use the "enter" key

 

Oh dear... I say give her time. Or ask her "I am willing to wait for you, but if you are just too scared to tell me you dont want to get back together, could you tell me now?"

[Friknlove]

i told her i am willing to wait, that i love her that much...she said if it was meant to be we will come together. she never directly gave me hope.... she told me "your a great guy, and that i can do better than her" because she can't give me an answer. that hurt more than anything in the world. is it Ok to be angry at the situation? I have never experienced this many emotions packed into a 24 hr time period, my god. I really don't want to lose her, but i want her to be happy.

[EvaGina]

It sounds like she doesnt have the courage to blunt and say outright that she doesnt want to be with you anymore.

 

Sometimes letting someone down easy is the cruelest thing a person can do

 

-hug-

[Friknlove]

yeah. well i hope she feels kinda bad for that. other than that, i hope she will be happy. thanks for telling me, she couldn't

[EvaGina]

tell her, in a non-cocnfrontational way, how she should have let you know without a doubt what was going on.

That she un-intentionally strung you along.

[Friknlove]

how long should i just let her be?

[EvaGina]

Well, you will have to ask her that.

ask her if she honestly has any intention of getting back together with you. either way, let her contact you.