aaaaah! can't break up!

[badbadbad]

Let's see...6.5 year relationship, the last 3.5 years of it long-distance...she moves away and we keep it going under the agreement that I will join her as soon as I can...3.5 years later, I still have not been able to move away from my career and life(we're talking about moving from New York City to coastal Maine)...let's just say I could imagine moving at one point for a number of reasons, but now I see I can't do it...I have tried to end it several times, but we always seem to end up as if nothing happened. She won't listen to me, and I don't want to accept that it's over either, I guess... so I have begun proving to myself that it has to be over...I have cheated...i'm loathe to admit it... I've been on the recieving end and it sucks, but I have ruined the relationship, the trust, the intimacy, BUT I have not told her about the cheating...recently I began the breakup once again, starting in person, reinforcing over the phone (another horrible thing), again over the phone, and again. I told her not to call me, that I would call her.

It's been almost a month and she is starting to call. I can't pick up the phone, cause I don't want to talk any more...but I know I have to: we have some separating of things to do...I've told her over and over again that it's not working for me, that I can't move away, that I'm unable to do the long-distance thing anymore, that the sex is too infrequent... everything but revealing my infidelity...

I know how horrible it is knowing your partner is sleeping with someone else, and I want to spare her that, but it might be the only thing that gets the point accross that it's over...

I guess I answered my own question, but I feel at times like I would like to stay together, but it's just impossible...

I am much better at getting dumped than doing the dumping...I found this site searching "break-up advice." How can I end the hurt and start healing ME? I have felt really bad for a long time...guilty and empty and lonely...How do you break-up with someone you love, when she doesn't want to? I'm in purgatory....I want to her to take the hint and agree with me but she's making me do all the work!

Aaaaaaah! I guess I know what I have to do...I'm just worried the next time I talk to her, I'm going to either be wishy-washy and give her a thread of hope, or spill it about the cheating, and I don't want to do either: I want to end it and somehow not hurt her....I'm a moron, I know, it's not possible, I've F**ed up over and over again, should have ended it many times before, but I wanted it to work so badly, and I'm so tired of investing emotions and ending up in pain...

So any advice? HA!

Please don't be too mean to me, I already feel horrible enough.

TIA

d>

[Finzsoftie]

So does she or doesnt she know that you are cheating on her?

[Jamiegirl]

So does she or doesnt she know that you are cheating on her?

 

She doesnt know that hes cheating on her and he doesnt want her to know because it would hurt her and he wants to break up with her anyways.

 

 

I suggest you just keep doing what your doing, just avoid her as much as possible then she will evenyually give up.

[Sephiroth_FF7]

I suggest that you just tell her you want to break up and keep that you cheated to yourself, if you don't want to hurt her anymore.

 

Hope that helped, later

~sephiroth

[DGirl]

HI

 

WELL I'M IN THE SAME BOAT AS YOU. I THOUGHT FOR A MINUTE THAT I WAS READING MY OWN POST! BUT I HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM THAN YOU I'M MARRIED! SO AT LEAST CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT YOUR GETTING IT OVER WITH NOW, CAUSE IN THE FURUTE IT WOULD JUST BRING YOU MORE PAIN!

 

GOOD LUCK!